Light saber's were last years must have toy. This year it's something for the girls!
Pole
Monday, October 30, 2006
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
10/24/2006: 2006-7 Season Opener “More Cowbell”
Pigs opened the 2006-7 Winter season against Pabst Blue Ribbon. Naw this team was not coached or managed by Frank Booth (the manic Dennis Hopper from “Blue Velvet”) nor did the squad go Turrets on us with cute quotes from the movie “"Heineken? Fuck that shit! … PABST BLUE RIBBON!!!" They did have PBR jerseys however I don’t think they were a sponsored club. Anyway…PBR stunned the Oakland hockey world by scoring :37 into the 1st period. This was about all they did. ...
(Kids mind starts to wander...Must have been because the ice was not that cold. Everyone knows that PBR must be cold, icy cold in fact. As it worms, PBR molecules tend to bond with ambient urine molecules in the atmosphere, making it taste like Brooklyn Pilsner. There is a certain retro coolness to be found in standing behind the Red, White, and Blue of PBR. Really though…who if anyone still drinks PBR these days?” Who even knows where to find it? Maybe in one of the beer stores that Vitts talks about up in Canada? Imagine how cool you’ll be, and how much money you could save for that dream grill you've longed for, as you suck down a few cans after the game. Other teams will gawk with envy as they sip on their warm, flat, Coors Lights. Wait the Pigs like Coors Light and we have a kick ass grill. Kid snaps out of it).
...The next 44+ minutes were all about the Turtle and his trusty cowbell. It was really like the poor fella had a fever and the only prescription was more cowbell.
Nobody knows this better than Papi who racked up 11 PIMs (all in the offensive zone I might add…no wait that is not true...he broke #21 PBRs stick at center ice...also the score sheet shows an additional game misconduct recorded after the game ended????). Cowbell aside the Pigs went on to dominate, scoring 8 unanswerd goals to win the opener 8-1. Usual suspects of TMac & Mac doing most of the damage (Vitts decided to damage his goin). Even hero firefighter Lemon was able to make the 3rd period after hanging with his Contra Costa fire team on the NHL side. Thanks Lem!
Quote of the night: "Lets just say it ain't gonna get any better" - Papi to Vitts when asked if nagging from girls abates post marrage.
Pigs opened the 2006-7 Winter season against Pabst Blue Ribbon. Naw this team was not coached or managed by Frank Booth (the manic Dennis Hopper from “Blue Velvet”) nor did the squad go Turrets on us with cute quotes from the movie “"Heineken? Fuck that shit! … PABST BLUE RIBBON!!!" They did have PBR jerseys however I don’t think they were a sponsored club. Anyway…PBR stunned the Oakland hockey world by scoring :37 into the 1st period. This was about all they did. ...
(Kids mind starts to wander...Must have been because the ice was not that cold. Everyone knows that PBR must be cold, icy cold in fact. As it worms, PBR molecules tend to bond with ambient urine molecules in the atmosphere, making it taste like Brooklyn Pilsner. There is a certain retro coolness to be found in standing behind the Red, White, and Blue of PBR. Really though…who if anyone still drinks PBR these days?” Who even knows where to find it? Maybe in one of the beer stores that Vitts talks about up in Canada? Imagine how cool you’ll be, and how much money you could save for that dream grill you've longed for, as you suck down a few cans after the game. Other teams will gawk with envy as they sip on their warm, flat, Coors Lights. Wait the Pigs like Coors Light and we have a kick ass grill. Kid snaps out of it).
...The next 44+ minutes were all about the Turtle and his trusty cowbell. It was really like the poor fella had a fever and the only prescription was more cowbell.
Nobody knows this better than Papi who racked up 11 PIMs (all in the offensive zone I might add…no wait that is not true...he broke #21 PBRs stick at center ice...also the score sheet shows an additional game misconduct recorded after the game ended????). Cowbell aside the Pigs went on to dominate, scoring 8 unanswerd goals to win the opener 8-1. Usual suspects of TMac & Mac doing most of the damage (Vitts decided to damage his goin). Even hero firefighter Lemon was able to make the 3rd period after hanging with his Contra Costa fire team on the NHL side. Thanks Lem!
Quote of the night: "Lets just say it ain't gonna get any better" - Papi to Vitts when asked if nagging from girls abates post marrage.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Monday, October 16, 2006
ABP: Stinky Smelly Hockey Bag
From our PPG leader Pittsberg Justin. Perhaps in the future you could contract with Vitts to keep a close eye on your goods. I hear he is quite good with a gun.
E-mail from Pitt (10/16/06)
So a couple of nights ago I decided it was probably time to get my hockey bag out of the trunk of my car as it had been left in there since our last game. It was a little confusing at first when I didn't see the bag in my trunk. But after 5 minutes of incredulous denial I let myself believe that some fuck broke into my car, found nothing of value in the glove compartment, pulled the trunk latch, and hauled my sweaty hockey gear away with him. Alright, so i'm being discriminating: It could have been a girl. Anyway, I think i'm going to host one of those 'end-of-an-eighties-movie' community dance offs to raise money so I can buy new equipment, but until I get the proper city permits in place, I might be out of commission for a while. All of this was typed on my treo, so apologies for any spelling errors.
later,
Justin
From our PPG leader Pittsberg Justin. Perhaps in the future you could contract with Vitts to keep a close eye on your goods. I hear he is quite good with a gun.
E-mail from Pitt (10/16/06)
So a couple of nights ago I decided it was probably time to get my hockey bag out of the trunk of my car as it had been left in there since our last game. It was a little confusing at first when I didn't see the bag in my trunk. But after 5 minutes of incredulous denial I let myself believe that some fuck broke into my car, found nothing of value in the glove compartment, pulled the trunk latch, and hauled my sweaty hockey gear away with him. Alright, so i'm being discriminating: It could have been a girl. Anyway, I think i'm going to host one of those 'end-of-an-eighties-movie' community dance offs to raise money so I can buy new equipment, but until I get the proper city permits in place, I might be out of commission for a while. All of this was typed on my treo, so apologies for any spelling errors.
later,
Justin
Friday, October 13, 2006
A few notes and messages from the squad:
A message from Tall Gary's former Youth Hockey Coach, Jules Winnfield. "Just cause you look like the Gimp don't mean you have to play like the Gimp." Enjoy the video.
Winter Season Creed (thank you Lemon):
I,________, promise never to be outhustled. I will play both ends of the ice, fight for every loose puck. I will sacrifice my body for my team. I will always choose grit over flash, substance over style. I will work, and sweat, and suffer, so that-come game time-my team can shine. I am a PUCK PIG hockey player!
Pig Addendums (thank you Longshore):
If I am the puppet - I will not forget to bring the meat.
If I am the bitch - I will not forget to bring the beer.
And the Herrick clause:
I will not shoot on my own goalie.
And the Lemon clause (Kid edit from Longshore's original):
I will make a break-out pass up the middle of the ice (as that is were the forward should be).
I will not pass to an opposing high slot player (Lemon Drop).
And the Dino clause:
I will choose hockey over Oprah.
As well as the Mac clause:
I will choose hockey over Fleetwood Mac.
And the Frasier clause:
I will stay off my damn motorcycle.
And the Mangler clause:
I will choose hockey over the HAW.
Finally the Longshore clause:
I will not take offensive zone penalties
I will not pick on guys bigger than me.
I will get a tatoo on my ass that says "it's never to late to get back on defense."
A message from Tall Gary's former Youth Hockey Coach, Jules Winnfield. "Just cause you look like the Gimp don't mean you have to play like the Gimp." Enjoy the video.
Winter Season Creed (thank you Lemon):
I,________, promise never to be outhustled. I will play both ends of the ice, fight for every loose puck. I will sacrifice my body for my team. I will always choose grit over flash, substance over style. I will work, and sweat, and suffer, so that-come game time-my team can shine. I am a PUCK PIG hockey player!
Pig Addendums (thank you Longshore):
If I am the puppet - I will not forget to bring the meat.
If I am the bitch - I will not forget to bring the beer.
And the Herrick clause:
I will not shoot on my own goalie.
And the Lemon clause (Kid edit from Longshore's original):
I will make a break-out pass up the middle of the ice (as that is were the forward should be).
I will not pass to an opposing high slot player (Lemon Drop).
And the Dino clause:
I will choose hockey over Oprah.
As well as the Mac clause:
I will choose hockey over Fleetwood Mac.
And the Frasier clause:
I will stay off my damn motorcycle.
And the Mangler clause:
I will choose hockey over the HAW.
Finally the Longshore clause:
I will not take offensive zone penalties
I will not pick on guys bigger than me.
I will get a tatoo on my ass that says "it's never to late to get back on defense."
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Click below for the Original Star Wars Kid (watch em all they are very funny). Vitts: this you back in High School?
The Original Star Wars Kid
Lemon: A challenge to you and your brother to try and top Mac.
Note: Kid has edited Mac's orignal post to add bells, whistles, Vitts, and Lemon. Mac...apologies for not adding the history to my post below. I figured everyone knew about the Original Star Wars kid. I will do more research to confirm my hypothesis that the Orignal Star Wars kid is in fact the Pigs very own Slap Shot Rob.
_______
The Original Star Wars Kid
Lemon: A challenge to you and your brother to try and top Mac.
Note: Kid has edited Mac's orignal post to add bells, whistles, Vitts, and Lemon. Mac...apologies for not adding the history to my post below. I figured everyone knew about the Original Star Wars kid. I will do more research to confirm my hypothesis that the Orignal Star Wars kid is in fact the Pigs very own Slap Shot Rob.
_______
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Terrapin Trumps Swine: Prairie Dogs Advance to the Finals
10/4/2006 (Oakland, CA) The 2006 Pig Summer season came to a screeching halt last night after a heartbreaking shootout loss to the Prairie Dogs. “If only Dale were here” Rosie mused before the game upon seeing that the inept and consistently horrendous referee known simply as the ‘turtle’ was in line to call the semi final game between the Pigs and the Dogs (Long time Pig fans remember Dale’s “in the crease” call against Reno’s finest Greg Marsella to end the Pigs 2002 season). After the Pigs took an early 1-0 lead the Dogs responded with authority scoring 4 1st period goals. A fired up Pig squad went on a 20 shot, 3 goal 2nd period rampage to knot things up @ 4 through two. Dogs opened the 3rd with a fancy: 07 goal to take a 5-4 lead. With time running out Team Captain Mac rallied the troops with a TO. “OK let’s get an all-star line on the ice…and Kid you can stay out there as well (thanks Mac).” The all-stars + Kid did as they were instructed and apparently scored the game tying goal with about 5 minutes to play. The team celebration abruptly ended about 20 seconds after it started with the ‘Turtle” calling for a faceoff in the zone…a classic Turtle call). “The Kids shot rested at least a foot over the goal line” LW standout Pittsburg Justin who had a birds eye view from the left goal post recalled after the game. Regardless the Pigs rallied once again with a fantastic game tying T-Mac goal with about 3 minutes on the clock. Even better Longshore buried the go ahead goal with the clock winding down. The Dogs forced OT with a timely 14:15 high slot turkey shoot shot. I should mention that the Mangler was asked to leave the ice for exceeding the allotted number of penalties and for not bringing his HAW to the game. The overtime period featured 5:00 of play from 1979 Canadian Junior hockey standout Papi who momentarily forgot how to change lines. No score in the OT period forcing a shootout.
Shootout summary
Dogs#74…stoned by Jeff.
Mac…stoned by Dogs net minder.
Dogs#5…goal.
Pitt…stoned by Dogs net minder.
Dogs#20…stoned by Jeff (and his pile of snow in the slot trick)
Vitts…stoned by Dogs net minder.
Pigs hit the showers.
Pig Nation post game highlighted by Lemon’s fantastic 5 star BBQ Tri-Tip sambo’s, salad, and more. Thank you Lemon.
2006 Awards
Jack Adams: best coach. Winner: David Greenspan This is David's second ‘straight’ Adams award since leaving the team in 2005.
Georges Vezina: best goalie. Winner: Jeff. Jeff outperformed the subs and his peers this season with a career best 90.4 save percentage and 11 wins. Nice work Pipes.
Heart: team MVP. Winner: T-Mac Mac graciously gives last years award to the new Mac…TMac is the man. Nobody can be sure exactly how many of the 19 goals and 11 assists belong Papi however we can all agree it was less than 2.
Bill Masterton Memorial: the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship, and dedication to hockey. Winner: Dino. Second straight for Dino. The guy never gives up (except in the playoffs when Oprah takes priority).
Lester B. Pearson: most outstanding player. Winner: Pittsburg Justin . Justin got edged out last year however this season Justin’s 2.0 PPG makes him a must play every week. He has been signed to a long term contract that includes Asian incentives.
Calder: Most proficient in 1st year on the Pigs. Winner: Vitts. The guys a ‘nut’ but brings the thunder. Welcome to the squad Vitts.
Da Byng: Gentleman. Winner: JustinNice work.
Maurice Richard. Top Goal scorer. Winner: T-Mac (17 ish)
Selke: Forward who best excels in the defensive aspects of the game. Winner: Herrick. Every skater on the ice should say to themselves "it's never to late to get back on D".
King Clancy: Player who best exemplifies leadership qualities on and off the ice and has made noteworthy humanitarian contributions. Winner: Mangler top notch recruiting Jackie!
Norris: Defensive player who demonstrates the greatest all-around ability. Winner: Gracie is the clear winner with 1 G, 9 A, and 18 PIMs.
Ross: Pts leader. Winner: T-Mac (25 ish)
Conn Smythe: MVP of the playoffs...Winner: T-mac. Too bad we missed the opportunity to give the rookie a Mohawk!
Great Season Pigs….see you all for Winter 2006-7.
10/4/2006 (Oakland, CA) The 2006 Pig Summer season came to a screeching halt last night after a heartbreaking shootout loss to the Prairie Dogs. “If only Dale were here” Rosie mused before the game upon seeing that the inept and consistently horrendous referee known simply as the ‘turtle’ was in line to call the semi final game between the Pigs and the Dogs (Long time Pig fans remember Dale’s “in the crease” call against Reno’s finest Greg Marsella to end the Pigs 2002 season). After the Pigs took an early 1-0 lead the Dogs responded with authority scoring 4 1st period goals. A fired up Pig squad went on a 20 shot, 3 goal 2nd period rampage to knot things up @ 4 through two. Dogs opened the 3rd with a fancy: 07 goal to take a 5-4 lead. With time running out Team Captain Mac rallied the troops with a TO. “OK let’s get an all-star line on the ice…and Kid you can stay out there as well (thanks Mac).” The all-stars + Kid did as they were instructed and apparently scored the game tying goal with about 5 minutes to play. The team celebration abruptly ended about 20 seconds after it started with the ‘Turtle” calling for a faceoff in the zone…a classic Turtle call). “The Kids shot rested at least a foot over the goal line” LW standout Pittsburg Justin who had a birds eye view from the left goal post recalled after the game. Regardless the Pigs rallied once again with a fantastic game tying T-Mac goal with about 3 minutes on the clock. Even better Longshore buried the go ahead goal with the clock winding down. The Dogs forced OT with a timely 14:15 high slot turkey shoot shot. I should mention that the Mangler was asked to leave the ice for exceeding the allotted number of penalties and for not bringing his HAW to the game. The overtime period featured 5:00 of play from 1979 Canadian Junior hockey standout Papi who momentarily forgot how to change lines. No score in the OT period forcing a shootout.
Shootout summary
Dogs#74…stoned by Jeff.
Mac…stoned by Dogs net minder.
Dogs#5…goal.
Pitt…stoned by Dogs net minder.
Dogs#20…stoned by Jeff (and his pile of snow in the slot trick)
Vitts…stoned by Dogs net minder.
Pigs hit the showers.
Pig Nation post game highlighted by Lemon’s fantastic 5 star BBQ Tri-Tip sambo’s, salad, and more. Thank you Lemon.
2006 Awards
Jack Adams: best coach. Winner: David Greenspan This is David's second ‘straight’ Adams award since leaving the team in 2005.
Georges Vezina: best goalie. Winner: Jeff. Jeff outperformed the subs and his peers this season with a career best 90.4 save percentage and 11 wins. Nice work Pipes.
Heart: team MVP. Winner: T-Mac Mac graciously gives last years award to the new Mac…TMac is the man. Nobody can be sure exactly how many of the 19 goals and 11 assists belong Papi however we can all agree it was less than 2.
Bill Masterton Memorial: the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship, and dedication to hockey. Winner: Dino. Second straight for Dino. The guy never gives up (except in the playoffs when Oprah takes priority).
Lester B. Pearson: most outstanding player. Winner: Pittsburg Justin . Justin got edged out last year however this season Justin’s 2.0 PPG makes him a must play every week. He has been signed to a long term contract that includes Asian incentives.
Calder: Most proficient in 1st year on the Pigs. Winner: Vitts. The guys a ‘nut’ but brings the thunder. Welcome to the squad Vitts.
Da Byng: Gentleman. Winner: JustinNice work.
Maurice Richard. Top Goal scorer. Winner: T-Mac (17 ish)
Selke: Forward who best excels in the defensive aspects of the game. Winner: Herrick. Every skater on the ice should say to themselves "it's never to late to get back on D".
King Clancy: Player who best exemplifies leadership qualities on and off the ice and has made noteworthy humanitarian contributions. Winner: Mangler top notch recruiting Jackie!
Norris: Defensive player who demonstrates the greatest all-around ability. Winner: Gracie is the clear winner with 1 G, 9 A, and 18 PIMs.
Ross: Pts leader. Winner: T-Mac (25 ish)
Conn Smythe: MVP of the playoffs...Winner: T-mac. Too bad we missed the opportunity to give the rookie a Mohawk!
Great Season Pigs….see you all for Winter 2006-7.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Pigs Advance to Semis; Vitts completes Sexual Harassment Training; Oprah looms large
Twenty seven seconds is all it took for Line 1 (T-mac, Dennis, Pitt) and the Pigs to wrap this one up with a pair of goals on their 1st shift. When the final horn sounded the scoreboard showed 5-1 and the Pigs advance to the semi’s Tuesday night @ 8:45.
It was clear that something was different about Slap Shot Rob (Vitts) as his style of play seemed somewhat emasculated. It wasn’t until after the game he confessed to having successfully completed sexual harassment training last week after the scandalous Mr. Peanut incident. Pig Management is discussing putting all players through this course after Mangler’s salacious hit from behind against an unsuspecting Greyhound. Numerous studies have concluded that folks perceive these types of hits to be gay whether or not the actual hit had any homosexual intent. Perception is everything and Pig Management is concerned.
Finally to reach out to our female Pig nation members Dino has taken it upon himself to partner with Oprah. Each week Dino will bring the Nation an Oprah reading assignment and host a book club discussion. Dino will not be at Tuesday's game as he is personally meeting with Oprah to discuss next weeks book.
Click Here for Stats through round 2!!!
Twenty seven seconds is all it took for Line 1 (T-mac, Dennis, Pitt) and the Pigs to wrap this one up with a pair of goals on their 1st shift. When the final horn sounded the scoreboard showed 5-1 and the Pigs advance to the semi’s Tuesday night @ 8:45.
It was clear that something was different about Slap Shot Rob (Vitts) as his style of play seemed somewhat emasculated. It wasn’t until after the game he confessed to having successfully completed sexual harassment training last week after the scandalous Mr. Peanut incident. Pig Management is discussing putting all players through this course after Mangler’s salacious hit from behind against an unsuspecting Greyhound. Numerous studies have concluded that folks perceive these types of hits to be gay whether or not the actual hit had any homosexual intent. Perception is everything and Pig Management is concerned.
Finally to reach out to our female Pig nation members Dino has taken it upon himself to partner with Oprah. Each week Dino will bring the Nation an Oprah reading assignment and host a book club discussion. Dino will not be at Tuesday's game as he is personally meeting with Oprah to discuss next weeks book.
Click Here for Stats through round 2!!!
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