1/31/06: Management closed door session tonight.

Agenda:
> State of the Team (Mac)
> In light of recent Pig Performance: Pig Nation Prohibition Vote (Elders)

1/30/06: Pigs Dip below .500 (6-7-1)

In the midst of a 2 game slide the Pigs had little to be excited about after loosing to the Fog 8-5 last night. "It’s Kate’s fault…I told her she had to do her homework if she wanted to come to the game" said Mac about his 8 year old daughter Kate who was supposed to attend Pig Family night. Apparently Kate didn’t finish her book report on time and kept the entire McClure clan at home. “Rules are rules.” Mac turned in his performance of the year having a hand in 4 of the 5 Pig goals including a hat trick. Mac pointing the finger towards his own flesh and blood largely in part due to Pig Family night’s past. Seems Mac turns in superhuman performances when his family shows up. In 2004 he logged 25 penalty minutes for his girls. In 2002 he had a 5 goal night to the delight of his cheering wife. With a tear in his eye Mac left the locker room and said with Schindler eloquence: “If only she finished that diorama I could have scored 7 goals.”

Family Night 2006: Tough to set a new attendance record when Mo doesn’t bring his wife and 5 boys however a good turn out nonetheless. Thanks to all the wives, girlfriends and kids for supporting the team. Props to Obus for the off ice hat trick (Beer, Meat, Fast Eddy). Lemon for the table, grill, and sweet 50s style hat. Finally to Jeff’s wife for untangling those balloons!

1/27/06: Goaltender Jeff says "no" to Alito and "yes" to Hamas and new NHL rule

1/25/06: Farm Team Update

Gracie Leimpeter, known simply as Lil' G, showing off why she leads the Puck Pig "under 6" farm team in PIMs. "One day I hope to break my collarbone on the ice just like my daddy." Well Lil' G...dreams do come true.

1/23/06: Pigs Played by the Black Ice, 4-1

Despite a capacity crowd (thanks Minnesota for the fan) the Pigs were played. "I gave it an uber effort just felt a bit constrained on the ice " said long time Pig and recent Swiss National Obus after clanging the iron late in the third. Seems this was in reference to an undersized athletic supporter issued by Equipment Manager Jack Mangler to the European All Star prior to the game. In the end only ShutterTrippin Minnesota Scott was able find the back of the net.

After licking our wounds we headed to the parking lot and were treated to foot longs and Stella Artois. The key note address was delivered by the Lem: "Foreplay Myths: Why Two in the Pink and One in the Stink may not yield the results heterosexual men espouce" (source: ancecdotal lesbian accounts and lesbian oral demonstration techniques as witnessed by #6, Lemon).

Next Game: Family Night...wives, girlfriends, kids welcome...
1/29/06 (Sunday): Fog @ Pigs 5:15
Bitches: Obus, Minnesota, Mac
Fast: Obus
Meat: Obus

1/21/06: Staples: Gandolf yet no Greenie

1/19: Coz, Pigs down Greyhounds 4-2

Cinderella Story: In a story that spans three continents, two religions, and one poltergiest the Pigs Pigs defeate the goliath Greyhounds in what will rank in the top 5 Pig victories of all time.

We start in North America, T minus 2:00 hours to game time and all the 6th place Pigs could muster muster is 5 skaters (Mangler, Kid, Dino, PittsBurg Justin, & Minnesota Scott) to line up against the mighty 1st place Greyhounds. With his sweet (and hot) asian wife listening in, Pigs General Manager Mangler pics up his cell phone, steps out on the porch (reception issues) and starts recruiting. 1st call: Tall MF Gary...answering machine says"wine me, dine me, 69 me." Mangler turns to his wife and says "fuck...who can we call wife...the Pigs need you...think woman." Think she did! "Call that badass Czech muthafucker I went to High School with...he can send the non-English speaking T-bore and perhaps another." After a few minutes of cell phone magic Mangler shouts: "Hot damn wife! We now have 7 Pigs...and if Dino can secure the services of "Mike" we've got ourselves a team and you my dear just earned a week of Cunny!"

T minus :20 mintues to game time the locker room is dark, damp, and filled with dread as Pigs Mangler, Kid, Jeff and Justin wonder where the Czechs, Minnesota and Dino are. "Has anyone seen Tall MF Gary?" With that in walks Tbore, his friend, and the interpretor that went to school with Manglers wife. "We're Here". Soon after Mike and Minnesota show up...no Dino (he showed up a few minutes later giving us the strenght of 8). As the seven of us exit the locker room the Kid asks that we take a moment of silence.

T minus :30 seconds to the puck drop Team Captain Dino takes charge "who's on Defense?" "Kid and Mangler"..."ok cool then, 2 lines up!"

1st Period:
T plus 1:30 mintues: Kid comes to the bench..."we need a third defensemen...my dogs are tired."
T plus 7:32 mintues: Greyhounds score on a power play goal and take a 1-0 lead.
T plus 12:12 minutes: Greyhounds score on a power play goal and take a 2-0 lead. "Let's run up the score" one Greyhound shouts to his team mates

Dino/Jeff address the team in between periods...something like "Where the fuck is tall Gary".

2nd Period:
T plus 8:58 minutes: Number 15 Grayhounds takes a run at the Kid and gets a roughing call in our defensive zone. Mike says to him "someone is getting tired"...seems the 8 Pig skaters start to take control by playing position, passing, and puck pressure. Moments later Mike burries a goal...Pigs trail 2 to 1 yet completely dominate possession, shots, and scoring chances.

3rd Period:
T plus :40 seconds: Minnesota Scott with a tripple deek...we're all locked up at 2's.
T plus 3:58 minutes: Minnesota Scott roofs one...Pigs lead 3-2.
T plus 12:01 minutes: Dino unholsters his 45, descends into the tunnel and flushes out "Charlie" with a back breaker...Pigs lead 4-2.

Horn sounds...Pigs win 4-2 in an amazing game!

After the game Mangler asks the kid..."what was with the moment of silence"..."Coz...we needed a 9th skater so the best I could do was invoke the spirit of the best position playing Pig of all time...Coz!

Hell of a game fellas!

Anyone heard from Tall MF Gary?

Next Game: 1/24/06 (Sunday)
Pigs @ Black Ice (oly)
Bitches: Kid, Jeff, Herrick
Meat Puppet: Lemon (roll over as grill was cancelled due to rain)
Fast Eddy: Rosey

Pigs Lose 3-0 to Mavericks: Greenspan Diplomacy to blame

In a move simply known as "Greenspan Diplomacy" the Pigs volunteered to change jerseys from Black to White prior to the initial puck drop in order to accommodate the needs to our dark Blue only opponents. It seems the Pigs willingness to bend over backwards as a means of allowing the visiting team to feel "comfortable" was instrumental in the Mavericks 2nd period assault accounting for all three of their goals in a span of 1:47. "We knew once they agreed to change sweaters after we told em' we only had dark Blue that they were soft. Given the right circumstances we knew we could exploit and win the game" an unidentified Maverick reported after the game. Even the Referee's were overheard between periods "changing jerseys is for pussies." Recent illegal wiretapping and has revealed that ex pig Coach Greenspan has been clandestinely leading the Mavericks since week 3 and instructed the team to only sport the dark Blue jerseys as a means to undermine Pig confidence.

Pig Ears:

*Pigs level off to 5-5-1 after a tough loss. The return of Mo and Marsella not enough get past Greenie’s Mavericks.
*Mac almost decapitated by an unidentified Maverick in move described only as “I’ve never seen anything like it.”
*Dino taking names and cracking skulls after the Mac incident making past and present “Tunnel Rats” proud.
*Quote of the night: “Are you guys kidding” - Tall MF Gary to the Kid when told he should give Fast Eddy some money as the team’s Fast Eddy delegate for the 1/12 game.
*Pics courtesy Minnesota Scott (I was only able to post one...I'm working on that).

Next game: 1/17/06: Pigs (6th place, 5-5-1) @ Greyhounds (1st place, 8-2-1) 9:00pm (NHL)
>Beer Bitches: Herrick, Kid, Jeff
>Fast Eddy: Rosie
>Meat Puppet: Lemon (Lem will be handing off his meat to the Mangler). For anyone who is concerned Lemon is comfortably resting with his Marbles on Ice after a successful “snip” this afternoon. Good luck to you with the Lemon!

1/12: Ex Pig Greats Mo and Marsella joining the squad tonight. Pigs at home vs. the Mavericks. Both teams tied for fourth with 11 points.

News flash (courtesy Mac): Tall Mother Fucking Gary testing out his re-attached labia-majora.

News Flash: Former Puck Pig "Greenie" (now going by the street name Raphael) gets "stoned" in Montreal.

Fellow Pig players were unavailable for comment however current team Captain McClure provided this off the record remark. "The Puck Pig front office has severed all ties to the former player/coach. Goiter or not...we simply do not have room for yet another player with a weak wrist shot."

Story Courtesy AP

Pigs Start 2006 Jedi style

Pig Ears from 1/4:

• The force was strong last night with our Light Saber wielding captain providing a pair of pts to fuel a 3-2 win over the hated Black Ice. Jedi Goaltender Jeff played a few mindtricks on opposing Black Ice forwards in particular with a 3^rd period wave the glove to prevent a 3-2 turn of events.
• Fire squad learning how to bleed (Doyle) and fight (K Rose) on frozen surfaces. Good work boys.
• Pitt Justin continues to impress Pig fans by scoring his team leading 6^th lamp lighter (which happened to be the game winner). Justin delighted the downtown Oakland community after the game by making himself available for autographs and photo sessions.
• Fraser (well he borrowed it from Dino) digs deep and gives Fast Eddy a “Fiver” to ring in the new year with a couple of Old English 40s.

Next Game: 1/12 (Thursday) 10:15pm Mavericks @ Pigs (Oly)
Bitches: Gracie, Fraser, Herrick
Fast Eddy: Tall Mother F*&%ing Gary
Meat Puppet: Mac (again due to a Mangler Gas Glitch).

Season Record: 5-4-1 (4th tie)