Friday, March 30, 2007

3/25/07 Playoff Hockey is Here; Pigs partner with Canadian Youth.

Finishing the regular season with an impressive 15-4-1 record the Pigs ventured into the playoff pool ranked #2 pitting us against the #9 Bulldogs. After a 15 minute delay waiting for Oakland PD to arrive to escort a few players from the Ice (our long time fat f#@! friend #75 was ineligible to play yet refused to leave the ice) the game started. The Kid opened up the 2007 Pig Playoff season with a goal while adding another later in the 1st period as the Pigs cruised to a 12-1 victory. “The way Mac’s fantasy hockey team was playing I had to do something on the ice to build his spirits” recalled the Kid in reference to Mac’s line up call partnering Kid with point powerhouse Tmac. Round two scheduled for 3/29.

In other news Tall Gary was on hand not only to rack up 3 assists in front of the home crowd he was able to kick off his latest business venture. Gary has partnered with a Canadian Youth organization committing every aluminum beer can consumed during or after a Pigs game be properly recycled with all the proceeds flowing north. Pictured below with a youth recycling the very first two cans. Congrats guys!

3/22/07 Recipe for Championship Hockey (Papi Style)

1) Line Changes: 45 - 60 second shifts, Shoot in - get off (Change as a unit)
2) 2 way hockey: Win all races for the puck, Play hard on the puck, 1 forward high two deep, Forwards come back into "D" zone to support, Outlet pass from "D" No floating in the neutral zone
3) Puck Movement: Crisp flat passes ( no chip shots ), Make sure puck gets thru ( not in their pads), Chip & flow (use angles off boards) this, keeps our guy moving
4) Passing: 200% rule, Not up the gut (middle of ice), Use soft dumps, Support puck carrier by making your stick available for pass
5) Protecting the lead: Trapping, one forechecker, Pick off errant passes, No pinching
6) Goalie: Puck support behind the net, Aggressive puckhandling on Power Play.

Go Pigs!

And now a message from Herrick, Denny & Kid to all our wingmen out there. Live the Dream boys!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Mahalo from the Lem. "Go Pigs"


Sunday, March 18, 2007

GLOBAL WARNING (Warming): Hockey Heralded As Enemy Of The Earth??

Mangler...we will not stand for this as it threatens our way of life. Simply put...the average white, heterosexual male has had it with this crap. Talk to your people before we hurt them.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

March 6, 2007: Pigs Lock up the #2 seed & Pop Cherry explains the Dangle

Tuesday’s game against the Mavericks proved that with the right inspiration anything can happen. It all started with a surprise locker-room visit from one of the all time greats…Pop Cherry. The patented finger point and a few words about “dangling” was all it took for the Pigs to avenge their week 9 loss (4-1) to the Mavericks. It only took the Kid 18 seconds to light the lamp in the 1st period off a Papi/Mac rebound in front of the net. No dangling yet a 1-0 lead. Seconds later the turtle “waives” a Papi goal claiming Mac was in the crease. Pigs extended their lead to 2-0 midway through the second off a t-mac PP goal. Pipes made the play of the game stopping a 2-0 while the Pigs were enjoying a 2 man advantage to keep the two goal advantage. A late 2nd period breakdown cost the Pigs a goal and made it a 2-1 game entering the 3rd. With spring league baseball in full swing t-mac warmed up with a mid air netter to seal the deal at 3-1. Game note: Pig all star defensemen Gracie with a tear, stepped forward and accepted the “unsung hero” award for the 2006-2007 season. Gracie listing last in PPG with a miniscule .27 does so many things on the ice that don’t show on the stat sheet. “I’m just hopping to get mentioned in the blog this week,” Gracie said upon accepting this award. Prior year winners include the “shadow” Greenspan and Big T. Neither was reachable for comment.



Inside the numbers: Pipe Dreams

Goaltender and reality based super smart guy “Pipes” is having quite a season. Posting a career best 14-3-1 record the goaltender is arguably playing in the “out of skull” mode reminiscent of the 2003 Pig Championship season. At the 10,000 foot level there is some concern that this record is artificially supported due to the great offensive numbers the team is posting. Let’s dive a little deeper. The Pigs are scoring 5.11 goals per game. Pipes is giving up an even 3.00 with a save percentage just south of .900. Championships are won with goaltending and if Pipes wants to live the dream he will need to step it up a notch. Or does he? Over the last three games Pipes is on Championship pace with a 1.67 GAA and .940 save percentage. Coach Cherry targets a sub 2 GAA and at least a .935 save percentage to have any chance of bringing home the cup. Pipes…dreams do come true.

Friday, March 09, 2007

March 6, 2007: Nanny’s Gone Wild, F*&^% Haole!

Trailing 1-0 to the Bulldogs at the close of the 1st horn, goal scoring titan T-mac kicked things off scoring his 8th hat trick of the year giving the Pigs a 3-1 lead going into the final frame. “Where did you guys find that guy” reserve Pig and Reno resident Greg shouted (that's Greg in the Pig mask below sipping an ice cold Coors Light). He stopped shouting soon there after as he was the recipient of a intent to injure Major penalty that was the catalyst for three more Pig goals in the 3rd. Things got a little chippy down the stretch with Papi and Longshore getting the short end of a few hits. “Denny’s got to be patient” Papi told the team after the game…he goes after those guys right away…experience tells me I’ve got two or three seasons to line up the perfect hit.” Pigs went on to win this one 6-2…then the discussion turned towards Tall Gary.



Tall Gary? “Never heard of him” said Herrick after learning the forty something veteran Pig player originally committed to the game but cancelled last minute due to a nanny shortage (Tall Gary’s nanny was deported due to a visa violation). “It’s guys like Tall Gary that always make the argument for increased immigration to keep the labor supply heavy,” snorted Dino via satellite. “The middle class gets screwed...I mean I can’t afford to pay an undocumented guy $80 a month to mow my lawn let alone pay $7.25 an hour for an illegal nanny…my wife does it all.” Blue chip defenseman and Engineer Lemon offered up some additional immigration by the numbers tips and reminded everyone not to hate the immigrant but the policies and politicians that continue to allow it at rates that exceed our ability to absorb. Jeff is running the numbers now to see if Lemons calculations hold up. KRose concluded (and Gracie should take note) the discussion by letting everyone know that Oakland may be a safer place to drive than his former stopping grounds on the Islands.

Friday, March 02, 2007

March 2, 2007 Pig Spotlight: The forgotten Mac

It was only last year when former Canadian and Team Captain Kent McClure was the only "Mac" on the squad. Dating back to as early as reliable stats were kept (1998) Mac has been atop the heap (except for 1998 when the Blucher Boys owned the team):

1998: 3rd in pts (24), behind Blucher brother line mates Kid (26), and Obus (30) CHAMPIONSHIP
1999: 1st in pts (29) edging out fellow SLO boys Rosie (28) and Dino (25)
2000: No reliable records as Goalie Rich decided counting money was more important than accurate record keeping
2001: 1st in pts (30) dominating all Pigs with “54” (18), Kid (15) in tow
2002: 1st in pts (31) again with “54” (27) and Kid (16) trailing. CHAMPIONSHIP
2003: 1st in pts (22) followed by Dino (20) and Longshore (19)
2004: 1st in pts (38) lagged by Dino (26) and Gracie (18)
2005: 1st in pts (27) again trailed by Dino (18) and Minnesota Scott (15)

Things started to change in 2006 when the Pig front office signed a pair of talented "Mac’s" (Papi Mac and T-Mac) to the squad. The parallels to 1998 are too strong to dismiss.

2006: (thru game 17) 3rd in pts (20) behind McDonald father Papi (29) and son T-mac (44).

Might be too soon to tell if the this 2006 squad is ready to win it all however one thing is for sure…we have not forgotten who the original “Mac” is and where our bread is buttered. Your lovely wife and kids had this to say "We love you Mac...no matter what you are #1 in our book." The team feels the same way!

Thursday, March 01, 2007

February 27, 2007: Pigs Pound Hounds; Stocks Fall on Beer Supply Warnings

The porky Pigs pickled the visiting Black Hounds to the tune of 6-2 in front of Herrick’s street clad comrade (double click the pic below and look past the Pig for the dude in the "Sox" hat). “He’z dope” was all 1st star of the game RW T-mac could muster when handed the microphone. T-mac posted his league leading 7th hat trick of the season all the while making friends with buxom British blondes in between games (see T-mac’s cell phone for details). Pipes receiving the Pig mask and 2nd star honors had this to say “Miller Light sucks” (more on this later). 3rd star accolades go to former tunnel rat line anchor, Dino, for bringing ice cold “Stella Artois” and the sweetest one-timer of the night. The win puts the Pigs tenuously in 2nd place sporting a robust 12-4-1 record and tied for the league lead in goals scored (84). While the Pig performance on the ice certainly is peaking the off ice peripherals need work. Case (or lack there of) in point are the 6 Miller Lights & 3 Coors lights brought by Fire Friendly KRose. Are you kidding me? Even worse was ex 80s porn star and this week’s beer bitch Longshore not showing up with his share of the highly coveted brews. And you thought “blue balls” was the worst thing imaginable in your teen years. Ha. Beer was on such short supply that the team had to sponsor an offsite brewery session to ensure there were enough libations for the Nation. At this session word has it Mangler was called every name known to man for missing his second straight game.


Game Highlights:
>Best back handed shot: Lemon’s dribbler that somehow find its way to T-macs stick.
>Best line change(s): Kid/Gracie setting up Lemon/Papi with a few sweet offensive zone “on the flys”
>Best goal: Dino (see above)
>Best Beer: Dino (see above)
>Best Hit: Kid vs Herrick (sorry buddy)
>Best crease clear: Rosey (that guy should complete a rape kit and submit to Oakland PD)
>Best defensive move: Lemon’s 2:1 stick check late in the 3rd
>Best defensive offensive move(s): whatever Papi does
>Best offensive defensive move: Herrick coving the point while Papi does this thing
>Worst line change: Gracie says Lemon hung him out to dry once. Lemon says he had an equip issue.
>Worst Goal: is there ever a bad goal (well yes…just ask Mangler and Herrick)
>Worst Beer: MG light (KRose)