FOR IMMEDIATE
RELEASE
5/20/2007
Top Anti-USA
Terrorist
Captured
RELEASE
5/20/2007
Top Anti-USA
Terrorist
Captured
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Friday, June 01, 2007
May 31, 2007: Webster taunts Pig Legend; “Hollow” you say?
Well it all started with a schedule snafu where three teams suited up and gathered on the ice for an 8:45 game. Captain Mac went right to work trying to figure it out with the other captains. Each referencing a schedule showing it was their team slotted at 8:45. While there were no Mexicans on the ice it was a Mexican stand off. Finally the assistant hockey director lumbered out with laptop in hand to settle the dispute. Here’s the dialog:
The scene: a hockey rink yet off ice next to the boards by the drinking fountains, a group of players and other Oakland Ice officials huddled over a PC looking at a hockey schedule.
The Characters: all playing themselves, Mac, Lemon, and various Pigs, assistant hockey director, and an unidentified goalie
Assistant Hockey Director: sorry guys…it looks like the Pigs don’t play until 10:15
Mac: huh…the last schedule I have says we play at 8:45
Assistant Hockey Director: nope…I sent a revised revised schedule out on Friday…that is the one we are looking at now
Mac: umm I never received one. This is BUSH. No one updated me with these “particulars”
Assistant Hockey Director: uhhhh sorry
Lemon (coming emotionally unglued upon the realization that he would not be playing hockey tonight due to him having to be at work at 11:00pm): This is fucked up. I pay $450 dollars a season for this shit. Fuck you. Can’t you get a schedule right? This is the 3rd one and we are already into the 4th game of an already short season.
Assistant Hockey Director: sorry
Lemon (still in the Assistant Hockey Director’s face): total bullshit…yada yada yada
Unidentified goalie (in full goalie regalia, about 5’6” and very young talking to Lemon): easy bro…it’s not his fault
Lemon: what is your problem kid?
Unidentified goalie: you wanna go?
Lemon: huh?
Unidentified goalie: I’ll drop you right here bitch
Lemon (chuckling now): right…how bout you call me when your nuts drop.
Unidentified goalie: I’m 19 fucker
Lemon: whatever Webster….
That was that and the Pigs headed to the locker room to kill an hour and a half by telling tales of Pig seasons past (all the Tall Gary injury stories, Pete’s “particularly” funny pistol story, 1998 Championship, 2003 Championship, German Bier recipies from Pipes, Deaf Ron, Gordie, and theories as to why goalie Rich was such an ass) over a couple of beers (three in Longshore’s case). The Pigs then played the Blue to a tired tune of 5-1 behind some gritty front line play from Papi and a couple of Danny New Boy goals. After the game the tired Pigs when topside to welcome in Friday morning with some Caspar dogs courtousy of Fireman Rob. During this time it became clear to Papi that there is too much mystery around skate sharpening.
Papi’s Corner: Everyone knows a blade has two edges, an inside and an outside. Between these two edges is what the skating community calls a “hollow.” A skate with a deep hollow has very pronounced and aggressive edges (great for sharp turns, not so great for speed) whereas a skate with a shallow hollow produce faster speeds however don’t grip the ice as well given their bite angle is not as direct. Ice hockey players need to find the right balance between deep and shallow. The most common hockey blade hollow sharpening choices one might ask for at local hockey shop are (measured in ROH or Radius of Hollow):
Shallow: Less Bite (more speed and glide)
½”
7/16”
3/8”
5/16”
¼”
Deeper: More Bite (aggressive edges and ice grab)
Kid’s Recommendation:
Most of the Pigs should stay on the shallower end of the pool. A few exceptions:
Tall Gary: his sheer size may demand a deeper cut
Tmac: should experiment with deep cuts due to his superior skills
Pete: see Tall Gary
Papi: see TG and Tmac
Lemon: go 3/8…you like to put the breaks on as well as go coast to coast
KRose: see Tall Gary
Pipes: good luck
Well it all started with a schedule snafu where three teams suited up and gathered on the ice for an 8:45 game. Captain Mac went right to work trying to figure it out with the other captains. Each referencing a schedule showing it was their team slotted at 8:45. While there were no Mexicans on the ice it was a Mexican stand off. Finally the assistant hockey director lumbered out with laptop in hand to settle the dispute. Here’s the dialog:
The scene: a hockey rink yet off ice next to the boards by the drinking fountains, a group of players and other Oakland Ice officials huddled over a PC looking at a hockey schedule.
The Characters: all playing themselves, Mac, Lemon, and various Pigs, assistant hockey director, and an unidentified goalie
Assistant Hockey Director: sorry guys…it looks like the Pigs don’t play until 10:15
Mac: huh…the last schedule I have says we play at 8:45
Assistant Hockey Director: nope…I sent a revised revised schedule out on Friday…that is the one we are looking at now
Mac: umm I never received one. This is BUSH. No one updated me with these “particulars”
Assistant Hockey Director: uhhhh sorry
Lemon (coming emotionally unglued upon the realization that he would not be playing hockey tonight due to him having to be at work at 11:00pm): This is fucked up. I pay $450 dollars a season for this shit. Fuck you. Can’t you get a schedule right? This is the 3rd one and we are already into the 4th game of an already short season.
Assistant Hockey Director: sorry
Lemon (still in the Assistant Hockey Director’s face): total bullshit…yada yada yada
Unidentified goalie (in full goalie regalia, about 5’6” and very young talking to Lemon): easy bro…it’s not his fault
Lemon: what is your problem kid?
Unidentified goalie: you wanna go?
Lemon: huh?
Unidentified goalie: I’ll drop you right here bitch
Lemon (chuckling now): right…how bout you call me when your nuts drop.
Unidentified goalie: I’m 19 fucker
Lemon: whatever Webster….
That was that and the Pigs headed to the locker room to kill an hour and a half by telling tales of Pig seasons past (all the Tall Gary injury stories, Pete’s “particularly” funny pistol story, 1998 Championship, 2003 Championship, German Bier recipies from Pipes, Deaf Ron, Gordie, and theories as to why goalie Rich was such an ass) over a couple of beers (three in Longshore’s case). The Pigs then played the Blue to a tired tune of 5-1 behind some gritty front line play from Papi and a couple of Danny New Boy goals. After the game the tired Pigs when topside to welcome in Friday morning with some Caspar dogs courtousy of Fireman Rob. During this time it became clear to Papi that there is too much mystery around skate sharpening.
Papi’s Corner: Everyone knows a blade has two edges, an inside and an outside. Between these two edges is what the skating community calls a “hollow.” A skate with a deep hollow has very pronounced and aggressive edges (great for sharp turns, not so great for speed) whereas a skate with a shallow hollow produce faster speeds however don’t grip the ice as well given their bite angle is not as direct. Ice hockey players need to find the right balance between deep and shallow. The most common hockey blade hollow sharpening choices one might ask for at local hockey shop are (measured in ROH or Radius of Hollow):
Shallow: Less Bite (more speed and glide)
½”
7/16”
3/8”
5/16”
¼”
Deeper: More Bite (aggressive edges and ice grab)
Kid’s Recommendation:
Most of the Pigs should stay on the shallower end of the pool. A few exceptions:
Tall Gary: his sheer size may demand a deeper cut
Tmac: should experiment with deep cuts due to his superior skills
Pete: see Tall Gary
Papi: see TG and Tmac
Lemon: go 3/8…you like to put the breaks on as well as go coast to coast
KRose: see Tall Gary
Pipes: good luck
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