3/25/07 Playoff Hockey is Here; Pigs partner with Canadian Youth.

Finishing the regular season with an impressive 15-4-1 record the Pigs ventured into the playoff pool ranked #2 pitting us against the #9 Bulldogs. After a 15 minute delay waiting for Oakland PD to arrive to escort a few players from the Ice (our long time fat f#@! friend #75 was ineligible to play yet refused to leave the ice) the game started. The Kid opened up the 2007 Pig Playoff season with a goal while adding another later in the 1st period as the Pigs cruised to a 12-1 victory. “The way Mac’s fantasy hockey team was playing I had to do something on the ice to build his spirits” recalled the Kid in reference to Mac’s line up call partnering Kid with point powerhouse Tmac. Round two scheduled for 3/29.

In other news Tall Gary was on hand not only to rack up 3 assists in front of the home crowd he was able to kick off his latest business venture. Gary has partnered with a Canadian Youth organization committing every aluminum beer can consumed during or after a Pigs game be properly recycled with all the proceeds flowing north. Pictured below with a youth recycling the very first two cans. Congrats guys!

3/22/07 Recipe for Championship Hockey (Papi Style)

1) Line Changes: 45 - 60 second shifts, Shoot in - get off (Change as a unit)
2) 2 way hockey: Win all races for the puck, Play hard on the puck, 1 forward high two deep, Forwards come back into "D" zone to support, Outlet pass from "D" No floating in the neutral zone
3) Puck Movement: Crisp flat passes ( no chip shots ), Make sure puck gets thru ( not in their pads), Chip & flow (use angles off boards) this, keeps our guy moving
4) Passing: 200% rule, Not up the gut (middle of ice), Use soft dumps, Support puck carrier by making your stick available for pass
5) Protecting the lead: Trapping, one forechecker, Pick off errant passes, No pinching
6) Goalie: Puck support behind the net, Aggressive puckhandling on Power Play.

Go Pigs!

And now a message from Herrick, Denny & Kid to all our wingmen out there. Live the Dream boys!

Mahalo from the Lem. "Go Pigs"

GLOBAL WARNING (Warming): Hockey Heralded As Enemy Of The Earth??

Mangler...we will not stand for this as it threatens our way of life. Simply put...the average white, heterosexual male has had it with this crap. Talk to your people before we hurt them.

March 6, 2007: Pigs Lock up the #2 seed & Pop Cherry explains the Dangle

Tuesday’s game against the Mavericks proved that with the right inspiration anything can happen. It all started with a surprise locker-room visit from one of the all time greats…Pop Cherry. The patented finger point and a few words about “dangling” was all it took for the Pigs to avenge their week 9 loss (4-1) to the Mavericks. It only took the Kid 18 seconds to light the lamp in the 1st period off a Papi/Mac rebound in front of the net. No dangling yet a 1-0 lead. Seconds later the turtle “waives” a Papi goal claiming Mac was in the crease. Pigs extended their lead to 2-0 midway through the second off a t-mac PP goal. Pipes made the play of the game stopping a 2-0 while the Pigs were enjoying a 2 man advantage to keep the two goal advantage. A late 2nd period breakdown cost the Pigs a goal and made it a 2-1 game entering the 3rd. With spring league baseball in full swing t-mac warmed up with a mid air netter to seal the deal at 3-1. Game note: Pig all star defensemen Gracie with a tear, stepped forward and accepted the “unsung hero” award for the 2006-2007 season. Gracie listing last in PPG with a miniscule .27 does so many things on the ice that don’t show on the stat sheet. “I’m just hopping to get mentioned in the blog this week,” Gracie said upon accepting this award. Prior year winners include the “shadow” Greenspan and Big T. Neither was reachable for comment.



Inside the numbers: Pipe Dreams

Goaltender and reality based super smart guy “Pipes” is having quite a season. Posting a career best 14-3-1 record the goaltender is arguably playing in the “out of skull” mode reminiscent of the 2003 Pig Championship season. At the 10,000 foot level there is some concern that this record is artificially supported due to the great offensive numbers the team is posting. Let’s dive a little deeper. The Pigs are scoring 5.11 goals per game. Pipes is giving up an even 3.00 with a save percentage just south of .900. Championships are won with goaltending and if Pipes wants to live the dream he will need to step it up a notch. Or does he? Over the last three games Pipes is on Championship pace with a 1.67 GAA and .940 save percentage. Coach Cherry targets a sub 2 GAA and at least a .935 save percentage to have any chance of bringing home the cup. Pipes…dreams do come true.

March 6, 2007: Nanny’s Gone Wild, F*&^% Haole!

Trailing 1-0 to the Bulldogs at the close of the 1st horn, goal scoring titan T-mac kicked things off scoring his 8th hat trick of the year giving the Pigs a 3-1 lead going into the final frame. “Where did you guys find that guy” reserve Pig and Reno resident Greg shouted (that's Greg in the Pig mask below sipping an ice cold Coors Light). He stopped shouting soon there after as he was the recipient of a intent to injure Major penalty that was the catalyst for three more Pig goals in the 3rd. Things got a little chippy down the stretch with Papi and Longshore getting the short end of a few hits. “Denny’s got to be patient” Papi told the team after the game…he goes after those guys right away…experience tells me I’ve got two or three seasons to line up the perfect hit.” Pigs went on to win this one 6-2…then the discussion turned towards Tall Gary.



Tall Gary? “Never heard of him” said Herrick after learning the forty something veteran Pig player originally committed to the game but cancelled last minute due to a nanny shortage (Tall Gary’s nanny was deported due to a visa violation). “It’s guys like Tall Gary that always make the argument for increased immigration to keep the labor supply heavy,” snorted Dino via satellite. “The middle class gets screwed...I mean I can’t afford to pay an undocumented guy $80 a month to mow my lawn let alone pay $7.25 an hour for an illegal nanny…my wife does it all.” Blue chip defenseman and Engineer Lemon offered up some additional immigration by the numbers tips and reminded everyone not to hate the immigrant but the policies and politicians that continue to allow it at rates that exceed our ability to absorb. Jeff is running the numbers now to see if Lemons calculations hold up. KRose concluded (and Gracie should take note) the discussion by letting everyone know that Oakland may be a safer place to drive than his former stopping grounds on the Islands.

March 2, 2007 Pig Spotlight: The forgotten Mac

It was only last year when former Canadian and Team Captain Kent McClure was the only "Mac" on the squad. Dating back to as early as reliable stats were kept (1998) Mac has been atop the heap (except for 1998 when the Blucher Boys owned the team):

1998: 3rd in pts (24), behind Blucher brother line mates Kid (26), and Obus (30) CHAMPIONSHIP
1999: 1st in pts (29) edging out fellow SLO boys Rosie (28) and Dino (25)
2000: No reliable records as Goalie Rich decided counting money was more important than accurate record keeping
2001: 1st in pts (30) dominating all Pigs with “54” (18), Kid (15) in tow
2002: 1st in pts (31) again with “54” (27) and Kid (16) trailing. CHAMPIONSHIP
2003: 1st in pts (22) followed by Dino (20) and Longshore (19)
2004: 1st in pts (38) lagged by Dino (26) and Gracie (18)
2005: 1st in pts (27) again trailed by Dino (18) and Minnesota Scott (15)

Things started to change in 2006 when the Pig front office signed a pair of talented "Mac’s" (Papi Mac and T-Mac) to the squad. The parallels to 1998 are too strong to dismiss.

2006: (thru game 17) 3rd in pts (20) behind McDonald father Papi (29) and son T-mac (44).

Might be too soon to tell if the this 2006 squad is ready to win it all however one thing is for sure…we have not forgotten who the original “Mac” is and where our bread is buttered. Your lovely wife and kids had this to say "We love you Mac...no matter what you are #1 in our book." The team feels the same way!

February 27, 2007: Pigs Pound Hounds; Stocks Fall on Beer Supply Warnings

The porky Pigs pickled the visiting Black Hounds to the tune of 6-2 in front of Herrick’s street clad comrade (double click the pic below and look past the Pig for the dude in the "Sox" hat). “He’z dope” was all 1st star of the game RW T-mac could muster when handed the microphone. T-mac posted his league leading 7th hat trick of the season all the while making friends with buxom British blondes in between games (see T-mac’s cell phone for details). Pipes receiving the Pig mask and 2nd star honors had this to say “Miller Light sucks” (more on this later). 3rd star accolades go to former tunnel rat line anchor, Dino, for bringing ice cold “Stella Artois” and the sweetest one-timer of the night. The win puts the Pigs tenuously in 2nd place sporting a robust 12-4-1 record and tied for the league lead in goals scored (84). While the Pig performance on the ice certainly is peaking the off ice peripherals need work. Case (or lack there of) in point are the 6 Miller Lights & 3 Coors lights brought by Fire Friendly KRose. Are you kidding me? Even worse was ex 80s porn star and this week’s beer bitch Longshore not showing up with his share of the highly coveted brews. And you thought “blue balls” was the worst thing imaginable in your teen years. Ha. Beer was on such short supply that the team had to sponsor an offsite brewery session to ensure there were enough libations for the Nation. At this session word has it Mangler was called every name known to man for missing his second straight game.


Game Highlights:
>Best back handed shot: Lemon’s dribbler that somehow find its way to T-macs stick.
>Best line change(s): Kid/Gracie setting up Lemon/Papi with a few sweet offensive zone “on the flys”
>Best goal: Dino (see above)
>Best Beer: Dino (see above)
>Best Hit: Kid vs Herrick (sorry buddy)
>Best crease clear: Rosey (that guy should complete a rape kit and submit to Oakland PD)
>Best defensive move: Lemon’s 2:1 stick check late in the 3rd
>Best defensive offensive move(s): whatever Papi does
>Best offensive defensive move: Herrick coving the point while Papi does this thing
>Worst line change: Gracie says Lemon hung him out to dry once. Lemon says he had an equip issue.
>Worst Goal: is there ever a bad goal (well yes…just ask Mangler and Herrick)
>Worst Beer: MG light (KRose)

Al-Quaida Pizza and a Hat Trick +2

Since the Kid is away on family vacation I will post. Many of you were sorely missed....Not Really! The Pigs were about to face their biggest challenge of the season vs. the formidlble might of the Valut. The Vault just coming of a tie to the last place PBR had something to prove. The Pigs on the other hand coming off an W vs. the Edge knew this was going to be a nailbiter and they didn't disappoint. RPM was called up from the Over 40 Blazers to fill a big gap on D....Nice work. He had just gotten in a contract dispute with the managing partners of the Blazers and might be a late trade edition for summer on the Pigs....Negotiations are underway. Now to the action. T Mac.....for those who were there need I say more. T lit the lamp not once, not twice but 5 times a lady my friends. Yes he saw that the D was going to struggle with a no show from Mangler and yes Frazer....Did you say Frazer? Yes I did. His status is still unknown. Last word was there was some type of squirrel incident. Anyway T knew he wasn't going to get much help from the Turtle so he took things into his own hands. He led a flurry of 5 goals tallied in the final frame. Excellent work Head Manning the Puck. Pipes as usual played out of his skull. Lem let him down a time or 2 and so did PG. Pipes showcased some Hasek skills with a double paddle save that eventually found the back of the net with the Lem saying..MY BAD! Remember it is never to late to get back. Peter made it pretty clear he was beaten by Vault star #38 when after being beaten like he has never been before turns to look and Lem and give him a OOOPPS! Had to be there. All in all a nice effort. Rosey and Longshore continued to fluster the D and Herrick...well lets just say the best end to end man since Rocket Richard. Mac finally got the monkey off his back with a huge goal to pull the Pigs within 2 on a great chip and flow feed from Lem to T Mac who handed Mac the back of the net on a platter. Dino coming off back to back hatties had a plane to catch but made damn sure he got his fill of ice. He and Mac had there pattented give and go but unfortunately less go then give when it came to goals.....Hey you weren't there so no monday morning quarterbacking. The 9 that showed up played hard and played well. Now if we can carry that spirit over and remember it is never over till it is over we will hoist the pocket calculator once more. See you all soon. Oh yeah and RPM is off the beer hook Dino with the purchase or Pizza....2 for $20 (my jaw is still recovering).

2/15/2007 Papi’s Corner

Subject: Head Manning the puck.

the

This tactic is very common when players in full flight are moving down ice with a teammate following with the puck. Head manning the puck will allow the attacking players to receive the puck in full flight, therefore putting additional pressure on the opposing team. The tactic requires the puck carrier to look up ice, find a passing lane and deliver the puck to his teammates stick. When this tactic is not carried out correctly the teammate will run out of ice, slow down or stop, therefore taking him out of the play. Crisp, flat passes are recommended.

February 13, 2007: Big Pussy Pig, Pigs Win 5-1

Those who watch the Soprano’s know what happened to “Big Pussy” when he betrayed Tony. We on the Pigs treat matters similar to how the HBO production squad does things on TV. One such Pig learned a valuable lesson over the past few weeks. His name: Mangler. His crime: Treason (fraternizing with vVault). If Jack is walking funny this morning it may be because of that faulty pair of laces that tripped him up good behind the net or perhaps it is due to a special “Valentine” the Lem threw him after the two blueliners snuck off after the Pig 5-1 victory last night.

2/7/2007: Canadian Town Stands Firm

Gracie travels to Herouxville to present the town with a “back bacon” plaque. Plaque was signed by all members of the Pig Nation in a symbolic act of support for Heoruxville’s stance on protecting their way of life.

2/5/2007: Pigs Dominate Dogs; Roadrunner Blast From the Past

Super Bowl??? We’re talking hockey as the Pigs dominated the Black Dogs Sunday night to the tune of 6-2. The team was rewarded with b&w photos of “Jesse” MacDonald from the old Calgary rodeo cerca 1979. A modern day urban cowboy!

Notables:

*T-mac scores 4 goals
*Herrick drops out of Lady Byng contention
*Tall MF Gary buys two cars
*Lemon gets into an altercation skating below the offensive circle (don’t do it bro…bad things happen down there)
*Mangler skates the pond; has beer with Sota Pop; rejects vVault offer

Blast from the Past: The Buck Years: 1996: Roadrunners and Puck Pigs Go Down To The Wire

1/31/2007: Pigs Support Small Canadian Town Policy

In a split decision Pig Elders voted 2-1 to support Herouxville's "That's Enough Already" immigration integration policy. The majority Pig opinion was sympathetic to the Quebecers loss of the Nordiques and felt they should have somthing to call their own. "For Christs sake give em' a policy or two" one Elder cried out during the heated session. One Pig elder felt killing women by stoning them in public, burning them alive, burning them with acid, etc. was ok if the woman deserved it.

1/28/2007: Piglet Power; “Gumper” dead at 77

The Pig Nation showed in force Sunday night to witness the Pigs skate to 5-5 tie against the West Coast Whalers. Down by a goal with only 1:09 left to play Coach McClure signals Pipes to come off the ice for an extra man advantage. Twenty four seconds later Rosie buries one to knot things up and that’s how we left it. “I saw my 8 year old daughter Kate signaling me to call a time out and regroup” recalled Mac after the game. “She calls the shots you know.” Later she was overheard telling her dad “…it’s time to go…I’ve got school tomorrow…I’ll be waiting in the car.” The McClure clan was seen leaving shortly thereafter.

Other notables:

*Dino records his 2nd hat trick in as many weeks
*Papi plays in a t-shirt in lieu of Jersey…get’s warning from the stripes.
*13 Piglets and tons of spousal support from the Pig Nation
*T-mac barred from Piglet photo for use of profanity
*Mrs Longshore eats the pavement and pays with an ounce of flesh
*KRose cooks Casper’s for all
*Mangler vows to use the 200% pass up the middle rule. In an act of solidarity Lemon takes the same vow. (See section 8, rule 9 in Papi's Corner link)
*Gumper dead at 77

1/23/2007: Pigs Dominate as Iran Taunts the US and Israel; Chili dogs take their toll

While Dino was busy recording a hat trick in the Pigs 7-3 win over the PBR squad, Iranian leader Ahmadinejad “assured that the United States and the Zionist regime of Israel will soon come to the end of their lives." Pig scholar and goal tender Jeff who saved 12 of 15 shots on net briefly commented “there is no way that 2nd goal was a goal and there is no way the current conflict between the Shiites and Sunnis is a Zionist/US plot to dominate the region. It’s total malarky.” Ex Canadian patriot Tall MF Gary had this to say: “F*&^ the Iranians, f*&^ the Shiites, F*&^% the Sunnis…they don’t play hockey, they don’t drink beer…they are dead to me.” There was no comment from Ahmadinejad regarding Canada’s impending Armageddon.

It’s now day 2 after Longshore’s pickup truck style chili dogs…I’m all out of clean underwear.

1/16/2007: Chickens, Prairie Dogs and Pigs

Pigs post an 8-5 win over the Praire Dogs behind 11 pts from the duo of T and P Mac. With Family night rapidly approaching (1/28) the team has requested an encore presentation of Papi’s “Chicken” story for the wives and kids. Papi to bring a live chicken for demonstration purposes.

1/11/2007: Hot Score Keeper gives Pigs a “win” despite a 4-1 loss; Canadians prefer to drink beer indoors

Was it the “Chip and Flow” or the five defensemen set that carried the Pigs to a 4-1 loss late Thursday night? “All I know is the McDonald pair kept trying to get back in the penalty box to see the scorekeeper” said Captain McClure after the game. T mac was the first to stur things up on and off the ice. After his first trip to the box he could hardly wait to get back. “She’s kinda ‘butta’ T mac explained…everything’s good but her face.” Papi really showed his prowess not only by scoring the Pigs lone goal but also by scoring huge points becoming the score keeper’s favorite. “Sweetie you need to push that button right there to start the clock” Papi explained after about 30 seconds of his penalty expired yet the darling scorekeeper forgot to run the clock. Kid and Gracie did everything possible to get her attention however after that she was smitten for Papi. Even T mac made one more attempt to secure a few more minutes of alone time with the beauty yet was tossed for fighting. When the final horn sounded the Pigs fell to the Mavericks 4-1. After reviewing the score sheet this AM it looks like Papi’s charismatic ways with the scorekeeper paid off and it appears the Pigs were recorded as the 4-1 winners. So that’s the ole “Chip & Flow”. Nice work Papi.

Beer news: Canadians prefer to drink beer indoors while American’s like the outdoors says a group of researchers in Oakland, CA. A scientific study was conducted using beer league hockey players. Conditions were set with equally attractive alcoholic beverages available both indoors and outdoors. The indoor ambient temperate was controlled to a brisk 55 degrees F while the outdoor conditions were much more harsh at about 33 degrees F. Five of Six beer drinking Americans chose the much harsher outdoor scene while three of three Canadians selected the protected indoor environment to consume their brew. Several subjects chose to opt out of this study for fear their identities would be discovered by devoted loved ones.

An unidentifed indoor beer drinking American

A few of the more rugged oudoor beer drinking types

1/2/2007 Fast Eddy “hassled” by Oakland PD; Pigs win behind strong offensive defense

A dark cloud was cast over the downtown Oakland ice scene before the game as long time Pig supporter and panhandler “Fast Eddy” was rousted by Oakland PD for allegedly selling parking spots to hockey fans trying to get in to see the Pigs game. Eddy was visibly shaken after the incident but stuck around to see the Pigs win. Ed had this to say when questioned about the incident, “Naw…you guys know I’d never do that…hey you got some money so I can get a place to stay tonight?” Since 2005 the Pigs have instituted a strict “Greenspan” policy of not encouraging Ed’s panhandling. There are early reports that this policy was violated last night. An investigation is underway and violators will be dealt with appropriately and privately.

The Pigs were able to put all this drama aside and come away with a 4-3 win over the Bulldogs. The win was fueled largely by aggressive defensive play from the Lemon/Mangler tandem (1 goal, 3 assists). The game winning goal came on a power play from the shallow point off Lemon’s stick late in the 3rd…Longshore cleaned it up nicely…photos of the ice show 5 Pigs players within 1.5 meters of the crease. “We did what we had to” said the Mangler after the game on their style of blue line play. “We got beat a bunch on defense but we stuck to the plan and edged em’ out” said the Lem who was on the ice for all 7 goals scored. “Guess that makes me +1.”

Papi's Corner: Bulldogs 3rd goal was a classic (see section 7, bullet #2). I recall the Lem and Mangler picking themselves up behind our own net after the goal.

Rob: Carne Asada taco’s were fantastic. Thank you.

12/20/2006 T-mac’s Magic Goal, Mangler forces OT, Herrick plays Hero

Forget about what really happened that night…all you need to know are the following facts:

*9 brave skaters suited up + Pipes
*T-mac scored from the top of his own circle on a 5-3 penalty kill to move the Pigs in front 2-1
*Mangler forces OT by going top shelf on Jeff giving the Black Hounds their 3rd goal late in the 3rd. Herrick glee fully cheers!
*Herrick plays hero by scoring on a t-mac rebound in OT.

A note from the Pigs “number 1*” fan below. Good luck in 2007!


*Picture from eldest McClure daughter. She has not seen a game since 2004 casting a cloud of doubt on her “#1” status. Time for daddy to bring the family out!!!!!