3/27/2008: Pigs v Chuds

Pigs continue to roll with a sound dismantling of the Chuds to the tune of 4-1 before a season high one fan last night in Oakland. It was the first game back for Mangler who had been nursing a nagging labia pull since week #3 when he got into a pre game hallway tussle over a tube of Grecian “forever young” hair product. The Pigs have one regular season game remaining and look to have the inside track on the #2 seed entering the playoffs. In next weeks blog we will discuss the concept of the Ultimate Pig. In the mean time here is a little diddy from Tmac

3/21/2008: Inspiration 101:

Where did we leave things…ahh last January…the Pigs were in Dead Last at 1-4. Captain Mac had just sent out a nasty gram to the league regarding the officials. Things looked pretty bad. On January 10th, Papi had yet another Don Cherry motivational moment in the locker room. Can’t remember what he said however the results over the past few months have been fantastic:

 1/10/08: Win, Pigs (5) Mavericks (3)
 1/20/08: Tie, Pigs (6) PBR (6)
 1/24/08: Tie, Pigs (3) Ghost Tigers (3)
 1/31/08: Win, Pigs (5) Prairie Dogs (4)
 2/7/08: Win, Pigs (5) Chuds (1)
 2/18/08: Win, Pigs (8) Mavericks (3)
 2/21/08: Tie, Pigs (2) Chuds (2)
 2/28/08: Loss, Pigs (4) Prairie Dogs (5)
 3/6/08: Win, Pigs (5) PBR (4)
 3/13/08: Win, Pigs (6) Ghost Tigers (1) Dino’s fight clip
 3/20/08: Win, Pigs (3) Mavericks (1)

That’s 7-1-3 for those who have trouble with tallys. The marks include one of the most fantastic come back wins in Pig History (trailing 4-0 after the 1st period the Pigs rallied to win it 5-4). The Pigs now sit in what looks to be 2nd place at 8-5-3 with a couple games to go before the playoffs.

Pigs win 5-4!

The infamous Puck Pigs beat the Prairie Dogs 5-4 to jump to a 3-4-2 record.

Most impressive is the fact that the Swine won the game with out two of their more famous stalwarts TMac and Papi.

The MacDonald Brothers were forced into alternative engagements but were still able to send the following message to their Pig teammates. Please pay special attention to TMac's half ass attempt at Meat Puppet with burnt back bacon and the fact that he hates kids who use calculators at the Foley electrician classes!

Tmac & Papi

Click for message

Way to go swine. Special props go out to the Swine subs who scored 4 out of the 5 goals.

Pigs Captain Steps Up...Is It Enough?

In the aftermath of the latest Pig loss the League handed out suspensions to a few players. It was clear after the game that a head butt from an opposing Maverick would draw some league attention however surprisingly the spoken word carriers equal punitive weight when it comes to Oakland managment. Here is the hero's letter writen by the Pigs own Mac:

Just to clarify. A verbal abuse receives the same punishment as a physical abuse? In fact a verbal abuse receives the same punishment as an egregious act of violence? Just want my team to know that if they cuss out a referee or head butt someone in the face with their cage they only need to worry about missing one game. Am I assuming too much that at two hand slash to the ankle, cross check to the neck or spear to the nuts will also just be a one game suspension??

You guys are wacked. Get a hold of your league and send the right message.

Perplexed and pissed off,
Mac

The Pig rank and file respond with the following policy as pitched by player favorite Lemon:

1) If you have a beef with an officials call immediately inform Mac. SAY NOTHING! Just skate ever so gingerly over to the box and let Mac handle it.
2) If you feel the need to strike something try counting to 10 first and then DO NOTHING! Let Mac handle it.
3) If you feel you are being treated unjustly by the officials SAY NOTHING! Let Mac handle it.

Suggested penalty to infracting SWINE should be BEER to the TEAM for each infraction. If you want to persist you should then be assigned MEAT.

Strong work boys.

12/27/2007: Same Old Song and Dance

List of Same Ole's:

>Pigs loose again falling to 1-4
>Longshore Beer assignments?
>Longshore stat update?
>Kid still leading the team in scoring with a measly 5 pts.

Might be time for Silver B boyz...

Kid Continues to Lead 1-3 Pigs in Scoring

The final score was something like 6-2. Poor everything really. "Thanks for taking that monkey off my back Lemon" summed up the night when Herrick called out to the Lem after an ill fated "Lemon Drop" in the 2nd period. Not that this blunder had any impact as the Pigs were lethargic and lacked any creativity with or without the puck and just kinda stunk. The night did however have few a flashes of brilliance: TMFG going coast to coast like butter and toast, Fraser strapping the pads on, and Pipes bringing some tastie beer. Other than that is was business as usual...Longshore screwing up the beer bitch list, stat sheet not updated, subs not bringing beer (RPM), Herrick losing the room key, and the Kid still a top the heap in Pig scoring for the 2007-8 season.

Call To Action: All Active Pigs

Lots of changes in the offseason Piggies:

-Sharks management takes over the Oakland Ice Centre
-Dennis Longshore assumes “responsibility” for both Stats and Beer
-USA Hockey rules trump the former Oakland house rules
-Vasectomies ravage a once viral and potent Center core

While all these things can’t be considered bad what should awaken even the groggiest of Pigs is the fact that coming off a Summer Champion Series loss to the vVault team the Pigs are sporting an impotent 1-2 record. That’s not the worst of it...worst yet is the Kid leads all Pigs in scoring with 3 goals and 2 assists. Get your act together boys…this is unacceptable. Get your affairs in order and let’s get er’ done!

Elves Rule! Pigs to Regroup Thursday.

Well with only a handful of Swine available for last Thursdays contest this Thursday should bring new hope to the Bacon faithful. Rumor has it that feisty Centerman Longshore had a bad case of the "sprained Labias" Word on the street is that he got his shot of Penicillin and is all better. Hopefully he will get on the ball and start assigning duties as he said he would.....not that easy is it. Kid knows all to well how hard it is to run a spread sheet. Thanks for taking it on all those years. Dennis you are now the MAN! On to Pig hockey. You know how there are just some things you have to see to believe well we have one of those moments. I have it on good authority that Rob pulled the Ultimate "Anal Bleacher" commonly referred to as a "Lemon Drop". Anyway as Papi always says "never up the middle unless you are 200% sure you can get it there". Turns out Rob was only 100% sure and that was the straw that broke the camels back. Pipes did what he could to save Rob from utter humiliation but that was not to be. Thanks Rob for joining the Lem's team, we always have room for more. It is said that someone overheard one of the refs talking and that he said "I've never refed a game before but I did stay at a Holiday Inn" This is neither confirmed nor denied by Ian but our legal team is looking into it. As for the rest of you knuckleheads who missed last game make sure you bring your A game so we can get back on top.....Lem is also guilty of absenteism so I will bring at least 220lbs. if I can swindle a trade at work. Be safe boys.

Click

Merry Christmas Pigs!

This is merely one Congregation's opinion.

Pigs plan to take their best shot!

Click for Victory!

Vvault too much for the Pigs in Game 1 of the finals:

Pigs did everything wrong to lose game 1 of the Summery 2007 finals against the #1 seed vVault squad Sunday night to the tune of 3-0. Don Cherry should be available Thursday night for game 2. Let's get er done.

In other news Greenspan has surfaced. He has taken on the case of the girl seated in the chair. Seems the hooded muslim TSA agent (that to me is unbelievable) probed her illegally just moments after she finished up searching the nun. Let's all give Greenie our support.

TMFG struggles with moral dilemma! Oh ya and Pigs Win 3-1.

Swine took to the ice last night defeating the Bastardized version of The Black Ice 3-1. The Puck Pigs capitalized on the new skates of the kid (not to be confused with “The Kid”) as TMac scored 2 goals including a short hander. Pigs found themselves down 1-0 on a fag play by Dino’s kids coach. The lanky, but friendly and all round nice guy who is cool to Tyler and hangs out at Dublin, Blackhounds player whiffed on his shot cutting across the net and watched in amazement as the puck dribbled through |Pipes| legs.

Panic did not set in as the Pigs realized that they could still play good hockey without the lead. Bearing down the team deployed their latest stealth strategy of offensive attack whilst shorthanded, as TMac intercepted an errant pass and undressed the Hound Goalie for a game tying shorty.

After the usual heckling and name calling, reminding the opposite team how much it sucks to let in short handed goals, the Pigs returned to form and proceeded to grind down the opposing team with constant soft dumps and aggressive fore checking.

It’s the kind of hard nosed play that brings out the best in our core group of tunnel rat players. Long time Swine scrapper Denny, returning from back surgery, fired puck to net and watched as the biscuit squirted between the goalies leg pad and post for a 2-1 lead.

With time winding down TMac slammed home one more insurance goal and the Pigs held on to defeat the Black Hounds and move on to their second consecutive OIC Silver A Championship.

No longer considered the underdogs, the Puck Pigs will need to bring their best game against the shifty vVault. Late game hooking penalties, Anal bleachers, and long shifts may very well result in the Pigs eating crow. Stay tuned to the Hog Blog for more in depth coverage of this summer’s playoffs.

Bacon Bits: I ask you this question? Flick it in or run away? That was the moral dilemma facing our very own Tall Mother Fucking Gary last night. Agreeing to frequent one of Pistol Pete’s local bars for a brew and some fried grub, a handful of Pigs gathered to recap the game, the team and the revitalized Canadian dollar.

Having tipped a couple, TMFG headed for the head to relieve him-self or perhaps check for calamari crumbs on his cashmere sweater. Finding the Men’s one holer occupied he opted for using the vacant women’s bathroom instead.

To use TG’s words, “I closed and bolted the door and flicked on the lights. To my horror, perched on the rim of the toilet seat was a walnut sized poop.”

Not my problem say he and so doing what all of us would do TG attempted the “splash and dash” pissing as fast as he could while leaving the seat down for the next lady do deal with.

Unfortunately as fate would have it, Gary’s biggest fear would come true. A rattle of the handle followed by a knock at the door and TG knew he was trapped. Whoever was on the other side of that wall would ultimately assume that our very own TMFG was the owner of the unavoidable small-brown-ball.

Clean it up or leave it alone. None of us can really say what we would do if we were in the same predicament so it is not up for us to judge. Needless to say the innocent HAW that was next in line for relief that night will forever remember the day that a 6’4”, moderately handsome man sporting a Nordstrom wardrobe, decided to leave a shat ball Easter egg on the seat of the women’s toilet.

Get it on net with Zip!


Be it wrist shot or slapper. Let the stick do the work.

Pigs Route Blue in the 1st round...

In a very spirited battle the Pigs went on to take the first step in honoring their proud championship legacy. Greenspan's words could be heard from the 405 in Santa Monica "2-1-2". "Nobody leaves the Flash alone." This line of thinking helped and inspired long time Pigs Herrick and the Kid. Being as Papi never met Greenie he took the Kids word on it and shut the Flip down in the circle. Papi could be heard telling Herrick "all you need to do is take the heel of your stick in the circle and come down on the top of his boot.....that really hurts let me tell ya." Herrick in his constant willingness to improve his game took the advice under advisement.

Nice Router

Aside from Captain Mac taking "Router" player of the game honors, the real story of the night though had to come from none other than T Mac. I think his skate box was seen outside of the rink in the parking lot. Those are some nifty skates. Not only did he net 2 hat tricks but he let Dino know he is ready to take their relationship to the next level. All Pigs were lucky enough to hear T Macs throws of love at Dino "I really like your stick." Awwww! Dino was not fast to reciprocate but he was concerned enough to ask T how his neck was after getting tomahawked in the 3rd.

The D played strong for the first 2 periods.....Ok maybe the last 1:15 of the 2nd is where the wheels came off. Lemon got the ball rolling for the Blues with his nifty one timer to the Flash who buried it far side on Pipes. Lemon picked his dick up off the ice and decided to give the Blues a real chance when he whiffed on a backhand pass that would have left him all alone with the Blues goalie....oh yeah that was the goal that tied it up. Not to be outdone Tall MF Gary decided enough was enough and thought that there was a rule change and figured 6 otta do it....nice try. The one true highlight on D was Mangler lining up the Flash and reminding him this is how the Pigs roll. Pistol Pete played strong on the blueline and let Lem know it's OK to pull an Anal Bleacher from time to time but not in the playoffs.


The Pigs with the help of our Northerly Brethren took the team to the next level. After a 3-3 score the boys went to work and netted 4 goals in about 4 minutes. Papi could be seen lining up the dumkoff after getting the go ahead lamp lighter. That was a fine fist pump I must say. Don't forget though that he scored it with a 2 man advantage to the Blue. Well my friends it is off to the next hurdle and that will be to get Lemon some real lumber....Sherwood baby. Lem was seen at Station 9 in Pacheco throwing bombs or should I say bebe's with his old Aluminum trying to get ready for the Black Dogs. See you all Thursday and be safe out there. Remember wider is better. I'ahua Naula.

-Lem

Go Pigs!

Click on |Pipes| pads for some playoff inspiration!

Ohh Glory Days!


Walk Down Memory Lane.

July 22, 2007: Canadians for Common Sense

While the Pigs are all snug in their beds preparing for the 1st Sunday Morning league match ever the Kid is bringing you breaking news from Canada. Sorry Pipes...its all about ice.