Pigs Open the 2009 Summer Pre-Season; Kid Hangs with Milan.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
Monday, February 09, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
January 13, 2009: Pigs Punish the Praire Dogs 7-3
When Mac wanted to “get the lines straight” I have to admit I gave him the ole eyeball roll. I was waiting for him to introduce the power play and penalty kill lines as well however he’s smarter than that. One thing is for sure that our Captain had a great game last night skating with the #1 line of Box & Tmac. The trio combined to pot all 7 goals and all of them were “purrty.” It wasn’t all sunshine for the golden boys however as they got burned on several occasions by the boyz in blue pants. Checking line RW and Director of Player Recruitment and Contracts Jack Mangler mused “quit sucking each others dicks out there and pick up the guy in the middle.” Should have said it louder as I still don’t think they got Papi’s memo…Golden Boyz…lol. The aging #2 line of Obus (1998 Hart Trophy), Kid, and Lemon ( Lady Byng 1996, 1998, 2000 - 2007) did their job by club housing a neutral +/- for the night. The Checking line of Mangler, Herrick, and CCC Firefighter of the year KROSE lost sight of the boyz in blue pants with :03 left on the clock to knock them down to a -1 on the night. “Krose was spent after the warm-up” line mate Herrick complained of his fellow firefighter briefly after the 1st shift of the game. Clearly he didn’t get a Wii Fit for Christmas. No need to mention the defense or goaltending as they know what they did and it was awesome.
Player Updates:
• Tall Gary Still Unemployed yet playing great Defense. His golden parachute will be exhausted in 2013 so please plan on contributing to his “buy Piedmont” plan. Whatever you can give.
• David Greenspan sighted in the jungles of Puru: That’s right….our own David Greenspan spent Christmas in Puru.
• RPM builds the best kitchens…really…look no further than Lemon’s house. He sharpens skates on the side as well. He recommends the 5/16 cut during the winter months…
• Pipes (injured reserve – Knee) should be back on the ice next Tuesday and hoping to keep his seat as the #1 goaltender
• Miller (C.H.U.D.S) has been added to Dickipedia
When Mac wanted to “get the lines straight” I have to admit I gave him the ole eyeball roll. I was waiting for him to introduce the power play and penalty kill lines as well however he’s smarter than that. One thing is for sure that our Captain had a great game last night skating with the #1 line of Box & Tmac. The trio combined to pot all 7 goals and all of them were “purrty.” It wasn’t all sunshine for the golden boys however as they got burned on several occasions by the boyz in blue pants. Checking line RW and Director of Player Recruitment and Contracts Jack Mangler mused “quit sucking each others dicks out there and pick up the guy in the middle.” Should have said it louder as I still don’t think they got Papi’s memo…Golden Boyz…lol. The aging #2 line of Obus (1998 Hart Trophy), Kid, and Lemon ( Lady Byng 1996, 1998, 2000 - 2007) did their job by club housing a neutral +/- for the night. The Checking line of Mangler, Herrick, and CCC Firefighter of the year KROSE lost sight of the boyz in blue pants with :03 left on the clock to knock them down to a -1 on the night. “Krose was spent after the warm-up” line mate Herrick complained of his fellow firefighter briefly after the 1st shift of the game. Clearly he didn’t get a Wii Fit for Christmas. No need to mention the defense or goaltending as they know what they did and it was awesome.
Player Updates:
• Tall Gary Still Unemployed yet playing great Defense. His golden parachute will be exhausted in 2013 so please plan on contributing to his “buy Piedmont” plan. Whatever you can give.
• David Greenspan sighted in the jungles of Puru: That’s right….our own David Greenspan spent Christmas in Puru.
• RPM builds the best kitchens…really…look no further than Lemon’s house. He sharpens skates on the side as well. He recommends the 5/16 cut during the winter months…
• Pipes (injured reserve – Knee) should be back on the ice next Tuesday and hoping to keep his seat as the #1 goaltender
• Miller (C.H.U.D.S) has been added to Dickipedia
Monday, January 12, 2009
Message From Former Captain and Pig Legend David Greenspan:
Say Barak Obama 10 times really really fast
Say Barak Obama 10 times really really fast
Pigs Ring in 2009 in 1st place
Sitting atop the heap with 20pts (10-3) the Pigs find themselves ringing in the new year locked up in a tie for 1st place with the Citadelle (8-1-4). To account for the recent surge management needs to look no further than the solid contributions from the 3rd line. "Forget guys like Tmac, Box, Mac, TMFG, etc...those guys grew up in Canada or in Canadian controlled northern US states...its the local crew that's putting together some quality shifts that seem to be making all the difference" team dietician and defensemen Peter Grace commented after their January 6th win over the C.H.U.D.S. Look no further than the Kid’s jaw dropping Short Handed break away tally last week or his 7 pts in the last 3 games and take stock of what is really going on (note: the Kid hasn’t scored a breakaway since 2002). “It all starts in the middle and ends with short shifts” part time plumber and fulltime firefighter Rob Herrick noted as the Center rotation of Mangler, Herrick, and Kid dominated play for 45 minutes all without winning a single faceoff. Newly converted Right Wing Chris Leimpeter said “as long as I don’t get paired up with Tmac it’s all good” and followed it up with his patented “We not Me” style of play. Only the crafty veteran Papi could sum things up so succinctly to the Chud captain who limped off the ice nursing his twig and berries with a simple “Chin up Miller…everyone makes the playoffs.” So true.
Sitting atop the heap with 20pts (10-3) the Pigs find themselves ringing in the new year locked up in a tie for 1st place with the Citadelle (8-1-4). To account for the recent surge management needs to look no further than the solid contributions from the 3rd line. "Forget guys like Tmac, Box, Mac, TMFG, etc...those guys grew up in Canada or in Canadian controlled northern US states...its the local crew that's putting together some quality shifts that seem to be making all the difference" team dietician and defensemen Peter Grace commented after their January 6th win over the C.H.U.D.S. Look no further than the Kid’s jaw dropping Short Handed break away tally last week or his 7 pts in the last 3 games and take stock of what is really going on (note: the Kid hasn’t scored a breakaway since 2002). “It all starts in the middle and ends with short shifts” part time plumber and fulltime firefighter Rob Herrick noted as the Center rotation of Mangler, Herrick, and Kid dominated play for 45 minutes all without winning a single faceoff. Newly converted Right Wing Chris Leimpeter said “as long as I don’t get paired up with Tmac it’s all good” and followed it up with his patented “We not Me” style of play. Only the crafty veteran Papi could sum things up so succinctly to the Chud captain who limped off the ice nursing his twig and berries with a simple “Chin up Miller…everyone makes the playoffs.” So true.
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Papi issues a statement on the Bombay bombings and weaves in a little something for his good friend #21.
In commanding fashion the OIC Puck Pigs defeated the Blitz by a score of 10-2 on Tuesday night. The Pigs were in control the entire game despite having a lean bench.
Looking svelte and considerably faster, newest Pig Chris Linden aka the Box was able to have a break out night, potting 5 goals. His patent top-shelf wrister was in fine tune as most of his goals were scored in one of his favorite places. Top shelf where they keep the cookie jar. It looks like lately Box has been eating "just one" as his teammates are beginning to see his shape improve while his game is rounding into form as promised.
Not to be over looked, Swine star and leading scorer (yawn) TMac was also able to provide considerable scoring for the team. His commanding puck possession and nose for the net proved to be too much for the Blitz on most of his shifts. Pig's most eligible bachelor was on the "score" sheet for a hatty and a helper.
The game proved to be very entertaining for the Puck Pigs number one fan. Brother-in law, as he's is refered to in the locker room, was able to witness scoring, big |Pipes|saves and even a lesson in "play with the bull and you get the horns"!
When not wine tasting with the team he can often be found promoting the Puck Pigs at various charity events. His support and dedication to the team is second to none.
Brother in Law runs carpool
Brother in Law helps Santa deliver gifts to under privileged Oakland children
Brother in Law teaches swim lessons
Brother in Law goes wine tasting
Brother in Law witnesses mugging and calls the authorities promptly
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Pig Player Quiz
Match the correct Pig to the General Beer League Player Category in the comments section. Some may only apply to ex Pigs or simply may be a decoy. Choose wisely.
The Ringer
Some teams wait until the playoffs to unveil this option. Others go with it right from the opening face-off. Either way, without a ringer, your team is done. The challenge for managers is convincing a good player to suit up for a bad side. This can be accomplished a number of ways, including promises of goal-scoring glory and awe-inspired teammates. Most effective, however, is let him play for free. It's simple math, really. Everyone else pays an extra $50 and everyone else gets a shot at the "Silver A" Division title.
The Young Guy
At first glance, he can easily be mistaken for a ringer, since the young guy still wears the shorts and socks of his junior or college team. But it's time for the next phase of life now, and that means an office job. The young guy stays in shape for the first half of the year. Sadly, an increasingly sedentary existence and late night partying catches up to him by Christmas. 15 to 20 pounds later, he's just another player, huffing and puffing with the rest. Welcome aboard, kid.
The Old Guy
Forget the 50-and-over league; that's not for him...even though his gloves reach up to his armpits, and he still uses a wood stick. To be fair, the old guy can be an effective player, especially if he's a wily old guy -- a hook here and a chop there, because that's how they did it when professional athletes were real men. "Eddie Shore -- now there was a hockey player! Lost an ear against the Maroons. Sewed it back on himself. Never missed a shift."
The Tardy Goalie
Hey, thanks for showing up. Only five minutes gone in the first. Not like you play a crucial position or anything. Take your time, dickhead.
The Beginner
Required only for cheap laughs. On the one hand, you have to admire the Beginner. It takes a lot of courage to buy all brand new equipment, and take up hockey in your 40's. On the other hand, learn to take a pass, man. It's right on your stick, for Christ's sake. How does that knock you over? And now you're friggin offside! Not to mention the Beginner shows up at every game, no matter what time or what day. Sunday night playoff game at 11PM - no worries, Mr Beginner will be there.
The Complete Psycho
Also good for a few giggles . . . from afar. Most likely a cop or fireman. The complete psycho is capable of anything: running the goalie, challenging an entire bench, a tomahawk chop -- all in the repertoire. Do not feed the complete psycho. He doesn't want to be fed. He wants to hunt. And, look to him to carry on his act in the bar after the game.
The Naked Guy
Bane of the dressing room. Most players have the courtesy to stretch their hamstrings while sporting, at the very least, a bit of underwear. Not the naked guy. He'll carry on full conversations, and you had better maintain eye contact like your life depended on it....or come face to face with the swinging sausage.
The Guy with the New Girlfriend
An excellent way to lower everyone else's fees is to load up on a few of these. The guy with the new girlfriend will show up to three games, tops, so his payment will contribute to everyone else's and it's not like you'll lose ice time by putting him on the roster. That said, beware that the guy with the new girlfriend might very well turn into the guy with the new wife...at which point he'll never miss another game.
The Organizer
This guy is absolutely brutal but since nobody else could be bothered to do all the paperwork and collect the money he gets to play. Is frustrating to play with because they can barely skate let alone take a pass but nobody gets mad at him cuz he's a really nice guy. Is often heard in the dressing room saying 'Sorry guys, that one was my fault' and if he's lucky somebody will chip in something like 'No worries Donny, it's a team effort.' What everybody is really thinking is 'Hey Donny, my grandmother is a better player than you and yes you are right, that was your fault.' If you are lucky the Organizer is usually smart enough to take himself off the ice in critical situations.
The Minor Hockey Allstar
Looks promising at a glance as they fool you with reasonably good skills but after you get zero passes you'll get the picture. This guy topped out at 'AA' Midget and can be spotted by the huge blinders attached to his helmet. Play is characterized by energetic rushes down the wing, (no passing), then into the corner (still no pass), behind the net (hey dickhead I've been open for the past 5 minutes),then into the next corner (everybody has gone back to the bench to watch) followed by a blind give away pass to the high slot / break out pass for the other team. Cut this guy.
The Johnny Try Hard
Great to have on your team but they suck to play against because they have somehow managed to keep themselves in ridiculously good shape. They were probably the star on their high school hockey team and won athlete of the year because they played hockey, volleyball and track all in the same year. Guaranteed they have a membership at the 'Running Room'. Play is characterized by constant hustle which if caught off guard can embarrass the more talented yet fatter player.
The Stanley Cup Champion
This player will raise their hands and cheer when they score. If this is an opposing player you must nip this behavior in the bud by catching him off guard with a sickening open ice hit that causes him to blow snot bubbles. If this player is on your team quickly chastise him in front of the other team to let them know that this is not how the rest of your team rolls. Remind him how much of a loser he is by retrieving the puck from the net the next time he scores and presenting it to him in front of the other team.
The Tough Guy
This guy maxed out at the house-league level, has never been in a fight and is characterized by antagonizing behaviour on the ice. In extreme cases he will 'cheap shot' another player. The fact that your beer league does not allow fighting has given this guy a false sense of courage. What this guy does not realize is that this will not prevent someone from knocking his teeth out if he cheap shots the wrong guy. There is a number of fun ways to handle this player which all end with him lying on the ice bleeding, looking for his teeth and crying.
The Wrong Guy
Not to be confused with 'The Complete Psycho'. This guy shows up, doesn't say much and pretty much flies under the radar screen. The kid that gave him the cheap shot him will eventually look his name up on Hockey DB after his facial surgery and realize he had 355 pims in the East Cost 3 years ago..
The Gary Roberts
Can be described as being way too intense. This guy is one of your better players but is unable to adjust to the lower level of play. At the best of times he will try to coach players on the fly and at the worst of times he will snap and call his entire team a bunch of house-leaguers. He believes the game should be played a certain way and despises 'pond hockey' style play with no back checking or positional assignments. Most likely is suffering from a complex of 'unfinished business' from his previous hockey career and is looking to capture some shred of glory via the rec-league championship. This guy is probably better off playing with his own kind in a senior-A league.
Match the correct Pig to the General Beer League Player Category in the comments section. Some may only apply to ex Pigs or simply may be a decoy. Choose wisely.
The Ringer
Some teams wait until the playoffs to unveil this option. Others go with it right from the opening face-off. Either way, without a ringer, your team is done. The challenge for managers is convincing a good player to suit up for a bad side. This can be accomplished a number of ways, including promises of goal-scoring glory and awe-inspired teammates. Most effective, however, is let him play for free. It's simple math, really. Everyone else pays an extra $50 and everyone else gets a shot at the "Silver A" Division title.
The Young Guy
At first glance, he can easily be mistaken for a ringer, since the young guy still wears the shorts and socks of his junior or college team. But it's time for the next phase of life now, and that means an office job. The young guy stays in shape for the first half of the year. Sadly, an increasingly sedentary existence and late night partying catches up to him by Christmas. 15 to 20 pounds later, he's just another player, huffing and puffing with the rest. Welcome aboard, kid.
The Old Guy
Forget the 50-and-over league; that's not for him...even though his gloves reach up to his armpits, and he still uses a wood stick. To be fair, the old guy can be an effective player, especially if he's a wily old guy -- a hook here and a chop there, because that's how they did it when professional athletes were real men. "Eddie Shore -- now there was a hockey player! Lost an ear against the Maroons. Sewed it back on himself. Never missed a shift."
The Tardy Goalie
Hey, thanks for showing up. Only five minutes gone in the first. Not like you play a crucial position or anything. Take your time, dickhead.
The Beginner
Required only for cheap laughs. On the one hand, you have to admire the Beginner. It takes a lot of courage to buy all brand new equipment, and take up hockey in your 40's. On the other hand, learn to take a pass, man. It's right on your stick, for Christ's sake. How does that knock you over? And now you're friggin offside! Not to mention the Beginner shows up at every game, no matter what time or what day. Sunday night playoff game at 11PM - no worries, Mr Beginner will be there.
The Complete Psycho
Also good for a few giggles . . . from afar. Most likely a cop or fireman. The complete psycho is capable of anything: running the goalie, challenging an entire bench, a tomahawk chop -- all in the repertoire. Do not feed the complete psycho. He doesn't want to be fed. He wants to hunt. And, look to him to carry on his act in the bar after the game.
The Naked Guy
Bane of the dressing room. Most players have the courtesy to stretch their hamstrings while sporting, at the very least, a bit of underwear. Not the naked guy. He'll carry on full conversations, and you had better maintain eye contact like your life depended on it....or come face to face with the swinging sausage.
The Guy with the New Girlfriend
An excellent way to lower everyone else's fees is to load up on a few of these. The guy with the new girlfriend will show up to three games, tops, so his payment will contribute to everyone else's and it's not like you'll lose ice time by putting him on the roster. That said, beware that the guy with the new girlfriend might very well turn into the guy with the new wife...at which point he'll never miss another game.
The Organizer
This guy is absolutely brutal but since nobody else could be bothered to do all the paperwork and collect the money he gets to play. Is frustrating to play with because they can barely skate let alone take a pass but nobody gets mad at him cuz he's a really nice guy. Is often heard in the dressing room saying 'Sorry guys, that one was my fault' and if he's lucky somebody will chip in something like 'No worries Donny, it's a team effort.' What everybody is really thinking is 'Hey Donny, my grandmother is a better player than you and yes you are right, that was your fault.' If you are lucky the Organizer is usually smart enough to take himself off the ice in critical situations.
The Minor Hockey Allstar
Looks promising at a glance as they fool you with reasonably good skills but after you get zero passes you'll get the picture. This guy topped out at 'AA' Midget and can be spotted by the huge blinders attached to his helmet. Play is characterized by energetic rushes down the wing, (no passing), then into the corner (still no pass), behind the net (hey dickhead I've been open for the past 5 minutes),then into the next corner (everybody has gone back to the bench to watch) followed by a blind give away pass to the high slot / break out pass for the other team. Cut this guy.
The Johnny Try Hard
Great to have on your team but they suck to play against because they have somehow managed to keep themselves in ridiculously good shape. They were probably the star on their high school hockey team and won athlete of the year because they played hockey, volleyball and track all in the same year. Guaranteed they have a membership at the 'Running Room'. Play is characterized by constant hustle which if caught off guard can embarrass the more talented yet fatter player.
The Stanley Cup Champion
This player will raise their hands and cheer when they score. If this is an opposing player you must nip this behavior in the bud by catching him off guard with a sickening open ice hit that causes him to blow snot bubbles. If this player is on your team quickly chastise him in front of the other team to let them know that this is not how the rest of your team rolls. Remind him how much of a loser he is by retrieving the puck from the net the next time he scores and presenting it to him in front of the other team.
The Tough Guy
This guy maxed out at the house-league level, has never been in a fight and is characterized by antagonizing behaviour on the ice. In extreme cases he will 'cheap shot' another player. The fact that your beer league does not allow fighting has given this guy a false sense of courage. What this guy does not realize is that this will not prevent someone from knocking his teeth out if he cheap shots the wrong guy. There is a number of fun ways to handle this player which all end with him lying on the ice bleeding, looking for his teeth and crying.
The Wrong Guy
Not to be confused with 'The Complete Psycho'. This guy shows up, doesn't say much and pretty much flies under the radar screen. The kid that gave him the cheap shot him will eventually look his name up on Hockey DB after his facial surgery and realize he had 355 pims in the East Cost 3 years ago..
The Gary Roberts
Can be described as being way too intense. This guy is one of your better players but is unable to adjust to the lower level of play. At the best of times he will try to coach players on the fly and at the worst of times he will snap and call his entire team a bunch of house-leaguers. He believes the game should be played a certain way and despises 'pond hockey' style play with no back checking or positional assignments. Most likely is suffering from a complex of 'unfinished business' from his previous hockey career and is looking to capture some shred of glory via the rec-league championship. This guy is probably better off playing with his own kind in a senior-A league.
Monday, August 25, 2008
8/25/2008: 0:00
Three is a magic number. Three zero’s, three goals, and an ill timed five on three all proved too much for the Pigs in the semi final playoff game against the C.H.U.D.S. Minus T-mac (see Jack Johnson) the Pigs jumped out to a 3-2 lead thanks to Pig legend Obus who willed a goal and two assists. With time running out in the 3rd and the Pigs on a five on three advantage disaster struck. As Papi tells the story Pete missed him by a mile (several meters) finding none other than #88 playing the top of the three man defensive triangle. 88 was off and ultimately hauled down by Pistole Pete himself to the tune of a penalty shot. Pipes got a piece of it however with 3 minutes to play the game was tied 3-3 and ultimately went to OT. With the clock reading 0:00 in the OT frame the puck found its way into the Pig net. After a brief conference with the scorekeeper the goal was allowed and the Pigs sent packing after a heart breaking 4-3 loss.
The game marked the last of Dennis Longshore’s 13 year career as a Pig. Dennis has decided to retire citing rising fuel and glass expenses. The Wisconsin native will be remembered for his long shifts and late emails. We’ll miss you buddy! Good luck in San Jose. Lemon is slated to take his coveted #2 line Center position after more than a decade patrolling the blue line.
Three is a magic number. Three zero’s, three goals, and an ill timed five on three all proved too much for the Pigs in the semi final playoff game against the C.H.U.D.S. Minus T-mac (see Jack Johnson) the Pigs jumped out to a 3-2 lead thanks to Pig legend Obus who willed a goal and two assists. With time running out in the 3rd and the Pigs on a five on three advantage disaster struck. As Papi tells the story Pete missed him by a mile (several meters) finding none other than #88 playing the top of the three man defensive triangle. 88 was off and ultimately hauled down by Pistole Pete himself to the tune of a penalty shot. Pipes got a piece of it however with 3 minutes to play the game was tied 3-3 and ultimately went to OT. With the clock reading 0:00 in the OT frame the puck found its way into the Pig net. After a brief conference with the scorekeeper the goal was allowed and the Pigs sent packing after a heart breaking 4-3 loss.
The game marked the last of Dennis Longshore’s 13 year career as a Pig. Dennis has decided to retire citing rising fuel and glass expenses. The Wisconsin native will be remembered for his long shifts and late emails. We’ll miss you buddy! Good luck in San Jose. Lemon is slated to take his coveted #2 line Center position after more than a decade patrolling the blue line.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
8/12/08: Pipes continues to Drink the special Indian water
Pigs win it 5-0. Pipes baby.
Here's a little song for ya... "make me fries."
Playoffs start on Tuesday.
Pigs win it 5-0. Pipes baby.
Here's a little song for ya... "make me fries."
Playoffs start on Tuesday.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
8/6/2008: Pipes v John Muir
Pipes lead the Pigs to a much needed ‘dubbya’ last night by posting a shutout against the Prairie Dogs. “That was some good water Kid...thanks for the bottle” Pipes was overheard after stopping 40 shots on the night. What Pipes didn’t know was that he was drinking Hetch Hetchy water…that’s right…none of that East Bay MUD crap he was sippin on last week when 7 pucks found their way through his pads. The water he had last night was the secret ingredient we’ve been looking for down the stretch. Back to the game…without regulars Papi, Tmac, Dino, Lemon, etc the Pigs and a small compliment of geriatric Blazers were able to burry a couple goals and hold off the Dogs including a full two minutes of 5-3 hockey (thanks to Mac’s little tantrum). The return of Mo from a nasty case of bursitis saw him score the 1st goal early in the 1st period in what would ultimately be a 2-0 game. “I saw this really old fat guy streaking down the ice…I couldn’t tell if it was Mo, Dave, Dave, Evan, or Obus” recalled Mac as he set up the game winning tally. Tall Gary didn't have any "helpers" however he did have a good game. Thanks Gary!
Pipes lead the Pigs to a much needed ‘dubbya’ last night by posting a shutout against the Prairie Dogs. “That was some good water Kid...thanks for the bottle” Pipes was overheard after stopping 40 shots on the night. What Pipes didn’t know was that he was drinking Hetch Hetchy water…that’s right…none of that East Bay MUD crap he was sippin on last week when 7 pucks found their way through his pads. The water he had last night was the secret ingredient we’ve been looking for down the stretch. Back to the game…without regulars Papi, Tmac, Dino, Lemon, etc the Pigs and a small compliment of geriatric Blazers were able to burry a couple goals and hold off the Dogs including a full two minutes of 5-3 hockey (thanks to Mac’s little tantrum). The return of Mo from a nasty case of bursitis saw him score the 1st goal early in the 1st period in what would ultimately be a 2-0 game. “I saw this really old fat guy streaking down the ice…I couldn’t tell if it was Mo, Dave, Dave, Evan, or Obus” recalled Mac as he set up the game winning tally. Tall Gary didn't have any "helpers" however he did have a good game. Thanks Gary!
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