Kid Continues to Lead 1-3 Pigs in Scoring

The final score was something like 6-2. Poor everything really. "Thanks for taking that monkey off my back Lemon" summed up the night when Herrick called out to the Lem after an ill fated "Lemon Drop" in the 2nd period. Not that this blunder had any impact as the Pigs were lethargic and lacked any creativity with or without the puck and just kinda stunk. The night did however have few a flashes of brilliance: TMFG going coast to coast like butter and toast, Fraser strapping the pads on, and Pipes bringing some tastie beer. Other than that is was business as usual...Longshore screwing up the beer bitch list, stat sheet not updated, subs not bringing beer (RPM), Herrick losing the room key, and the Kid still a top the heap in Pig scoring for the 2007-8 season.

Call To Action: All Active Pigs

Lots of changes in the offseason Piggies:

-Sharks management takes over the Oakland Ice Centre
-Dennis Longshore assumes “responsibility” for both Stats and Beer
-USA Hockey rules trump the former Oakland house rules
-Vasectomies ravage a once viral and potent Center core

While all these things can’t be considered bad what should awaken even the groggiest of Pigs is the fact that coming off a Summer Champion Series loss to the vVault team the Pigs are sporting an impotent 1-2 record. That’s not the worst of it...worst yet is the Kid leads all Pigs in scoring with 3 goals and 2 assists. Get your act together boys…this is unacceptable. Get your affairs in order and let’s get er’ done!

Elves Rule! Pigs to Regroup Thursday.

Well with only a handful of Swine available for last Thursdays contest this Thursday should bring new hope to the Bacon faithful. Rumor has it that feisty Centerman Longshore had a bad case of the "sprained Labias" Word on the street is that he got his shot of Penicillin and is all better. Hopefully he will get on the ball and start assigning duties as he said he would.....not that easy is it. Kid knows all to well how hard it is to run a spread sheet. Thanks for taking it on all those years. Dennis you are now the MAN! On to Pig hockey. You know how there are just some things you have to see to believe well we have one of those moments. I have it on good authority that Rob pulled the Ultimate "Anal Bleacher" commonly referred to as a "Lemon Drop". Anyway as Papi always says "never up the middle unless you are 200% sure you can get it there". Turns out Rob was only 100% sure and that was the straw that broke the camels back. Pipes did what he could to save Rob from utter humiliation but that was not to be. Thanks Rob for joining the Lem's team, we always have room for more. It is said that someone overheard one of the refs talking and that he said "I've never refed a game before but I did stay at a Holiday Inn" This is neither confirmed nor denied by Ian but our legal team is looking into it. As for the rest of you knuckleheads who missed last game make sure you bring your A game so we can get back on top.....Lem is also guilty of absenteism so I will bring at least 220lbs. if I can swindle a trade at work. Be safe boys.

Click

Merry Christmas Pigs!

This is merely one Congregation's opinion.

Pigs plan to take their best shot!

Click for Victory!

Vvault too much for the Pigs in Game 1 of the finals:

Pigs did everything wrong to lose game 1 of the Summery 2007 finals against the #1 seed vVault squad Sunday night to the tune of 3-0. Don Cherry should be available Thursday night for game 2. Let's get er done.

In other news Greenspan has surfaced. He has taken on the case of the girl seated in the chair. Seems the hooded muslim TSA agent (that to me is unbelievable) probed her illegally just moments after she finished up searching the nun. Let's all give Greenie our support.

TMFG struggles with moral dilemma! Oh ya and Pigs Win 3-1.

Swine took to the ice last night defeating the Bastardized version of The Black Ice 3-1. The Puck Pigs capitalized on the new skates of the kid (not to be confused with “The Kid”) as TMac scored 2 goals including a short hander. Pigs found themselves down 1-0 on a fag play by Dino’s kids coach. The lanky, but friendly and all round nice guy who is cool to Tyler and hangs out at Dublin, Blackhounds player whiffed on his shot cutting across the net and watched in amazement as the puck dribbled through |Pipes| legs.

Panic did not set in as the Pigs realized that they could still play good hockey without the lead. Bearing down the team deployed their latest stealth strategy of offensive attack whilst shorthanded, as TMac intercepted an errant pass and undressed the Hound Goalie for a game tying shorty.

After the usual heckling and name calling, reminding the opposite team how much it sucks to let in short handed goals, the Pigs returned to form and proceeded to grind down the opposing team with constant soft dumps and aggressive fore checking.

It’s the kind of hard nosed play that brings out the best in our core group of tunnel rat players. Long time Swine scrapper Denny, returning from back surgery, fired puck to net and watched as the biscuit squirted between the goalies leg pad and post for a 2-1 lead.

With time winding down TMac slammed home one more insurance goal and the Pigs held on to defeat the Black Hounds and move on to their second consecutive OIC Silver A Championship.

No longer considered the underdogs, the Puck Pigs will need to bring their best game against the shifty vVault. Late game hooking penalties, Anal bleachers, and long shifts may very well result in the Pigs eating crow. Stay tuned to the Hog Blog for more in depth coverage of this summer’s playoffs.

Bacon Bits: I ask you this question? Flick it in or run away? That was the moral dilemma facing our very own Tall Mother Fucking Gary last night. Agreeing to frequent one of Pistol Pete’s local bars for a brew and some fried grub, a handful of Pigs gathered to recap the game, the team and the revitalized Canadian dollar.

Having tipped a couple, TMFG headed for the head to relieve him-self or perhaps check for calamari crumbs on his cashmere sweater. Finding the Men’s one holer occupied he opted for using the vacant women’s bathroom instead.

To use TG’s words, “I closed and bolted the door and flicked on the lights. To my horror, perched on the rim of the toilet seat was a walnut sized poop.”

Not my problem say he and so doing what all of us would do TG attempted the “splash and dash” pissing as fast as he could while leaving the seat down for the next lady do deal with.

Unfortunately as fate would have it, Gary’s biggest fear would come true. A rattle of the handle followed by a knock at the door and TG knew he was trapped. Whoever was on the other side of that wall would ultimately assume that our very own TMFG was the owner of the unavoidable small-brown-ball.

Clean it up or leave it alone. None of us can really say what we would do if we were in the same predicament so it is not up for us to judge. Needless to say the innocent HAW that was next in line for relief that night will forever remember the day that a 6’4”, moderately handsome man sporting a Nordstrom wardrobe, decided to leave a shat ball Easter egg on the seat of the women’s toilet.

Get it on net with Zip!


Be it wrist shot or slapper. Let the stick do the work.

Pigs Route Blue in the 1st round...

In a very spirited battle the Pigs went on to take the first step in honoring their proud championship legacy. Greenspan's words could be heard from the 405 in Santa Monica "2-1-2". "Nobody leaves the Flash alone." This line of thinking helped and inspired long time Pigs Herrick and the Kid. Being as Papi never met Greenie he took the Kids word on it and shut the Flip down in the circle. Papi could be heard telling Herrick "all you need to do is take the heel of your stick in the circle and come down on the top of his boot.....that really hurts let me tell ya." Herrick in his constant willingness to improve his game took the advice under advisement.

Nice Router

Aside from Captain Mac taking "Router" player of the game honors, the real story of the night though had to come from none other than T Mac. I think his skate box was seen outside of the rink in the parking lot. Those are some nifty skates. Not only did he net 2 hat tricks but he let Dino know he is ready to take their relationship to the next level. All Pigs were lucky enough to hear T Macs throws of love at Dino "I really like your stick." Awwww! Dino was not fast to reciprocate but he was concerned enough to ask T how his neck was after getting tomahawked in the 3rd.

The D played strong for the first 2 periods.....Ok maybe the last 1:15 of the 2nd is where the wheels came off. Lemon got the ball rolling for the Blues with his nifty one timer to the Flash who buried it far side on Pipes. Lemon picked his dick up off the ice and decided to give the Blues a real chance when he whiffed on a backhand pass that would have left him all alone with the Blues goalie....oh yeah that was the goal that tied it up. Not to be outdone Tall MF Gary decided enough was enough and thought that there was a rule change and figured 6 otta do it....nice try. The one true highlight on D was Mangler lining up the Flash and reminding him this is how the Pigs roll. Pistol Pete played strong on the blueline and let Lem know it's OK to pull an Anal Bleacher from time to time but not in the playoffs.


The Pigs with the help of our Northerly Brethren took the team to the next level. After a 3-3 score the boys went to work and netted 4 goals in about 4 minutes. Papi could be seen lining up the dumkoff after getting the go ahead lamp lighter. That was a fine fist pump I must say. Don't forget though that he scored it with a 2 man advantage to the Blue. Well my friends it is off to the next hurdle and that will be to get Lemon some real lumber....Sherwood baby. Lem was seen at Station 9 in Pacheco throwing bombs or should I say bebe's with his old Aluminum trying to get ready for the Black Dogs. See you all Thursday and be safe out there. Remember wider is better. I'ahua Naula.

-Lem

Go Pigs!

Click on |Pipes| pads for some playoff inspiration!

Ohh Glory Days!


Walk Down Memory Lane.

July 22, 2007: Canadians for Common Sense

While the Pigs are all snug in their beds preparing for the 1st Sunday Morning league match ever the Kid is bringing you breaking news from Canada. Sorry Pipes...its all about ice.

June 29, 2007: Robbie Grace signs 45 year contract with the Oakland Pigs

Congrats to Peter and family.

July 8, 2007: Pig Pool Party

Pigs Celebrated their 2007 Championship in style. Thank you Dino and Darcy for hosting the festivities. Click HERE for pics.

June 28, 2007: Pigs v Praire Dogs...

All it took was a few goals from Dino and a couple of helpers from Papi to send the lucky few Praire Dogs back into their holes. The rest we ate to the tune of 4-2.



Look at these little bastards roasting.


Papi resting on his Laurals



Tyler mulling over a few new words he learned in the penatly box

The LEM keeps on giving...click here for more Tripple T! "You can't cut the cheese where ever you please."

June 21, 2007: Pigs go OBUS against the PBR

The Pigs get back on track by using a secret weapon against the PBR squad. Yes Tmac had the usual natural hattie but the Pig unleased their Eurpean white whale: OBUS against these beer drinking sally's. Final Score: Pigs 6 PBR 1.




Tripple T is back for another episode here THE LEM ROCKS

June 14, 2007: Pigs Fall to vVault 6-4

I can't really remember the details here outside of the final score and 21 minor penalties. I think Tmac showed up drunk and still pulled off a hat trick. Not all is lost as I invite you to feast your eyes on this gem link courtesy of the Lem.

FOR IMMEDIATE
RELEASE
5/20/2007
Top Anti-USA
Terrorist
Captured

---

May 31, 2007: Webster taunts Pig Legend; “Hollow” you say?

Well it all started with a schedule snafu where three teams suited up and gathered on the ice for an 8:45 game. Captain Mac went right to work trying to figure it out with the other captains. Each referencing a schedule showing it was their team slotted at 8:45. While there were no Mexicans on the ice it was a Mexican stand off. Finally the assistant hockey director lumbered out with laptop in hand to settle the dispute. Here’s the dialog:

The scene: a hockey rink yet off ice next to the boards by the drinking fountains, a group of players and other Oakland Ice officials huddled over a PC looking at a hockey schedule.

The Characters: all playing themselves, Mac, Lemon, and various Pigs, assistant hockey director, and an unidentified goalie

Assistant Hockey Director: sorry guys…it looks like the Pigs don’t play until 10:15

Mac: huh…the last schedule I have says we play at 8:45

Assistant Hockey Director: nope…I sent a revised revised schedule out on Friday…that is the one we are looking at now

Mac: umm I never received one. This is BUSH. No one updated me with these “particulars”

Assistant Hockey Director: uhhhh sorry

Lemon (coming emotionally unglued upon the realization that he would not be playing hockey tonight due to him having to be at work at 11:00pm): This is fucked up. I pay $450 dollars a season for this shit. Fuck you. Can’t you get a schedule right? This is the 3rd one and we are already into the 4th game of an already short season.

Assistant Hockey Director: sorry

Lemon (still in the Assistant Hockey Director’s face): total bullshit…yada yada yada

Unidentified goalie (in full goalie regalia, about 5’6” and very young talking to Lemon): easy bro…it’s not his fault

Lemon: what is your problem kid?

Unidentified goalie: you wanna go?

Lemon: huh?

Unidentified goalie: I’ll drop you right here bitch

Lemon (chuckling now): right…how bout you call me when your nuts drop.

Unidentified goalie: I’m 19 fucker

Lemon: whatever Webster….

That was that and the Pigs headed to the locker room to kill an hour and a half by telling tales of Pig seasons past (all the Tall Gary injury stories, Pete’s “particularly” funny pistol story, 1998 Championship, 2003 Championship, German Bier recipies from Pipes, Deaf Ron, Gordie, and theories as to why goalie Rich was such an ass) over a couple of beers (three in Longshore’s case). The Pigs then played the Blue to a tired tune of 5-1 behind some gritty front line play from Papi and a couple of Danny New Boy goals. After the game the tired Pigs when topside to welcome in Friday morning with some Caspar dogs courtousy of Fireman Rob. During this time it became clear to Papi that there is too much mystery around skate sharpening.

Papi’s Corner: Everyone knows a blade has two edges, an inside and an outside. Between these two edges is what the skating community calls a “hollow.” A skate with a deep hollow has very pronounced and aggressive edges (great for sharp turns, not so great for speed) whereas a skate with a shallow hollow produce faster speeds however don’t grip the ice as well given their bite angle is not as direct. Ice hockey players need to find the right balance between deep and shallow. The most common hockey blade hollow sharpening choices one might ask for at local hockey shop are (measured in ROH or Radius of Hollow):

Shallow: Less Bite (more speed and glide)
½”
7/16”
3/8”
5/16”
¼”
Deeper: More Bite (aggressive edges and ice grab)

Kid’s Recommendation:

Most of the Pigs should stay on the shallower end of the pool. A few exceptions:

Tall Gary: his sheer size may demand a deeper cut
Tmac: should experiment with deep cuts due to his superior skills
Pete: see Tall Gary
Papi: see TG and Tmac
Lemon: go 3/8…you like to put the breaks on as well as go coast to coast
KRose: see Tall Gary
Pipes: good luck

May 23, 2007: Old Dog…New Tricks…the Return of “Greenspanning.”

The Pigs fell into an old pattern of sloppy passing, ill advised shots, and an inability to clear the puck from our own zone as the BlackHounds were able to erase an early 3-0 Pig lead by the end of the 2nd period. A key Papi reminder to stick to the Championship plan before the start of the 3rd period catapulted the Pigs to a 5-3 victory behind a few 3rd period goals (t-Mac, Kid) and solid defense from the blue line squad. The Greenspanning (not the guy but the act) started well before the shower as Tall Gary in his uber exec way says “hey kid…you get my two helpers.” Now Tall Gary before the "accident" sure...two helpers no problem but since his couragous return not so automatic. Turns out the guy had a legit two helpers…who’d a thunk? Nice work TG!

Team note: Fan Mail has started to poor in and it looks like the fan favorite for 2007 is….the KID. I’d like to thank all my fans and in particular Kate McClure for the fantastic drawing. Its likeness is uncanny. I would like to go on the record that my eye lashes are much longer and luscious than depicted. Also you gave me Lemon’s ears. Not funny. New Pants on the way!

May 17, 2007: Blue Velvet

“F*&^ that shit” was really the tone for the night as the Pigs put the wood to the usually horrendous Pabst Blue Ribbon squad. With a final score of 8-3 it was pretty much all MAC…regular Mac and T-mac doing most of the damage on the scoreboard and Denny Longshore mixing it up on the ice and in the penalty box. Blue Velvet night was also appreciated by the 1st fan of the season Meghan Rose. Thanks for coming out and you get your choice of a severed human ear or a tank of Frank approved “nitrous.” (see the movie if you want to know what I’m talking about).



Team note1: The Kid proclaims his own sloth and gluttony has caused his weight (most notably the gunt) to balloon to a whopping 192 pounds. Countermeasures are in place.

Team note2: Lonshore misplaced his keys and had to call home to his wife to come pick him up...at 12AM. Nice work Denny!

May 9, 2007: Summer 2007 Season is Here!

In what looked to be a repeat of the Winter Championship game the Pigs faced off against the vVault to open up the 2007 Summer season. Down 2-0 going into the 3rd period the ever expanding Kevin Rose scored the 1st Pig goal of the season. “I’ve been eating, sleeping, and doing other challenging things that firemen do every day…well every other day and not on my four day breaks…we basically work 10 days a month. It’s hard sometimes,” K-Rose told reporters after the game in reference to why his belly is larger than the Kid’s. With 41 seconds left in the game and trailing 2-1, Pig Papi tallied the game tying goal in a game where he had a shot at a Gordie Howe hat trick. Not tonight. Deep in the Pig zone and with about 18 seconds left on the clock Herrick lines up for the face off. While looking back to see if Jeff is set the Ref drops the puck and the vVaulter one timed a shot that breezed by goalie Jeff who was fixing a pad and not ready for the play to start. The final horn sounds and the Pigs lose 3-2. “I really blew that one” the ref said after the game…”I wasn’t paying attention.” Them’s the breaks boys.

Team note1: Tall Gary broke his f-bom silence by rocking the hockey world with not 1…not 2…not 3…but 4 f-Boms on the ice. Potty mouth.

May 1, 2007: Immigration out of Control

Here is a blast from the 1990s as the Pig’s own Mac McClure becomes a card carrying member of the US of A. I should note that Mac “lost” his wallet at this event (there is no evidence that the Mexican fella behind him was the culprit and racial profiling is illegal). Mac swears there were no Al Queda sleeper members in the room however when traveling abroad he still tells folks he’s Canadian.

Pig Notes 5/2/2007

>2007 Summer Season to start the week of 5/7
>Ex Pig Phifer "54", in full Red Wing regalia was heckled at the Tank Monday night as the Sharks took a 2-1 lead in the series against the Red Wings.
>Fast Eddy Sighting at the Tank

>JAWS v Mangler

4/27/07 The Celebration Continues....

A message from Pipes (click here bitches).


Tall MF Gary and One eyed Pete



Dino & Mac enjoy a Tecate!


Lemon stowes his gear


Kid & Tmac rocking the house


A ginormous Thank you goes to the hottest Asian wife on the squad for the tri tip sandwiches. You are a Pig for life (I use the term Pig affectionately of course). Mangler...what is your wife doing with the remote control? Who's your daddy?

4/10/2007: 2007 Silver A Championship (Game 2), Year of the Pig

Like the knights of old, Pigs are often highly regarded for their chivalry and pureness of heart, and will often sacrifice their own well-being for the greater good (Mac…how is the couch treating you?). Yup, 2007, Year of the Pig . So it is written and so it shall be as the Pigs took to the ice one last time in pursuit of the coveted Oakland Silver A Cup. With symbols of glory’s past (look past the hairy man breast) and the anticipation of future glory the team suited up for Game 2.

Tired from the long and lonely drive from Santa Barbara earlier in the day team Captain Mac did his best to pump the team up, “Smoke your cigars, drink your Patrone, but bring you’re ‘A’ game…we haven’t won shit yet.” Game 1 hero and Superstar Goal Tender Pipes had this to say: “I’m in their head boys…play like this is your last game on earth.” And so we did.

Tmac drew blood only a minute into the first frame. One pig on the bench noticed the 21 year old phenmom wink in the direction of a Blonde spectator politely cheering in the stands. Ahhh. The love however was short lived as an unidentified Pig Nation member (looked a lot like Lemon’s littler brother?) swooped in and the two were not seen thereafter. Two more Pig goals were tallied as the Pigs exited the 1st period up 3-0. “Keep the pressure up…the longer we keep them from scoring the more they’ll over think and give up good shots for bad passes” Pipes piped in after rejecting 9 1st period shots. The Pigs kept grinding in the 2nd extending their lead to 4-0 all the while letting Pipes play out of his mind as he stopped another 8 shots. The Pigs struck again at the 1:00 minute mark to open up a 5-0 lead. Things got worse for the vVault squad when Denny Longshore used an old
Jedi mind trick on a cocky defenseman forcing him to score on his own net pumping the Pig lead to 6. The force turned on us a little when the word "shutout" escaped center Rob Herrick’s mouth from the bench halfway through the 3rd. Seconds later, as if Pipes had been tied Milhouse style to the goal posts and rendered powerless to make a save, vVault scored their 1st and only goal of the series. Denny Longshore, a true believer in the saying “you are only as good as your last goal” wanted to end things on a high note as he tallied a goal off a sweet one timer feed from Mac and the Pigs closed out the game with a 7-1 shellacking of the once feared vVault to win their 3rd Silver A Championship in 10 years.



Let the CELEBRATION (click it...save it...play it with media player) begin. Fantastic season boys. Awards and season recap to come.



2007 Silver A Champions


Team Celebration



Kid sandwiched by a couple of MVPs


Dino and Mac


Tmac pours the Patrone



Kid mixes with the Mangler & Dangler


Unidentified Pig skriting off to Nashville

4/3/2007: 2007 Silver A Championship (Game 1)

Things happen for a reason. The Pigs, having appeared in 2 prior Championship series (1999, 2003) and eventually winning both, make their 1st Finals in 4 years and against the #1 seed vVault squad. Losing the 2 prior meetings against the #1 seed vVault (18-1-1) the Pigs (15-4-1) came in with a familiar game plan of “chip and flow” yet now fueled by 3 hungry offensive lines, two solid defensive lines and anchored by Germany bound goaltender Pipes. The fuel for these lines came from Papi’s gametime speech entitled “Short Shifts Sink Enemy Ships." While not quite Churchill's "Battle of Britton" the time (vs action) based message really struck a chord with Wisconsin born Centerman Denny Longshore. “You mean I don’t have to handle the puck, check an opponent, and get a penalty before limping back to the bench?” a relieved Longshore replied. The Pigs took this plan and a 1-0 lead into the 3rd period with the lone goal coming in on a 5 hole “what the f&^%$” dribbler from Rosie. "I knew fresh legs would make a difference" sneered Mac from the bench in reference to his decision to keep Rosie off the ice during Sunday's OT win against the Edge. The Pigs short shift philosophy paid dividends early in the 3rd as they continued to chase down pucks and hurry vVault puck carriers. Tmac made it a 2-0 game with a beauty early in the 3rd and the Kid tapped one home a moment later to extend the lead to 3-0. Rosie, with those fresh legs, closed it out with the final goal and Pipes recorded his 2nd shutout of the playoff run stopping all 25 shots faced earning him top Pig honors. The defense played outstanding with the Lemon/Mangler and TG/RPM pairing chipping pucks out with calculated brilliance. Seems every game a new hero emerges. The post game Pig Nation celebration was clearly one of the best in recent memory. Pulled Pork sandwiches were the main course as prepared by Dino’s lovely wife. While pork may seem cannibalistic anything goes as 2007 is the year of the Pig. Yes things do happen for a reason. Game 2 slated for 4/10/2007.

Game 2 concerns:

1) Mac has reported that he will not be in attendance and will be on vacation with the family thru 4/11. The team will launch a shock and awe campaign to ensure they are not without their captain as the Pigs skate to glory on 4/10. Really Mac the couch is not a bad place to sleep.

2) Pipes will be in Germany for Game 3 (if necessary)…putting even more pressure on Mac.

4/1/2007: Edged; Vegas

The Pigs playoff journey continued Sunday night vs the Edge. Confidence was not all that high after watching Tall Gary and Gracie drag their asses into the locker room hot on the heels of a Vegas weekend. After three periods, 14 penalties, and 63 shots on net the score was tied 3-3. The Pigs would however have to start the 5:00 OT with the Mangler serving time in the box for an ill advised penalty at the regulation buzzer. "What a Jackass!" With time running out most Pigs were gearing up for the dreaded “shootout” in which we are 0-3 lifetime. With the clock showing 10 seconds left the Pigs find themselves deep in the Edge zone. Six seconds left Tmac fondles the puck in the corner…4 seconds left he passes to Dino skirting along the far post. 3 seconds left Dino flirts with the puck…massaging it slowly back and forth with his stick…tempting the clock as it ticks down to 2…1….he shoots….he scores! Buzzer sounds and the Pigs advance to the Championship with a 4-3 OT win. “I couldn’t see the puck” the one eyed Dino said after the game…”I felt it and hoped for a happy ending.” “That was just like Tall Gary’s shot against the Skateful Dead back in the 2003 quarterfinals where Obus feathered a pass to Tall MF Gary who buried a shot with about :11 seconds remaining in regulation ultimately catapulting the Pigs to the Cup,” recalled an unidentified Pig Nation fan after the game. Interestingly enough here is how one amateur sports writer saw and wrote up the game highlights:

>|Pipes| leg save on the breakaway.
>RPM's center ice steal, turn and gun for a top shelf wrister goal.
>Dennis's opening tally to get the ball rolling.
>Robb & Rosie fore checking & mucking
>Mangler's nasty snarl.
>The Vegas twins holding down their lunch and keeping the Edge offence at bay.
>TMac distracting 3-4 guys on the ice so the rest of the pigs could get open.
>Kid thinking about his Blog.
>Lemon with the Dangle
>Papi with the stiff shoulder in front of the net.
>(Mac) trying to find a lane and organize an impromptu power play.

I'm sure there is somebody I have forgotten to mention but if that's the case that person obviously didn’t do anything special last night.

What a douche this writer is. Dino I got your back brutha! The Pigs will face the #1 seed vVault in the 2007 Silver A Championship series (best 2 out of 3) starting Tuesday April 3rd. vVault won both regular season matchups vs the Pigs. Go Pigs!

Note: Rosie did not get a shift in the OT period. Mangement gambled deciding to keep him on the bench saving his legs for the vVault series. We'll see if this strategy pans out.

3/30/2007: Age & Treachery overcome Youth & Skill in Round 2; The Cyclopes Commeth

The 2nd round of the 2007 Silver A Oakland Hockey Playoffs continued as the Pigs faced off against the Whalers. Scoreless after the 1st period both teams settled back into their natural flow patterns. The Whalers being a relatively young squad had a clear speed and possibly a slight skill advantage. Unfortunately the youthful Whalers also amassed a whopping 12 minor penalties for the following infractions: Roughing (8) and Unsportsmanlike (4). The more mature and cerebral Pigs were not without sin as they tried to slow the Whalers down with the following 8 minors: Tripping (4), Holding (2), and Interference (2). In the end the wise Pig fueled by Pipes, Herrick, & TMac (our Youth & Skill player) were able to put this thing away 5-0 (recorded score was 5-1 however we know the truth). Dino (of 80s mullet fame (see 10-13-2006 post), almost a game time scratch due to an off ice stick injury, enters the game with limited vision in one eye (pictured below looking half transgender/half ex-Pig “Deaf Ron”). With his 3rd period goal to give the Pigs a 4-0 lead a great story of Pig heroics begins. Enter the Cyclopes…semi final game scheduled for April 1 vs Edge.

3/25/07 Playoff Hockey is Here; Pigs partner with Canadian Youth.

Finishing the regular season with an impressive 15-4-1 record the Pigs ventured into the playoff pool ranked #2 pitting us against the #9 Bulldogs. After a 15 minute delay waiting for Oakland PD to arrive to escort a few players from the Ice (our long time fat f#@! friend #75 was ineligible to play yet refused to leave the ice) the game started. The Kid opened up the 2007 Pig Playoff season with a goal while adding another later in the 1st period as the Pigs cruised to a 12-1 victory. “The way Mac’s fantasy hockey team was playing I had to do something on the ice to build his spirits” recalled the Kid in reference to Mac’s line up call partnering Kid with point powerhouse Tmac. Round two scheduled for 3/29.

In other news Tall Gary was on hand not only to rack up 3 assists in front of the home crowd he was able to kick off his latest business venture. Gary has partnered with a Canadian Youth organization committing every aluminum beer can consumed during or after a Pigs game be properly recycled with all the proceeds flowing north. Pictured below with a youth recycling the very first two cans. Congrats guys!

3/22/07 Recipe for Championship Hockey (Papi Style)

1) Line Changes: 45 - 60 second shifts, Shoot in - get off (Change as a unit)
2) 2 way hockey: Win all races for the puck, Play hard on the puck, 1 forward high two deep, Forwards come back into "D" zone to support, Outlet pass from "D" No floating in the neutral zone
3) Puck Movement: Crisp flat passes ( no chip shots ), Make sure puck gets thru ( not in their pads), Chip & flow (use angles off boards) this, keeps our guy moving
4) Passing: 200% rule, Not up the gut (middle of ice), Use soft dumps, Support puck carrier by making your stick available for pass
5) Protecting the lead: Trapping, one forechecker, Pick off errant passes, No pinching
6) Goalie: Puck support behind the net, Aggressive puckhandling on Power Play.

Go Pigs!

And now a message from Herrick, Denny & Kid to all our wingmen out there. Live the Dream boys!

Mahalo from the Lem. "Go Pigs"

GLOBAL WARNING (Warming): Hockey Heralded As Enemy Of The Earth??

Mangler...we will not stand for this as it threatens our way of life. Simply put...the average white, heterosexual male has had it with this crap. Talk to your people before we hurt them.

March 6, 2007: Pigs Lock up the #2 seed & Pop Cherry explains the Dangle

Tuesday’s game against the Mavericks proved that with the right inspiration anything can happen. It all started with a surprise locker-room visit from one of the all time greats…Pop Cherry. The patented finger point and a few words about “dangling” was all it took for the Pigs to avenge their week 9 loss (4-1) to the Mavericks. It only took the Kid 18 seconds to light the lamp in the 1st period off a Papi/Mac rebound in front of the net. No dangling yet a 1-0 lead. Seconds later the turtle “waives” a Papi goal claiming Mac was in the crease. Pigs extended their lead to 2-0 midway through the second off a t-mac PP goal. Pipes made the play of the game stopping a 2-0 while the Pigs were enjoying a 2 man advantage to keep the two goal advantage. A late 2nd period breakdown cost the Pigs a goal and made it a 2-1 game entering the 3rd. With spring league baseball in full swing t-mac warmed up with a mid air netter to seal the deal at 3-1. Game note: Pig all star defensemen Gracie with a tear, stepped forward and accepted the “unsung hero” award for the 2006-2007 season. Gracie listing last in PPG with a miniscule .27 does so many things on the ice that don’t show on the stat sheet. “I’m just hopping to get mentioned in the blog this week,” Gracie said upon accepting this award. Prior year winners include the “shadow” Greenspan and Big T. Neither was reachable for comment.



Inside the numbers: Pipe Dreams

Goaltender and reality based super smart guy “Pipes” is having quite a season. Posting a career best 14-3-1 record the goaltender is arguably playing in the “out of skull” mode reminiscent of the 2003 Pig Championship season. At the 10,000 foot level there is some concern that this record is artificially supported due to the great offensive numbers the team is posting. Let’s dive a little deeper. The Pigs are scoring 5.11 goals per game. Pipes is giving up an even 3.00 with a save percentage just south of .900. Championships are won with goaltending and if Pipes wants to live the dream he will need to step it up a notch. Or does he? Over the last three games Pipes is on Championship pace with a 1.67 GAA and .940 save percentage. Coach Cherry targets a sub 2 GAA and at least a .935 save percentage to have any chance of bringing home the cup. Pipes…dreams do come true.

March 6, 2007: Nanny’s Gone Wild, F*&^% Haole!

Trailing 1-0 to the Bulldogs at the close of the 1st horn, goal scoring titan T-mac kicked things off scoring his 8th hat trick of the year giving the Pigs a 3-1 lead going into the final frame. “Where did you guys find that guy” reserve Pig and Reno resident Greg shouted (that's Greg in the Pig mask below sipping an ice cold Coors Light). He stopped shouting soon there after as he was the recipient of a intent to injure Major penalty that was the catalyst for three more Pig goals in the 3rd. Things got a little chippy down the stretch with Papi and Longshore getting the short end of a few hits. “Denny’s got to be patient” Papi told the team after the game…he goes after those guys right away…experience tells me I’ve got two or three seasons to line up the perfect hit.” Pigs went on to win this one 6-2…then the discussion turned towards Tall Gary.



Tall Gary? “Never heard of him” said Herrick after learning the forty something veteran Pig player originally committed to the game but cancelled last minute due to a nanny shortage (Tall Gary’s nanny was deported due to a visa violation). “It’s guys like Tall Gary that always make the argument for increased immigration to keep the labor supply heavy,” snorted Dino via satellite. “The middle class gets screwed...I mean I can’t afford to pay an undocumented guy $80 a month to mow my lawn let alone pay $7.25 an hour for an illegal nanny…my wife does it all.” Blue chip defenseman and Engineer Lemon offered up some additional immigration by the numbers tips and reminded everyone not to hate the immigrant but the policies and politicians that continue to allow it at rates that exceed our ability to absorb. Jeff is running the numbers now to see if Lemons calculations hold up. KRose concluded (and Gracie should take note) the discussion by letting everyone know that Oakland may be a safer place to drive than his former stopping grounds on the Islands.

March 2, 2007 Pig Spotlight: The forgotten Mac

It was only last year when former Canadian and Team Captain Kent McClure was the only "Mac" on the squad. Dating back to as early as reliable stats were kept (1998) Mac has been atop the heap (except for 1998 when the Blucher Boys owned the team):

1998: 3rd in pts (24), behind Blucher brother line mates Kid (26), and Obus (30) CHAMPIONSHIP
1999: 1st in pts (29) edging out fellow SLO boys Rosie (28) and Dino (25)
2000: No reliable records as Goalie Rich decided counting money was more important than accurate record keeping
2001: 1st in pts (30) dominating all Pigs with “54” (18), Kid (15) in tow
2002: 1st in pts (31) again with “54” (27) and Kid (16) trailing. CHAMPIONSHIP
2003: 1st in pts (22) followed by Dino (20) and Longshore (19)
2004: 1st in pts (38) lagged by Dino (26) and Gracie (18)
2005: 1st in pts (27) again trailed by Dino (18) and Minnesota Scott (15)

Things started to change in 2006 when the Pig front office signed a pair of talented "Mac’s" (Papi Mac and T-Mac) to the squad. The parallels to 1998 are too strong to dismiss.

2006: (thru game 17) 3rd in pts (20) behind McDonald father Papi (29) and son T-mac (44).

Might be too soon to tell if the this 2006 squad is ready to win it all however one thing is for sure…we have not forgotten who the original “Mac” is and where our bread is buttered. Your lovely wife and kids had this to say "We love you Mac...no matter what you are #1 in our book." The team feels the same way!

February 27, 2007: Pigs Pound Hounds; Stocks Fall on Beer Supply Warnings

The porky Pigs pickled the visiting Black Hounds to the tune of 6-2 in front of Herrick’s street clad comrade (double click the pic below and look past the Pig for the dude in the "Sox" hat). “He’z dope” was all 1st star of the game RW T-mac could muster when handed the microphone. T-mac posted his league leading 7th hat trick of the season all the while making friends with buxom British blondes in between games (see T-mac’s cell phone for details). Pipes receiving the Pig mask and 2nd star honors had this to say “Miller Light sucks” (more on this later). 3rd star accolades go to former tunnel rat line anchor, Dino, for bringing ice cold “Stella Artois” and the sweetest one-timer of the night. The win puts the Pigs tenuously in 2nd place sporting a robust 12-4-1 record and tied for the league lead in goals scored (84). While the Pig performance on the ice certainly is peaking the off ice peripherals need work. Case (or lack there of) in point are the 6 Miller Lights & 3 Coors lights brought by Fire Friendly KRose. Are you kidding me? Even worse was ex 80s porn star and this week’s beer bitch Longshore not showing up with his share of the highly coveted brews. And you thought “blue balls” was the worst thing imaginable in your teen years. Ha. Beer was on such short supply that the team had to sponsor an offsite brewery session to ensure there were enough libations for the Nation. At this session word has it Mangler was called every name known to man for missing his second straight game.


Game Highlights:
>Best back handed shot: Lemon’s dribbler that somehow find its way to T-macs stick.
>Best line change(s): Kid/Gracie setting up Lemon/Papi with a few sweet offensive zone “on the flys”
>Best goal: Dino (see above)
>Best Beer: Dino (see above)
>Best Hit: Kid vs Herrick (sorry buddy)
>Best crease clear: Rosey (that guy should complete a rape kit and submit to Oakland PD)
>Best defensive move: Lemon’s 2:1 stick check late in the 3rd
>Best defensive offensive move(s): whatever Papi does
>Best offensive defensive move: Herrick coving the point while Papi does this thing
>Worst line change: Gracie says Lemon hung him out to dry once. Lemon says he had an equip issue.
>Worst Goal: is there ever a bad goal (well yes…just ask Mangler and Herrick)
>Worst Beer: MG light (KRose)

Al-Quaida Pizza and a Hat Trick +2

Since the Kid is away on family vacation I will post. Many of you were sorely missed....Not Really! The Pigs were about to face their biggest challenge of the season vs. the formidlble might of the Valut. The Vault just coming of a tie to the last place PBR had something to prove. The Pigs on the other hand coming off an W vs. the Edge knew this was going to be a nailbiter and they didn't disappoint. RPM was called up from the Over 40 Blazers to fill a big gap on D....Nice work. He had just gotten in a contract dispute with the managing partners of the Blazers and might be a late trade edition for summer on the Pigs....Negotiations are underway. Now to the action. T Mac.....for those who were there need I say more. T lit the lamp not once, not twice but 5 times a lady my friends. Yes he saw that the D was going to struggle with a no show from Mangler and yes Frazer....Did you say Frazer? Yes I did. His status is still unknown. Last word was there was some type of squirrel incident. Anyway T knew he wasn't going to get much help from the Turtle so he took things into his own hands. He led a flurry of 5 goals tallied in the final frame. Excellent work Head Manning the Puck. Pipes as usual played out of his skull. Lem let him down a time or 2 and so did PG. Pipes showcased some Hasek skills with a double paddle save that eventually found the back of the net with the Lem saying..MY BAD! Remember it is never to late to get back. Peter made it pretty clear he was beaten by Vault star #38 when after being beaten like he has never been before turns to look and Lem and give him a OOOPPS! Had to be there. All in all a nice effort. Rosey and Longshore continued to fluster the D and Herrick...well lets just say the best end to end man since Rocket Richard. Mac finally got the monkey off his back with a huge goal to pull the Pigs within 2 on a great chip and flow feed from Lem to T Mac who handed Mac the back of the net on a platter. Dino coming off back to back hatties had a plane to catch but made damn sure he got his fill of ice. He and Mac had there pattented give and go but unfortunately less go then give when it came to goals.....Hey you weren't there so no monday morning quarterbacking. The 9 that showed up played hard and played well. Now if we can carry that spirit over and remember it is never over till it is over we will hoist the pocket calculator once more. See you all soon. Oh yeah and RPM is off the beer hook Dino with the purchase or Pizza....2 for $20 (my jaw is still recovering).

2/15/2007 Papi’s Corner

Subject: Head Manning the puck.

the

This tactic is very common when players in full flight are moving down ice with a teammate following with the puck. Head manning the puck will allow the attacking players to receive the puck in full flight, therefore putting additional pressure on the opposing team. The tactic requires the puck carrier to look up ice, find a passing lane and deliver the puck to his teammates stick. When this tactic is not carried out correctly the teammate will run out of ice, slow down or stop, therefore taking him out of the play. Crisp, flat passes are recommended.