Thursday, December 04, 2008
In commanding fashion the OIC Puck Pigs defeated the Blitz by a score of 10-2 on Tuesday night. The Pigs were in control the entire game despite having a lean bench.
Looking svelte and considerably faster, newest Pig Chris Linden aka the Box was able to have a break out night, potting 5 goals. His patent top-shelf wrister was in fine tune as most of his goals were scored in one of his favorite places. Top shelf where they keep the cookie jar. It looks like lately Box has been eating "just one" as his teammates are beginning to see his shape improve while his game is rounding into form as promised.
Not to be over looked, Swine star and leading scorer (yawn) TMac was also able to provide considerable scoring for the team. His commanding puck possession and nose for the net proved to be too much for the Blitz on most of his shifts. Pig's most eligible bachelor was on the "score" sheet for a hatty and a helper.
The game proved to be very entertaining for the Puck Pigs number one fan. Brother-in law, as he's is refered to in the locker room, was able to witness scoring, big |Pipes|saves and even a lesson in "play with the bull and you get the horns"!
When not wine tasting with the team he can often be found promoting the Puck Pigs at various charity events. His support and dedication to the team is second to none.
Brother in Law runs carpool
Brother in Law helps Santa deliver gifts to under privileged Oakland children
Brother in Law teaches swim lessons
Brother in Law goes wine tasting
Brother in Law witnesses mugging and calls the authorities promptly
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Pig Player Quiz
Match the correct Pig to the General Beer League Player Category in the comments section. Some may only apply to ex Pigs or simply may be a decoy. Choose wisely.
The Ringer
Some teams wait until the playoffs to unveil this option. Others go with it right from the opening face-off. Either way, without a ringer, your team is done. The challenge for managers is convincing a good player to suit up for a bad side. This can be accomplished a number of ways, including promises of goal-scoring glory and awe-inspired teammates. Most effective, however, is let him play for free. It's simple math, really. Everyone else pays an extra $50 and everyone else gets a shot at the "Silver A" Division title.
The Young Guy
At first glance, he can easily be mistaken for a ringer, since the young guy still wears the shorts and socks of his junior or college team. But it's time for the next phase of life now, and that means an office job. The young guy stays in shape for the first half of the year. Sadly, an increasingly sedentary existence and late night partying catches up to him by Christmas. 15 to 20 pounds later, he's just another player, huffing and puffing with the rest. Welcome aboard, kid.
The Old Guy
Forget the 50-and-over league; that's not for him...even though his gloves reach up to his armpits, and he still uses a wood stick. To be fair, the old guy can be an effective player, especially if he's a wily old guy -- a hook here and a chop there, because that's how they did it when professional athletes were real men. "Eddie Shore -- now there was a hockey player! Lost an ear against the Maroons. Sewed it back on himself. Never missed a shift."
The Tardy Goalie
Hey, thanks for showing up. Only five minutes gone in the first. Not like you play a crucial position or anything. Take your time, dickhead.
The Beginner
Required only for cheap laughs. On the one hand, you have to admire the Beginner. It takes a lot of courage to buy all brand new equipment, and take up hockey in your 40's. On the other hand, learn to take a pass, man. It's right on your stick, for Christ's sake. How does that knock you over? And now you're friggin offside! Not to mention the Beginner shows up at every game, no matter what time or what day. Sunday night playoff game at 11PM - no worries, Mr Beginner will be there.
The Complete Psycho
Also good for a few giggles . . . from afar. Most likely a cop or fireman. The complete psycho is capable of anything: running the goalie, challenging an entire bench, a tomahawk chop -- all in the repertoire. Do not feed the complete psycho. He doesn't want to be fed. He wants to hunt. And, look to him to carry on his act in the bar after the game.
The Naked Guy
Bane of the dressing room. Most players have the courtesy to stretch their hamstrings while sporting, at the very least, a bit of underwear. Not the naked guy. He'll carry on full conversations, and you had better maintain eye contact like your life depended on it....or come face to face with the swinging sausage.
The Guy with the New Girlfriend
An excellent way to lower everyone else's fees is to load up on a few of these. The guy with the new girlfriend will show up to three games, tops, so his payment will contribute to everyone else's and it's not like you'll lose ice time by putting him on the roster. That said, beware that the guy with the new girlfriend might very well turn into the guy with the new wife...at which point he'll never miss another game.
The Organizer
This guy is absolutely brutal but since nobody else could be bothered to do all the paperwork and collect the money he gets to play. Is frustrating to play with because they can barely skate let alone take a pass but nobody gets mad at him cuz he's a really nice guy. Is often heard in the dressing room saying 'Sorry guys, that one was my fault' and if he's lucky somebody will chip in something like 'No worries Donny, it's a team effort.' What everybody is really thinking is 'Hey Donny, my grandmother is a better player than you and yes you are right, that was your fault.' If you are lucky the Organizer is usually smart enough to take himself off the ice in critical situations.
The Minor Hockey Allstar
Looks promising at a glance as they fool you with reasonably good skills but after you get zero passes you'll get the picture. This guy topped out at 'AA' Midget and can be spotted by the huge blinders attached to his helmet. Play is characterized by energetic rushes down the wing, (no passing), then into the corner (still no pass), behind the net (hey dickhead I've been open for the past 5 minutes),then into the next corner (everybody has gone back to the bench to watch) followed by a blind give away pass to the high slot / break out pass for the other team. Cut this guy.
The Johnny Try Hard
Great to have on your team but they suck to play against because they have somehow managed to keep themselves in ridiculously good shape. They were probably the star on their high school hockey team and won athlete of the year because they played hockey, volleyball and track all in the same year. Guaranteed they have a membership at the 'Running Room'. Play is characterized by constant hustle which if caught off guard can embarrass the more talented yet fatter player.
The Stanley Cup Champion
This player will raise their hands and cheer when they score. If this is an opposing player you must nip this behavior in the bud by catching him off guard with a sickening open ice hit that causes him to blow snot bubbles. If this player is on your team quickly chastise him in front of the other team to let them know that this is not how the rest of your team rolls. Remind him how much of a loser he is by retrieving the puck from the net the next time he scores and presenting it to him in front of the other team.
The Tough Guy
This guy maxed out at the house-league level, has never been in a fight and is characterized by antagonizing behaviour on the ice. In extreme cases he will 'cheap shot' another player. The fact that your beer league does not allow fighting has given this guy a false sense of courage. What this guy does not realize is that this will not prevent someone from knocking his teeth out if he cheap shots the wrong guy. There is a number of fun ways to handle this player which all end with him lying on the ice bleeding, looking for his teeth and crying.
The Wrong Guy
Not to be confused with 'The Complete Psycho'. This guy shows up, doesn't say much and pretty much flies under the radar screen. The kid that gave him the cheap shot him will eventually look his name up on Hockey DB after his facial surgery and realize he had 355 pims in the East Cost 3 years ago..
The Gary Roberts
Can be described as being way too intense. This guy is one of your better players but is unable to adjust to the lower level of play. At the best of times he will try to coach players on the fly and at the worst of times he will snap and call his entire team a bunch of house-leaguers. He believes the game should be played a certain way and despises 'pond hockey' style play with no back checking or positional assignments. Most likely is suffering from a complex of 'unfinished business' from his previous hockey career and is looking to capture some shred of glory via the rec-league championship. This guy is probably better off playing with his own kind in a senior-A league.
Match the correct Pig to the General Beer League Player Category in the comments section. Some may only apply to ex Pigs or simply may be a decoy. Choose wisely.
The Ringer
Some teams wait until the playoffs to unveil this option. Others go with it right from the opening face-off. Either way, without a ringer, your team is done. The challenge for managers is convincing a good player to suit up for a bad side. This can be accomplished a number of ways, including promises of goal-scoring glory and awe-inspired teammates. Most effective, however, is let him play for free. It's simple math, really. Everyone else pays an extra $50 and everyone else gets a shot at the "Silver A" Division title.
The Young Guy
At first glance, he can easily be mistaken for a ringer, since the young guy still wears the shorts and socks of his junior or college team. But it's time for the next phase of life now, and that means an office job. The young guy stays in shape for the first half of the year. Sadly, an increasingly sedentary existence and late night partying catches up to him by Christmas. 15 to 20 pounds later, he's just another player, huffing and puffing with the rest. Welcome aboard, kid.
The Old Guy
Forget the 50-and-over league; that's not for him...even though his gloves reach up to his armpits, and he still uses a wood stick. To be fair, the old guy can be an effective player, especially if he's a wily old guy -- a hook here and a chop there, because that's how they did it when professional athletes were real men. "Eddie Shore -- now there was a hockey player! Lost an ear against the Maroons. Sewed it back on himself. Never missed a shift."
The Tardy Goalie
Hey, thanks for showing up. Only five minutes gone in the first. Not like you play a crucial position or anything. Take your time, dickhead.
The Beginner
Required only for cheap laughs. On the one hand, you have to admire the Beginner. It takes a lot of courage to buy all brand new equipment, and take up hockey in your 40's. On the other hand, learn to take a pass, man. It's right on your stick, for Christ's sake. How does that knock you over? And now you're friggin offside! Not to mention the Beginner shows up at every game, no matter what time or what day. Sunday night playoff game at 11PM - no worries, Mr Beginner will be there.
The Complete Psycho
Also good for a few giggles . . . from afar. Most likely a cop or fireman. The complete psycho is capable of anything: running the goalie, challenging an entire bench, a tomahawk chop -- all in the repertoire. Do not feed the complete psycho. He doesn't want to be fed. He wants to hunt. And, look to him to carry on his act in the bar after the game.
The Naked Guy
Bane of the dressing room. Most players have the courtesy to stretch their hamstrings while sporting, at the very least, a bit of underwear. Not the naked guy. He'll carry on full conversations, and you had better maintain eye contact like your life depended on it....or come face to face with the swinging sausage.
The Guy with the New Girlfriend
An excellent way to lower everyone else's fees is to load up on a few of these. The guy with the new girlfriend will show up to three games, tops, so his payment will contribute to everyone else's and it's not like you'll lose ice time by putting him on the roster. That said, beware that the guy with the new girlfriend might very well turn into the guy with the new wife...at which point he'll never miss another game.
The Organizer
This guy is absolutely brutal but since nobody else could be bothered to do all the paperwork and collect the money he gets to play. Is frustrating to play with because they can barely skate let alone take a pass but nobody gets mad at him cuz he's a really nice guy. Is often heard in the dressing room saying 'Sorry guys, that one was my fault' and if he's lucky somebody will chip in something like 'No worries Donny, it's a team effort.' What everybody is really thinking is 'Hey Donny, my grandmother is a better player than you and yes you are right, that was your fault.' If you are lucky the Organizer is usually smart enough to take himself off the ice in critical situations.
The Minor Hockey Allstar
Looks promising at a glance as they fool you with reasonably good skills but after you get zero passes you'll get the picture. This guy topped out at 'AA' Midget and can be spotted by the huge blinders attached to his helmet. Play is characterized by energetic rushes down the wing, (no passing), then into the corner (still no pass), behind the net (hey dickhead I've been open for the past 5 minutes),then into the next corner (everybody has gone back to the bench to watch) followed by a blind give away pass to the high slot / break out pass for the other team. Cut this guy.
The Johnny Try Hard
Great to have on your team but they suck to play against because they have somehow managed to keep themselves in ridiculously good shape. They were probably the star on their high school hockey team and won athlete of the year because they played hockey, volleyball and track all in the same year. Guaranteed they have a membership at the 'Running Room'. Play is characterized by constant hustle which if caught off guard can embarrass the more talented yet fatter player.
The Stanley Cup Champion
This player will raise their hands and cheer when they score. If this is an opposing player you must nip this behavior in the bud by catching him off guard with a sickening open ice hit that causes him to blow snot bubbles. If this player is on your team quickly chastise him in front of the other team to let them know that this is not how the rest of your team rolls. Remind him how much of a loser he is by retrieving the puck from the net the next time he scores and presenting it to him in front of the other team.
The Tough Guy
This guy maxed out at the house-league level, has never been in a fight and is characterized by antagonizing behaviour on the ice. In extreme cases he will 'cheap shot' another player. The fact that your beer league does not allow fighting has given this guy a false sense of courage. What this guy does not realize is that this will not prevent someone from knocking his teeth out if he cheap shots the wrong guy. There is a number of fun ways to handle this player which all end with him lying on the ice bleeding, looking for his teeth and crying.
The Wrong Guy
Not to be confused with 'The Complete Psycho'. This guy shows up, doesn't say much and pretty much flies under the radar screen. The kid that gave him the cheap shot him will eventually look his name up on Hockey DB after his facial surgery and realize he had 355 pims in the East Cost 3 years ago..
The Gary Roberts
Can be described as being way too intense. This guy is one of your better players but is unable to adjust to the lower level of play. At the best of times he will try to coach players on the fly and at the worst of times he will snap and call his entire team a bunch of house-leaguers. He believes the game should be played a certain way and despises 'pond hockey' style play with no back checking or positional assignments. Most likely is suffering from a complex of 'unfinished business' from his previous hockey career and is looking to capture some shred of glory via the rec-league championship. This guy is probably better off playing with his own kind in a senior-A league.
Monday, August 25, 2008
8/25/2008: 0:00
Three is a magic number. Three zero’s, three goals, and an ill timed five on three all proved too much for the Pigs in the semi final playoff game against the C.H.U.D.S. Minus T-mac (see Jack Johnson) the Pigs jumped out to a 3-2 lead thanks to Pig legend Obus who willed a goal and two assists. With time running out in the 3rd and the Pigs on a five on three advantage disaster struck. As Papi tells the story Pete missed him by a mile (several meters) finding none other than #88 playing the top of the three man defensive triangle. 88 was off and ultimately hauled down by Pistole Pete himself to the tune of a penalty shot. Pipes got a piece of it however with 3 minutes to play the game was tied 3-3 and ultimately went to OT. With the clock reading 0:00 in the OT frame the puck found its way into the Pig net. After a brief conference with the scorekeeper the goal was allowed and the Pigs sent packing after a heart breaking 4-3 loss.
The game marked the last of Dennis Longshore’s 13 year career as a Pig. Dennis has decided to retire citing rising fuel and glass expenses. The Wisconsin native will be remembered for his long shifts and late emails. We’ll miss you buddy! Good luck in San Jose. Lemon is slated to take his coveted #2 line Center position after more than a decade patrolling the blue line.
Three is a magic number. Three zero’s, three goals, and an ill timed five on three all proved too much for the Pigs in the semi final playoff game against the C.H.U.D.S. Minus T-mac (see Jack Johnson) the Pigs jumped out to a 3-2 lead thanks to Pig legend Obus who willed a goal and two assists. With time running out in the 3rd and the Pigs on a five on three advantage disaster struck. As Papi tells the story Pete missed him by a mile (several meters) finding none other than #88 playing the top of the three man defensive triangle. 88 was off and ultimately hauled down by Pistole Pete himself to the tune of a penalty shot. Pipes got a piece of it however with 3 minutes to play the game was tied 3-3 and ultimately went to OT. With the clock reading 0:00 in the OT frame the puck found its way into the Pig net. After a brief conference with the scorekeeper the goal was allowed and the Pigs sent packing after a heart breaking 4-3 loss.
The game marked the last of Dennis Longshore’s 13 year career as a Pig. Dennis has decided to retire citing rising fuel and glass expenses. The Wisconsin native will be remembered for his long shifts and late emails. We’ll miss you buddy! Good luck in San Jose. Lemon is slated to take his coveted #2 line Center position after more than a decade patrolling the blue line.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
8/12/08: Pipes continues to Drink the special Indian water
Pigs win it 5-0. Pipes baby.
Here's a little song for ya... "make me fries."
Playoffs start on Tuesday.
Pigs win it 5-0. Pipes baby.
Here's a little song for ya... "make me fries."
Playoffs start on Tuesday.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
8/6/2008: Pipes v John Muir
Pipes lead the Pigs to a much needed ‘dubbya’ last night by posting a shutout against the Prairie Dogs. “That was some good water Kid...thanks for the bottle” Pipes was overheard after stopping 40 shots on the night. What Pipes didn’t know was that he was drinking Hetch Hetchy water…that’s right…none of that East Bay MUD crap he was sippin on last week when 7 pucks found their way through his pads. The water he had last night was the secret ingredient we’ve been looking for down the stretch. Back to the game…without regulars Papi, Tmac, Dino, Lemon, etc the Pigs and a small compliment of geriatric Blazers were able to burry a couple goals and hold off the Dogs including a full two minutes of 5-3 hockey (thanks to Mac’s little tantrum). The return of Mo from a nasty case of bursitis saw him score the 1st goal early in the 1st period in what would ultimately be a 2-0 game. “I saw this really old fat guy streaking down the ice…I couldn’t tell if it was Mo, Dave, Dave, Evan, or Obus” recalled Mac as he set up the game winning tally. Tall Gary didn't have any "helpers" however he did have a good game. Thanks Gary!
Pipes lead the Pigs to a much needed ‘dubbya’ last night by posting a shutout against the Prairie Dogs. “That was some good water Kid...thanks for the bottle” Pipes was overheard after stopping 40 shots on the night. What Pipes didn’t know was that he was drinking Hetch Hetchy water…that’s right…none of that East Bay MUD crap he was sippin on last week when 7 pucks found their way through his pads. The water he had last night was the secret ingredient we’ve been looking for down the stretch. Back to the game…without regulars Papi, Tmac, Dino, Lemon, etc the Pigs and a small compliment of geriatric Blazers were able to burry a couple goals and hold off the Dogs including a full two minutes of 5-3 hockey (thanks to Mac’s little tantrum). The return of Mo from a nasty case of bursitis saw him score the 1st goal early in the 1st period in what would ultimately be a 2-0 game. “I saw this really old fat guy streaking down the ice…I couldn’t tell if it was Mo, Dave, Dave, Evan, or Obus” recalled Mac as he set up the game winning tally. Tall Gary didn't have any "helpers" however he did have a good game. Thanks Gary!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
7/27/2008: “Yelling at the referee will Win you games”
Pretty funny. The Pigs still havn’t figured this one out. We are an aging team. Anyway a lot has gone down since May with the Pigs going 5-4-1 landing them in 3rd place with an 8-4-2 overall record with two games to play. Aside from the pedestrian record the Pigs did lose the Mangler for the season to an upper body injury in June. After years of going down for “metro” ailments such as Labia Majora and Minora pulls, vaginosis, uterual cysts, etc Jackie boy finally injures a man part…a ruptured bicept. Congrats. He couldn't be happier (see pic).
Other notables: Lemon trips over a fire hose, Mo AWOL (not really sure what the problem is), and the return of the once great Obus who’s 1998 season was spectacular as he lead the Pigs to their 1st ever championship with a 23 goal season. What a difference 10 years makes.
Pretty funny. The Pigs still havn’t figured this one out. We are an aging team. Anyway a lot has gone down since May with the Pigs going 5-4-1 landing them in 3rd place with an 8-4-2 overall record with two games to play. Aside from the pedestrian record the Pigs did lose the Mangler for the season to an upper body injury in June. After years of going down for “metro” ailments such as Labia Majora and Minora pulls, vaginosis, uterual cysts, etc Jackie boy finally injures a man part…a ruptured bicept. Congrats. He couldn't be happier (see pic).
Other notables: Lemon trips over a fire hose, Mo AWOL (not really sure what the problem is), and the return of the once great Obus who’s 1998 season was spectacular as he lead the Pigs to their 1st ever championship with a 23 goal season. What a difference 10 years makes.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
5/20/2008 No Meat: The Tall Gary Chronicles
Why do we call Gary "Tall Mother F*&cking Gary"?...might be easier to explain why we don't. Anyway it happened again last night as Gary blew his Meat and Beer coverage with a feeble excuse that went something like "I can't be expected to read 800 e-mails...I'm a freakin VP for Christ’s sake." So there we were after a sweet 4-1 win against the Prairie Dogs with nothing to eat but a bag of chips that KRose serendipitously packed with his Hawaiian Beer. Pig Elders are meeting later this week to discuss disciplinary action against the 6-4 Cancuk. His future with the Pig organization is in jeopardy and talks of extending Gary through the 2013 season have stalled.
Tall Gary Fun Fact: In college they called him "Ninja"...see video here
Why do we call Gary "Tall Mother F*&cking Gary"?...might be easier to explain why we don't. Anyway it happened again last night as Gary blew his Meat and Beer coverage with a feeble excuse that went something like "I can't be expected to read 800 e-mails...I'm a freakin VP for Christ’s sake." So there we were after a sweet 4-1 win against the Prairie Dogs with nothing to eat but a bag of chips that KRose serendipitously packed with his Hawaiian Beer. Pig Elders are meeting later this week to discuss disciplinary action against the 6-4 Cancuk. His future with the Pig organization is in jeopardy and talks of extending Gary through the 2013 season have stalled.
Tall Gary Fun Fact: In college they called him "Ninja"...see video here
Friday, May 16, 2008
One from the 2002-3 Greenie Vault (posted without permission)
Pigs open New Year with a classic 6-5 win.
How the Pigs keep the calories off
A New Year and with the New Year comes fire works; code orange alerts; and blanket resolutions. For many Americans and Canadians, especially those who move to America to steal ice-time from Americans, the two most important resolutions for every New Year are watching more Pig games and keeping off the weight.
To loose weight, people must eat less and be more active. The first part of the equation is eating less of what? With warnings about mercury content in fish; mad cow disease and viruses from chickens in Asia there aren’t a lot of choices left except skittles and water. The second part of the equation is a little easier to answer especially if you’re a member of the Oakland Puck Pigs whose 2-1 record since New Year’s has propelled the Pigs into a tie for second place with the Hastings Owls.
How do then the Pigs keep off the weight and burn off the calories on game days?
Kid
Putting hand outside window to see if it’s raining: 25 calories
Listening to brother about engagement plans while driving to the game: 2 calories
Dressing (fastest dresser on the team): 50 calories
Skating into the offensive zone: 75 calories each time-Total 750 calories
Shooting, passing and clearing the puck: 250 calories
Listening to Greenspan about skating in the offensive zone: 0 calories
Peter
Calling Gary to tell him he is injured and can’t play: 50 calories
Golfing while injured: 500 calories
When playing, shots from the point; passing; breaking up 2 on 1s: 650 calories
Roughing it up in front: 450 calories
Drinking beer after the game: 35 calories
Pretending to listen to Greenspan about anything: 0 calories
The Pigs opened the New Year with an impressive 6-5 victory over the first place Skatefull Dead whose only two defeats this year have been at the hands of the Puck Pigs.
The Pigs, once again off to a fast start, took a 2-0 lead only to see it evaporate late in the first period. Both teams traded goals well into the third period thanks to some great offensive playing by Longshore, Fraser, Marcella, Rosey and Dino and excellent forechecking.
Dennis Longshore
Pre-game warm-up: 125 calories
Passing, scoring, fore-checking, back checking: 735 calories
High sticking teammate in locker room: 100 calories
High sticking opponent: 150 calories
Sitting in penalty box: 10 calories per penalty-Total 50 calories
Listening to Greenspan about the defensive zone: 0 calories
With the score tied with about 4 minutes left in the game, Dino, while being knocked down in front, was able to get a shot off and fire it into the net for the go ahead goal. With four minutes to go the Pigs defense led by Obus, Tall Gary, Kid and Pete made some key plays clearing the zone and tieing up the opposition in front. With the goalie pulled, Greenspan won a key face off deep in the Pigs zone and Fraser’s ability to clear the zone helped the Pigs preserve their first win of the New Year. “It was a tremendous win for the Pigs, said Dino. “Not only did we win, but it proved that we can win the big games without McClure and Buck.”
Mac
Changing diapers: 275 calories
Fixing dinner for the wife and kids: 750 calories
Calling to get out of the game: 50 calories
Telling wife “I’m not going to Vegas unless you come with me.” 200 calories
(extra 50 calories if in praying position while talking to wife)
Playing with kids: 350 calories
Cleaning up: 450 calories
Shock at looking at score sheet: 75 calories
After playing one of their greatest periods in team history against the Edge by outscoring the Edge 3-0 in the first period, the Pigs unexpectedly unraveled by allowing 6 unanswered goals en route to a 6-3 loss. “Hopefully, we can learn from that game,” said the kid. “I know I did-don’t invite family to games you think you may loose since they will stop believing you when you tell them we won.”
Obus
Holding umbrella for brother while he walks to the car: 25 calories
Telling brother about his engagement while driving: 300 calories
Clearing pucks and opponents, passing and shooting: 800 calories
Reading the score sheet after the game: 25 calories
Changing the score sheet: 300 calories
E-Mailing the score sheet: 100 calories
Adding up Greenspan’s points: 0 calories
The Pigs third game of the year matched the Pigs against the Oakland Seals who were coming into the game with a five game winning streak and a much improved team from their last game against the Pigs. “A lot of teams obtain players during the season to improve their team, but unfortunately the Pigs have never picked up players during the season,” said Tall Gary. “The only things some players usually pick up during the season is a new pair of socks and hope that other teams think they are new players.”
Tall MF Gary
Talking about Canada: 5 calories
Talking about the new hockey jerseys: 25 calories
Being Tall: 25 calories
Slapshots from the point: 350 calories
Rushes up ice; clearing the opposition in front; passing: 725 calories
Listening to Peter’s excuses for not showing up at a game: 50 calories
Listening to Greenspan about considering making the breakout pass a little earlier: 0 calories
Jeff “Pipes”Giving identification to get locker room key: 50 calories
(Add 125 calories if he has to look for the guy or gal behind the counter)
Kick saves; glove saves and blocker saves: 1025 calories
Listening to Greenspan about blocking the angle: 0 calories
The Pigs gave up the fastest goal in team history just 14 seconds into the game when the Seals forwards moved in quickly and scored against a surprised Jeff. The Pigs however roared back on Kent McClure’s goal in the slot off a feed from Greenspan behind the Seal’s net. The Seals however showing why they are the leading scoring team in the league struck back with two unanswered goals to take a 3-1 lead. “It wasn’t looking good
After the first period,” said, Kevin Rose. “We were being outscored and we had a very short bench with only two lines, but we proved out toughness coming back.”
Dino
Carrying stick bag: 35 calories
Practicing his patened deak: 75 calories
Putting stick on the ice: 35 calories
Shooting and scoring while being cross-checked: 350 calories
Roughing it up in front of the net: 650 calories
Listening to Greenspan about going into deep in the defensive zone: 0 calories
Fraser
Putting on green hockey pants: 25 calories
Aggressive backchecking and forechecking; passing; shooting: 5000 calories
Dreaming of squirrels while listening to Greenspan: 5 calories
And coming back the Pigs did while burning a record number of calories. Longshore scored to pull the Pigs within one and then Greenspan scored his first goal of the season on a rebound off a great rush by Tall Gary. “People will read the score sheet and think Greenspan scored on an incredible play with an amazing shot,” said Obus. “However, anyone who knows hockey will agree that the goal was scored on an incredible play thanks to Gary and that Greenspan was probably falling when he accidentally knocked the puck in.”
David Greenspan
Injuring leg: 50 calories
Injuring adam’s apple: 50 calories
Injuring hand: 50 calories
Injuring back: 50 calories
Proclaiming he is fit to play: 25 calories
Scoring: 0 calories
Skating to bench after an injury: 250 calories
Back checking; winning face-offs and passing: 550 calories
Coaching and advising: 150 calories (if winning)
Coaching and advising: 450 calories (if loosing)
Pigs open New Year with a classic 6-5 win.
How the Pigs keep the calories off
A New Year and with the New Year comes fire works; code orange alerts; and blanket resolutions. For many Americans and Canadians, especially those who move to America to steal ice-time from Americans, the two most important resolutions for every New Year are watching more Pig games and keeping off the weight.
To loose weight, people must eat less and be more active. The first part of the equation is eating less of what? With warnings about mercury content in fish; mad cow disease and viruses from chickens in Asia there aren’t a lot of choices left except skittles and water. The second part of the equation is a little easier to answer especially if you’re a member of the Oakland Puck Pigs whose 2-1 record since New Year’s has propelled the Pigs into a tie for second place with the Hastings Owls.
How do then the Pigs keep off the weight and burn off the calories on game days?
Kid
Putting hand outside window to see if it’s raining: 25 calories
Listening to brother about engagement plans while driving to the game: 2 calories
Dressing (fastest dresser on the team): 50 calories
Skating into the offensive zone: 75 calories each time-Total 750 calories
Shooting, passing and clearing the puck: 250 calories
Listening to Greenspan about skating in the offensive zone: 0 calories
Peter
Calling Gary to tell him he is injured and can’t play: 50 calories
Golfing while injured: 500 calories
When playing, shots from the point; passing; breaking up 2 on 1s: 650 calories
Roughing it up in front: 450 calories
Drinking beer after the game: 35 calories
Pretending to listen to Greenspan about anything: 0 calories
The Pigs opened the New Year with an impressive 6-5 victory over the first place Skatefull Dead whose only two defeats this year have been at the hands of the Puck Pigs.
The Pigs, once again off to a fast start, took a 2-0 lead only to see it evaporate late in the first period. Both teams traded goals well into the third period thanks to some great offensive playing by Longshore, Fraser, Marcella, Rosey and Dino and excellent forechecking.
Dennis Longshore
Pre-game warm-up: 125 calories
Passing, scoring, fore-checking, back checking: 735 calories
High sticking teammate in locker room: 100 calories
High sticking opponent: 150 calories
Sitting in penalty box: 10 calories per penalty-Total 50 calories
Listening to Greenspan about the defensive zone: 0 calories
With the score tied with about 4 minutes left in the game, Dino, while being knocked down in front, was able to get a shot off and fire it into the net for the go ahead goal. With four minutes to go the Pigs defense led by Obus, Tall Gary, Kid and Pete made some key plays clearing the zone and tieing up the opposition in front. With the goalie pulled, Greenspan won a key face off deep in the Pigs zone and Fraser’s ability to clear the zone helped the Pigs preserve their first win of the New Year. “It was a tremendous win for the Pigs, said Dino. “Not only did we win, but it proved that we can win the big games without McClure and Buck.”
Mac
Changing diapers: 275 calories
Fixing dinner for the wife and kids: 750 calories
Calling to get out of the game: 50 calories
Telling wife “I’m not going to Vegas unless you come with me.” 200 calories
(extra 50 calories if in praying position while talking to wife)
Playing with kids: 350 calories
Cleaning up: 450 calories
Shock at looking at score sheet: 75 calories
After playing one of their greatest periods in team history against the Edge by outscoring the Edge 3-0 in the first period, the Pigs unexpectedly unraveled by allowing 6 unanswered goals en route to a 6-3 loss. “Hopefully, we can learn from that game,” said the kid. “I know I did-don’t invite family to games you think you may loose since they will stop believing you when you tell them we won.”
Obus
Holding umbrella for brother while he walks to the car: 25 calories
Telling brother about his engagement while driving: 300 calories
Clearing pucks and opponents, passing and shooting: 800 calories
Reading the score sheet after the game: 25 calories
Changing the score sheet: 300 calories
E-Mailing the score sheet: 100 calories
Adding up Greenspan’s points: 0 calories
The Pigs third game of the year matched the Pigs against the Oakland Seals who were coming into the game with a five game winning streak and a much improved team from their last game against the Pigs. “A lot of teams obtain players during the season to improve their team, but unfortunately the Pigs have never picked up players during the season,” said Tall Gary. “The only things some players usually pick up during the season is a new pair of socks and hope that other teams think they are new players.”
Tall MF Gary
Talking about Canada: 5 calories
Talking about the new hockey jerseys: 25 calories
Being Tall: 25 calories
Slapshots from the point: 350 calories
Rushes up ice; clearing the opposition in front; passing: 725 calories
Listening to Peter’s excuses for not showing up at a game: 50 calories
Listening to Greenspan about considering making the breakout pass a little earlier: 0 calories
Jeff “Pipes”Giving identification to get locker room key: 50 calories
(Add 125 calories if he has to look for the guy or gal behind the counter)
Kick saves; glove saves and blocker saves: 1025 calories
Listening to Greenspan about blocking the angle: 0 calories
The Pigs gave up the fastest goal in team history just 14 seconds into the game when the Seals forwards moved in quickly and scored against a surprised Jeff. The Pigs however roared back on Kent McClure’s goal in the slot off a feed from Greenspan behind the Seal’s net. The Seals however showing why they are the leading scoring team in the league struck back with two unanswered goals to take a 3-1 lead. “It wasn’t looking good
After the first period,” said, Kevin Rose. “We were being outscored and we had a very short bench with only two lines, but we proved out toughness coming back.”
Dino
Carrying stick bag: 35 calories
Practicing his patened deak: 75 calories
Putting stick on the ice: 35 calories
Shooting and scoring while being cross-checked: 350 calories
Roughing it up in front of the net: 650 calories
Listening to Greenspan about going into deep in the defensive zone: 0 calories
Fraser
Putting on green hockey pants: 25 calories
Aggressive backchecking and forechecking; passing; shooting: 5000 calories
Dreaming of squirrels while listening to Greenspan: 5 calories
And coming back the Pigs did while burning a record number of calories. Longshore scored to pull the Pigs within one and then Greenspan scored his first goal of the season on a rebound off a great rush by Tall Gary. “People will read the score sheet and think Greenspan scored on an incredible play with an amazing shot,” said Obus. “However, anyone who knows hockey will agree that the goal was scored on an incredible play thanks to Gary and that Greenspan was probably falling when he accidentally knocked the puck in.”
David Greenspan
Injuring leg: 50 calories
Injuring adam’s apple: 50 calories
Injuring hand: 50 calories
Injuring back: 50 calories
Proclaiming he is fit to play: 25 calories
Scoring: 0 calories
Skating to bench after an injury: 250 calories
Back checking; winning face-offs and passing: 550 calories
Coaching and advising: 150 calories (if winning)
Coaching and advising: 450 calories (if loosing)
Intellegence Report 10823.12.09142 (Pilipino Flash)
Click for Top Secret and Pig Confidential Reports:
Hockey Report
Lacross Report
High School Report
Intel courtesy of the "Mangler"
Click for Top Secret and Pig Confidential Reports:
Hockey Report
Lacross Report
High School Report
Intel courtesy of the "Mangler"
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Head Butts...we don't need no stinkin' head butts.
So it was on the 7th day the Lord rested and looked and marveled at what he had created. I'm thinking head buttin' cageless hockey players wasn't one of them. The Pigs rolled in typical Swine fashion. It started out with an early game that many Pigs aren't use to so what did the boys in black do......Dominate Short for a majority of the game. Pipes got a late start out of the locker room with only 1:34 to warm up. Steve decided to covet the holiest of seats and cop a squat in Pipes normal place. I do believe seating assignments for Swine can be found in our by-laws page 2 paragraph 3 line 7. Anyway, it seemed to put Pipes in the right mind set. Not only did he stone the "Flash" he made him look like a rented player FOB (Fresh of the Boat) from Manila. The ice seemed a bit uneven the first period with the Mavericks dominating on the shot clock and overall chances. The fact that Dennis strained his Vulva in warm ups didn't help the guys playing Center....oh I mean Rob. Dennis in typical Wisconsin grit sucked it up and made a hell of a game. Nice work Longshore. The newest member to the squad Mo chiseled his name in fine Pig fashion. He has now shown all that it ain't the size of the dog in the fight it's the size of the fight in the dog. After Mo was repeatedly hacked and slashed he decided to rectify a wrong and make it right, unfortunately the CAGE MAN had his own plans.....Can you say Head Butt to a cageless player. Mo and T Mac now have more in common than they thought, horseshoe scars....NICE! Well back to the action. The game pretty much stayed a 1-1 stalemate through most of the shenanigans until Papi decided to show the Mavericks what true punishment is. Lets just say that Papi went back to the days of glory when a cup check meant you were dating and an elbow to the chops meant your were liked but not loved. Papi found himself an early way to the showers for reasons most are still unsure of. He is taking the next few games off to recon the Pacific Isles for more to unleash his wrath. Now the Pigs are down Mo (Major for slashing), Papi (playing hard) and TMAC, PG, TG, DINO, MAGLER (??????). So that leaves Mac, Lem, Kid, Dennis, K Rose, Robb, RPM to handle a 5 on 3 for 5 minutes. Mind you there is only 5:55 left in the game and it is nutlocked at 1. Well enter RPM and his Ginsu.....For those who were there, you know. Those that weren't know that his edges on his skates are SHARP. Glove side end to end killin' a 5 on 3.....Priceless. The only thing that wasn't in the Pig Plan was a High Stick by the Mavs to knock one down and bury it on Pipes who did all he could to help secure RPM's game winner. The score ended 2-2 but by Moral victory standards Pigs 10 Mavs 2. Thanks to Magler for sending out the recent recon on our newest target Kevin Arabejo (Flip Flash). T Mac can teach him a thing or two about keeping your feet. And yes Papi the Pacheco Library called me and told me to not keep overdue books it takes away from us all. See you all next Tuesday for a little Prarie Dog action on the big ice.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
May 6, 2008: Pigs v PBR: Magic 8; Balls Nostradamus once said “A just one will be sent back again into exile…” and so it happened last night in Oakland as Tmac was escorted off the ice early in the 1st period with an apparent facial flesh wound. Upon his return, complete with butterfly Band-Aid between the eyes, the Pigs were trailing 2-0 deep into the 2nd period. As if Nostradamus wasn’t enough it looks as though Dino’s recent vasectomy has given him prognosticating powers beyond his wildest dream as he was overheard mumbling a laughable game final score prediction of 8-2. Then it happened. Tmac tied things up 2-2 with a pair of 2nd period beauties. In the third the Pigs took a 3-2 lead behind a Kid goal powered by the sweet soft hands of Dino and Herrick. Gracie lit the lamp seconds later with a laser from the point. Tmac got the hat trick seconds behind that and the hits kept coming. With the score 7-2 and the clock winding down it looked as if Dino’s bold prediction was meaningless however as if it were written in stone Dino buried the 8th goal of the night as the Pigs win it 8-2. That was some magic and those were some bruised balls.
Post Game Notes: T-mac received emergency medical attention after the game and it required only 10 stitches. He is expected to make a full recovery.
Post Game Interview: Jackie Tells it like it is
Post Game Notes: T-mac received emergency medical attention after the game and it required only 10 stitches. He is expected to make a full recovery.
Post Game Interview: Jackie Tells it like it is
Monday, May 05, 2008
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
4/29/2008: Pig Nation Expands Internationally:
Pig Uber Prospect Madeleine Grace Blucher joins the Pig Nation...
Minor League Stats:
Position: Left Wing
Weight: 3.725kg (8lbs, 3oz)
Lengh: 50cm (19.7in)
Location/Time: Geneva, Switzerland @ 10:03am
Congrats to #2 Obus and wife Debbie (click Pig Favorite link for MILF pics)
Pig Uber Prospect Madeleine Grace Blucher joins the Pig Nation...
Minor League Stats:
Position: Left Wing
Weight: 3.725kg (8lbs, 3oz)
Lengh: 50cm (19.7in)
Location/Time: Geneva, Switzerland @ 10:03am
Congrats to #2 Obus and wife Debbie (click Pig Favorite link for MILF pics)
Thursday, April 17, 2008
4/17: Pig 2008 Awards:
• 2008 Oakland Cup: Puck Pigs (Pigs sweep Prairie Dogs in 2; 6-4 & 1-0)
• 2008 Presidents Trophy (Team Most Points): Prairie Dogs (29 pts)
• Art Ross Trophy (scoring champ): Tmac (Pigs) – 48 pts
• Rocket Richard (goal champ): Tmac (Pigs) – 31 goals
• Hart Memorial (MVP): Tmac (Pigs): See Art Ross and Rocket Richard
• Vezina Trophy (Best Goaltender): Pipes (Pigs)
• James Norris Trophy (Top Defenseman): Jack Mangan & Papi for their age defying heroics on the blue line
• Lady Byng (Skill and Sportsmanship): Rich Rogers steels the award this year from Robb Herrick (6 PIMs in 18 games) for being a human punching bag in round 1 of the playoffs. This sole act exemplifies the spirt of sportsmanship and taking one for the team!!!
• Conn Symthe (MVP Playoffs): Kent McClure (for the game winner in OT) and Pipes (can you say shutout...bitch)
• Jack Adams (Coach): David Greenspan
Mangler with the Oakland Cup
• 2008 Oakland Cup: Puck Pigs (Pigs sweep Prairie Dogs in 2; 6-4 & 1-0)
• 2008 Presidents Trophy (Team Most Points): Prairie Dogs (29 pts)
• Art Ross Trophy (scoring champ): Tmac (Pigs) – 48 pts
• Rocket Richard (goal champ): Tmac (Pigs) – 31 goals
• Hart Memorial (MVP): Tmac (Pigs): See Art Ross and Rocket Richard
• Vezina Trophy (Best Goaltender): Pipes (Pigs)
• James Norris Trophy (Top Defenseman): Jack Mangan & Papi for their age defying heroics on the blue line
• Lady Byng (Skill and Sportsmanship): Rich Rogers steels the award this year from Robb Herrick (6 PIMs in 18 games) for being a human punching bag in round 1 of the playoffs. This sole act exemplifies the spirt of sportsmanship and taking one for the team!!!
• Conn Symthe (MVP Playoffs): Kent McClure (for the game winner in OT) and Pipes (can you say shutout...bitch)
• Jack Adams (Coach): David Greenspan
Mangler with the Oakland Cup
4/17: Ex Pig Wins A Championship of His Own
Pig great Greenie finally lived up to all the hype following his blockbuster trade to the Los Angeles Global Warmers back in 2005. If you recall the Pig front office sent Greenie packing for little more than a 6 pack of Coors Light after years of misapproriating team funds. "Seems the fees kept going up yet Dave never drank Beer or gave money to Fast Eddy" said one unidentified Pig who spoke only on grounds that his identity be protected. "Just didn't believe in Beer or Bums" said another. Regardless Dave's hockey skills were never in question. "There never was or never will be a 'shawdow' as good as Dave...he's the best." It only took 3 years for Greenie to showcase these skills for the underdog Global Warmers in the 2008 playoff series that had the team locked up in shootout. The GW were down to their 9th skater after OT and the first 8 skaters couldn't decide a winner. The coach gave Greenie the nod and he lit the lamp. Word has it Greenie drank a neer beer after the game. Congrats Dave!
Pig great Greenie finally lived up to all the hype following his blockbuster trade to the Los Angeles Global Warmers back in 2005. If you recall the Pig front office sent Greenie packing for little more than a 6 pack of Coors Light after years of misapproriating team funds. "Seems the fees kept going up yet Dave never drank Beer or gave money to Fast Eddy" said one unidentified Pig who spoke only on grounds that his identity be protected. "Just didn't believe in Beer or Bums" said another. Regardless Dave's hockey skills were never in question. "There never was or never will be a 'shawdow' as good as Dave...he's the best." It only took 3 years for Greenie to showcase these skills for the underdog Global Warmers in the 2008 playoff series that had the team locked up in shootout. The GW were down to their 9th skater after OT and the first 8 skaters couldn't decide a winner. The coach gave Greenie the nod and he lit the lamp. Word has it Greenie drank a neer beer after the game. Congrats Dave!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Pigs Win 2008 Championship in Two
Mac stays onside......Nets GAMEWINNER!
C-H-A-M-P-S! That's right all you Swine faithful, the Puck Pigs have done it again. Can you say "3 peat". That might be getting a bit ahead of ourselves but hey, here's hoping. Pigs make it 2 in a row for the winter season. After starting out in a rather slow fashion (1-4) the mighty swine showed what it takes to hold onto the cup.....or water bottle, your choice. The playoffs are all but a memory now but those are memories that will last a PAPI lifetime. Many stories were told feasting on Dino's meat.....I mean dogs and lots of beer was in attendance as well. You would be hard pressed to find anything but laughter and smiles in Fast Eddy's parking lot. With that said let's get on with it......
The night started out with 13 skaters, some with flu like symptoms and others with fire in their eyes. Papi got the night going with giving the Lem some sound advice, "rub this butter on you stick Lem, I think it will help you with the puck." With no real comeback to that, the Lem did just that. Seemed to work. What did work though was the Pig hockey we have come to know an love. After beating the Prarie Puppies 6-4 on Saturday the Swine took it upon themselves to end it, so we could all watch game 5 between the Sharks and Calgary. "Let's not let it get that far and end it." PG was heard telling the troops in the locker room after we were told we might have to play game 3 on Thursday. So at 8:45 when the puck dropped the Pigs went to work. You couldn't find a flaw in the Pigs strategy. Langley was going to be marked, Pipes promised a shut out sometime this season and Mangler left the Lem to get his labia healed. Well after a few shifts the Pigs found themselves in a bit of a pickle with T Mac getting aquainted with the sin bin. 4 penalties in the first 20 minutes of play....now in his defense where in the rule book does it say a player will be given a delay of game for not shutting the door to the penalty box? Still trying to figure that one out. Did I mention that T Mac got back most of his gear from some "tweeker" from El Sobrante? Only cost him 2 Jackson's.
Now that the game is underway the Pigs finally settle in.....the cycle is working we are getting some big shots from the point with PG, TG, and Papi....Lem needs a clinic from Papi. The forwards are working hard on the forcheck to keep the Puppies guessing. Dino with his pattented triangle was all but unstoppable. First period though saw the tally board at 0-0.
Now into the second.....Started out a bit rough. First few minutes minus T Mac kept the Pigs on their toes with trying to avoid the BIG GOAL. As usual Pipes stepped up steering and covering anything that got close.....Can you say BRICKWALL! Well more of the same with the Chip and Flow strategy. Centers Herrick, Longshore and RPM dominated in the faceoff circle. Dennis even managed to stay out of the box....must be the new haircut and bag. This is also the period where Lem and K Rose were talking about how bad ass TMFG was stoning Langley with a poke check at the blueline. Many of us got our heart rates up when that all went down but Gary was as cool as a jewel. Oh yeah and this was the period where Papi could be heard...after he gingerly skated toward the box where T Mac was saying "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" T Mac got the message. Think he may have heard this before. Anyway more of the same in terms of Pig strategy. Ended 0-0.
3rd period and a lot of excitement. Mac was seen really pressing here trying to get the monkey of his back. Rosey could be heard "come on Mac" with words of encouragement. K Rose.....does he even talk? RPM showed what it takes to play in this league and did so by bringing up a lung on the bench. Dino asked him if it was the chemotherapy or something he ate but even at 50% RPM can still bring it. Robb showed what his new fortay is and that is winning in the circle. I think he was 80% or better....we are still waiting for the official tally. Pipes, well what can you say after stopping 3 different odd man breaks and pulling his own personal Houdini out there.....the ref is still looking for the puck. K Rose almost pulls off the penalty shot, Longshore still not in the box, Mangler laying some punishment on Langley and well the D is still helping to hold this to a goose egg. Period ends same as the first 2. 0-0
OT BABY! Rules are simple 9 minute running and 1 minute stop. the Pigs would only need 6:36 to get it done. The OT started off rather shakey for our boys in black. Pipes probably faced 5 to 6 shots in the first 2 minutes but held strong and kept dreaming of the first shut out of this season. Pipes faced down a 2 on 0 30 seconds later with a fast glove that all but sealed his legacy as the greatest netminder in Pig history.....can you say CAT! T Mac showed that this game is about heart and desire....gave up the body on a sure goal by the Rat all alone in the slot with 4 guys screening Pipes. A lot of chip and flow and neutral zone battles. But the play of the game and the one that will always be remembered by all was the wicked glove down by T Mac deep in Pigs zone that found its way to Mac's stick.....here is the official call by Johnny in the stands, after he was done making out with his girly. "Langley gets it deep into Pig territory, Papi moves to the slot to cover, TG takes Langley deep to the end board, puck shoots up, gloved down by T Mac, he has a man breaking, T Mac puts it off the half board to Mac at center ice, the Rat tries to coral it, Mac has a step, HE'S ONSIDE ,HE SKATES IN, DEKES LEFT, SHOOTS, TOP SHELF.....PIGS WIN PIGS WIN. Can you belive it, there is pandamonium with this sellout crowd of 2.....UNBELIEVABLE." In other news The Kid was a healthy scratch taking one for the team. Family first and that is all I have to say about that. And the rest is what they say HISTORY! Great job boys, see you in 2 weeks. Need to plan a boys celebration PG style.
Kid hangin with his favorite Princess...Nice win fella!
4/12: 2008 Championship Game 1
Who'd thunk the Pigs would only be able to muster 9 guys on a Saturday afternoon for championship hockey? That was the case: Kid, Gracie, Herrick, Pipes, Tall Gary, Papi, Tori, Mangler, Dino, and Mac suited up to take on the Praire Dogs. With expectations low the team decided to grind it out. Mac struck first...followed by Dino to the tune of a 2-1 lead midway through the 2nd. From there it was all Tmac and his rental skates who finished with the last four goals capping off an improbable 6-4 win over the heavily favored yet Langleyless Praire Dog team. Game two on Tuesday.
4/10: Playoffs Round 1: Pigs (#2) v Fat Guys (#6)
Having earned a 1st round playoff bye, the Pigs eagerly awaited the outcome of the #6 Fat Guys vs #3 PBR squad. To everyone's suprise the Fat Guys won and earned the right to play the Pigs. Pigs win 6-3 and advance to the finals to defend their 2007 title vs the #1 Praire Dogs.
4/3: Pigs Loose Last Game of Regular Season...Denny blows a gasket
The #1 Praire Dogs handed it to the Pigs in the last game of the regular season. The Pigs struggled as Tmac's rental skates left him without an edge. Denny Longshore couldn't keep his cool down the stretch and received a two game suspension that will likely keep him out of the playoff for some time. On a brighter note not so New Guy Peter Grace celebrated his birthday with the Pig faithful...Molsen style. Happy Birthday Pete!
Mac stays onside......Nets GAMEWINNER!
C-H-A-M-P-S! That's right all you Swine faithful, the Puck Pigs have done it again. Can you say "3 peat". That might be getting a bit ahead of ourselves but hey, here's hoping. Pigs make it 2 in a row for the winter season. After starting out in a rather slow fashion (1-4) the mighty swine showed what it takes to hold onto the cup.....or water bottle, your choice. The playoffs are all but a memory now but those are memories that will last a PAPI lifetime. Many stories were told feasting on Dino's meat.....I mean dogs and lots of beer was in attendance as well. You would be hard pressed to find anything but laughter and smiles in Fast Eddy's parking lot. With that said let's get on with it......
The night started out with 13 skaters, some with flu like symptoms and others with fire in their eyes. Papi got the night going with giving the Lem some sound advice, "rub this butter on you stick Lem, I think it will help you with the puck." With no real comeback to that, the Lem did just that. Seemed to work. What did work though was the Pig hockey we have come to know an love. After beating the Prarie Puppies 6-4 on Saturday the Swine took it upon themselves to end it, so we could all watch game 5 between the Sharks and Calgary. "Let's not let it get that far and end it." PG was heard telling the troops in the locker room after we were told we might have to play game 3 on Thursday. So at 8:45 when the puck dropped the Pigs went to work. You couldn't find a flaw in the Pigs strategy. Langley was going to be marked, Pipes promised a shut out sometime this season and Mangler left the Lem to get his labia healed. Well after a few shifts the Pigs found themselves in a bit of a pickle with T Mac getting aquainted with the sin bin. 4 penalties in the first 20 minutes of play....now in his defense where in the rule book does it say a player will be given a delay of game for not shutting the door to the penalty box? Still trying to figure that one out. Did I mention that T Mac got back most of his gear from some "tweeker" from El Sobrante? Only cost him 2 Jackson's.
Now that the game is underway the Pigs finally settle in.....the cycle is working we are getting some big shots from the point with PG, TG, and Papi....Lem needs a clinic from Papi. The forwards are working hard on the forcheck to keep the Puppies guessing. Dino with his pattented triangle was all but unstoppable. First period though saw the tally board at 0-0.
Now into the second.....Started out a bit rough. First few minutes minus T Mac kept the Pigs on their toes with trying to avoid the BIG GOAL. As usual Pipes stepped up steering and covering anything that got close.....Can you say BRICKWALL! Well more of the same with the Chip and Flow strategy. Centers Herrick, Longshore and RPM dominated in the faceoff circle. Dennis even managed to stay out of the box....must be the new haircut and bag. This is also the period where Lem and K Rose were talking about how bad ass TMFG was stoning Langley with a poke check at the blueline. Many of us got our heart rates up when that all went down but Gary was as cool as a jewel. Oh yeah and this was the period where Papi could be heard...after he gingerly skated toward the box where T Mac was saying "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" T Mac got the message. Think he may have heard this before. Anyway more of the same in terms of Pig strategy. Ended 0-0.
3rd period and a lot of excitement. Mac was seen really pressing here trying to get the monkey of his back. Rosey could be heard "come on Mac" with words of encouragement. K Rose.....does he even talk? RPM showed what it takes to play in this league and did so by bringing up a lung on the bench. Dino asked him if it was the chemotherapy or something he ate but even at 50% RPM can still bring it. Robb showed what his new fortay is and that is winning in the circle. I think he was 80% or better....we are still waiting for the official tally. Pipes, well what can you say after stopping 3 different odd man breaks and pulling his own personal Houdini out there.....the ref is still looking for the puck. K Rose almost pulls off the penalty shot, Longshore still not in the box, Mangler laying some punishment on Langley and well the D is still helping to hold this to a goose egg. Period ends same as the first 2. 0-0
OT BABY! Rules are simple 9 minute running and 1 minute stop. the Pigs would only need 6:36 to get it done. The OT started off rather shakey for our boys in black. Pipes probably faced 5 to 6 shots in the first 2 minutes but held strong and kept dreaming of the first shut out of this season. Pipes faced down a 2 on 0 30 seconds later with a fast glove that all but sealed his legacy as the greatest netminder in Pig history.....can you say CAT! T Mac showed that this game is about heart and desire....gave up the body on a sure goal by the Rat all alone in the slot with 4 guys screening Pipes. A lot of chip and flow and neutral zone battles. But the play of the game and the one that will always be remembered by all was the wicked glove down by T Mac deep in Pigs zone that found its way to Mac's stick.....here is the official call by Johnny in the stands, after he was done making out with his girly. "Langley gets it deep into Pig territory, Papi moves to the slot to cover, TG takes Langley deep to the end board, puck shoots up, gloved down by T Mac, he has a man breaking, T Mac puts it off the half board to Mac at center ice, the Rat tries to coral it, Mac has a step, HE'S ONSIDE ,HE SKATES IN, DEKES LEFT, SHOOTS, TOP SHELF.....PIGS WIN PIGS WIN. Can you belive it, there is pandamonium with this sellout crowd of 2.....UNBELIEVABLE." In other news The Kid was a healthy scratch taking one for the team. Family first and that is all I have to say about that. And the rest is what they say HISTORY! Great job boys, see you in 2 weeks. Need to plan a boys celebration PG style.
Kid hangin with his favorite Princess...Nice win fella!
4/12: 2008 Championship Game 1
Who'd thunk the Pigs would only be able to muster 9 guys on a Saturday afternoon for championship hockey? That was the case: Kid, Gracie, Herrick, Pipes, Tall Gary, Papi, Tori, Mangler, Dino, and Mac suited up to take on the Praire Dogs. With expectations low the team decided to grind it out. Mac struck first...followed by Dino to the tune of a 2-1 lead midway through the 2nd. From there it was all Tmac and his rental skates who finished with the last four goals capping off an improbable 6-4 win over the heavily favored yet Langleyless Praire Dog team. Game two on Tuesday.
4/10: Playoffs Round 1: Pigs (#2) v Fat Guys (#6)
Having earned a 1st round playoff bye, the Pigs eagerly awaited the outcome of the #6 Fat Guys vs #3 PBR squad. To everyone's suprise the Fat Guys won and earned the right to play the Pigs. Pigs win 6-3 and advance to the finals to defend their 2007 title vs the #1 Praire Dogs.
4/3: Pigs Loose Last Game of Regular Season...Denny blows a gasket
The #1 Praire Dogs handed it to the Pigs in the last game of the regular season. The Pigs struggled as Tmac's rental skates left him without an edge. Denny Longshore couldn't keep his cool down the stretch and received a two game suspension that will likely keep him out of the playoff for some time. On a brighter note not so New Guy Peter Grace celebrated his birthday with the Pig faithful...Molsen style. Happy Birthday Pete!
Friday, March 28, 2008
3/27/2008: Pigs v Chuds
Pigs continue to roll with a sound dismantling of the Chuds to the tune of 4-1 before a season high one fan last night in Oakland. It was the first game back for Mangler who had been nursing a nagging labia pull since week #3 when he got into a pre game hallway tussle over a tube of Grecian “forever young” hair product. The Pigs have one regular season game remaining and look to have the inside track on the #2 seed entering the playoffs. In next weeks blog we will discuss the concept of the Ultimate Pig. In the mean time here is a little diddy from Tmac
Pigs continue to roll with a sound dismantling of the Chuds to the tune of 4-1 before a season high one fan last night in Oakland. It was the first game back for Mangler who had been nursing a nagging labia pull since week #3 when he got into a pre game hallway tussle over a tube of Grecian “forever young” hair product. The Pigs have one regular season game remaining and look to have the inside track on the #2 seed entering the playoffs. In next weeks blog we will discuss the concept of the Ultimate Pig. In the mean time here is a little diddy from Tmac
Friday, March 21, 2008
3/21/2008: Inspiration 101:
Where did we leave things…ahh last January…the Pigs were in Dead Last at 1-4. Captain Mac had just sent out a nasty gram to the league regarding the officials. Things looked pretty bad. On January 10th, Papi had yet another Don Cherry motivational moment in the locker room. Can’t remember what he said however the results over the past few months have been fantastic:
1/10/08: Win, Pigs (5) Mavericks (3)
1/20/08: Tie, Pigs (6) PBR (6)
1/24/08: Tie, Pigs (3) Ghost Tigers (3)
1/31/08: Win, Pigs (5) Prairie Dogs (4)
2/7/08: Win, Pigs (5) Chuds (1)
2/18/08: Win, Pigs (8) Mavericks (3)
2/21/08: Tie, Pigs (2) Chuds (2)
2/28/08: Loss, Pigs (4) Prairie Dogs (5)
3/6/08: Win, Pigs (5) PBR (4)
3/13/08: Win, Pigs (6) Ghost Tigers (1) Dino’s fight clip
3/20/08: Win, Pigs (3) Mavericks (1)
That’s 7-1-3 for those who have trouble with tallys. The marks include one of the most fantastic come back wins in Pig History (trailing 4-0 after the 1st period the Pigs rallied to win it 5-4). The Pigs now sit in what looks to be 2nd place at 8-5-3 with a couple games to go before the playoffs.
Where did we leave things…ahh last January…the Pigs were in Dead Last at 1-4. Captain Mac had just sent out a nasty gram to the league regarding the officials. Things looked pretty bad. On January 10th, Papi had yet another Don Cherry motivational moment in the locker room. Can’t remember what he said however the results over the past few months have been fantastic:
1/10/08: Win, Pigs (5) Mavericks (3)
1/20/08: Tie, Pigs (6) PBR (6)
1/24/08: Tie, Pigs (3) Ghost Tigers (3)
1/31/08: Win, Pigs (5) Prairie Dogs (4)
2/7/08: Win, Pigs (5) Chuds (1)
2/18/08: Win, Pigs (8) Mavericks (3)
2/21/08: Tie, Pigs (2) Chuds (2)
2/28/08: Loss, Pigs (4) Prairie Dogs (5)
3/6/08: Win, Pigs (5) PBR (4)
3/13/08: Win, Pigs (6) Ghost Tigers (1) Dino’s fight clip
3/20/08: Win, Pigs (3) Mavericks (1)
That’s 7-1-3 for those who have trouble with tallys. The marks include one of the most fantastic come back wins in Pig History (trailing 4-0 after the 1st period the Pigs rallied to win it 5-4). The Pigs now sit in what looks to be 2nd place at 8-5-3 with a couple games to go before the playoffs.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Pigs win 5-4!
The infamous Puck Pigs beat the Prairie Dogs 5-4 to jump to a 3-4-2 record.
Most impressive is the fact that the Swine won the game with out two of their more famous stalwarts TMac and Papi.
The MacDonald Brothers were forced into alternative engagements but were still able to send the following message to their Pig teammates. Please pay special attention to TMac's half ass attempt at Meat Puppet with burnt back bacon and the fact that he hates kids who use calculators at the Foley electrician classes!
Tmac & Papi
Click for message
Way to go swine. Special props go out to the Swine subs who scored 4 out of the 5 goals.
The infamous Puck Pigs beat the Prairie Dogs 5-4 to jump to a 3-4-2 record.
Most impressive is the fact that the Swine won the game with out two of their more famous stalwarts TMac and Papi.
The MacDonald Brothers were forced into alternative engagements but were still able to send the following message to their Pig teammates. Please pay special attention to TMac's half ass attempt at Meat Puppet with burnt back bacon and the fact that he hates kids who use calculators at the Foley electrician classes!
Tmac & PapiClick for message
Way to go swine. Special props go out to the Swine subs who scored 4 out of the 5 goals.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Pigs Captain Steps Up...Is It Enough?
In the aftermath of the latest Pig loss the League handed out suspensions to a few players. It was clear after the game that a head butt from an opposing Maverick would draw some league attention however surprisingly the spoken word carriers equal punitive weight when it comes to Oakland managment. Here is the hero's letter writen by the Pigs own Mac:
The Pig rank and file respond with the following policy as pitched by player favorite Lemon:
Strong work boys.
In the aftermath of the latest Pig loss the League handed out suspensions to a few players. It was clear after the game that a head butt from an opposing Maverick would draw some league attention however surprisingly the spoken word carriers equal punitive weight when it comes to Oakland managment. Here is the hero's letter writen by the Pigs own Mac:
Just to clarify. A verbal abuse receives the same punishment as a physical abuse? In fact a verbal abuse receives the same punishment as an egregious act of violence? Just want my team to know that if they cuss out a referee or head butt someone in the face with their cage they only need to worry about missing one game. Am I assuming too much that at two hand slash to the ankle, cross check to the neck or spear to the nuts will also just be a one game suspension??
You guys are wacked. Get a hold of your league and send the right message.
Perplexed and pissed off,
Mac
The Pig rank and file respond with the following policy as pitched by player favorite Lemon:
1) If you have a beef with an officials call immediately inform Mac. SAY NOTHING! Just skate ever so gingerly over to the box and let Mac handle it.
2) If you feel the need to strike something try counting to 10 first and then DO NOTHING! Let Mac handle it.
3) If you feel you are being treated unjustly by the officials SAY NOTHING! Let Mac handle it.
Suggested penalty to infracting SWINE should be BEER to the TEAM for each infraction. If you want to persist you should then be assigned MEAT.
Strong work boys.
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