11/29/2006: Pig Victory Exposes Dark Underbelly of Pig Society
It was either the cold or a chronic case of the “Papi’s” that is causing a serious case of amnesia regarding the details of last nights hockey game. What I do recall is Papi. Papi yelling (at me). Papi screaming (at me). That’s about it. I mean I’ve got the stat sheet right in front of me detailing the Pig’s 5-1 dominance over the Black Dogs yet I can’t recall a single play…well one play comes to mind but you guessed it…it featured Papi screaming at me. Regardless how bad the play was you would expect a former Junior Hockey chumpion to help out and yell after the whistle…whatever. The good news is Papi and I are now closer than ever before and I welcome the opportunity to patrol the blue line with him again. The Papi stuff aside I think the cold exposed a side of the Pigs that we all should be ashamed of. Maybe it was the case of beer and bounty of bbq products (thanks to Dino’s sweet lawn mowing wife)…maybe it was Kramer…whatever it was the Mangler was dropping racially motivated bombs…black (jersey) this and black (grill) that. I stopped counting after the 3rd Nathan’s dog. Not sure why he had to bring race into every discussion. What would the HAW say if she found out? The more I think about things it must have been the horror of finding out that one of the Pig's nephews was hospitalized. Yeah he went in with the complaint of a “sore dick.” Doc told him to ease up (or lube up) a little if you know what I mean. Ahh to be 15 again. Things are getting better however and should he be reading this blog do not let him Click Here as it is explicit and will take you to the “come to mama” area of a well know pop artist. I warned ya.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Well it is the 22nd of November and the Kid is a bit on the busy side with all the VAGINA in his house. The Lem aka Anal Bleacher will handle this one. Remember now I am not as talented as the Kid with the written word so be ready. The Pigs meet the new and improved "PBR" (Prostate Blowin Rimmer) in a rematch. The Pigs jump out early and often reaching there mark of 8 goals. Can you say Deja Vu! The PBR did however happen to find the back of the net a few times, Ok 3 times as much as they did before but hey who's counting. Lem was without his normal D partner Mangler as he was busy entertaing some bean counters from corporate. Rumor is they went for a rub and a tug in the city.....Can you say Penicillin. Well back to the action. T Mac and his line made there normal showing trying to make a pitch to get themselves new contracts as set forth by GM Mangler but the other lines anchored by Rob, Mac, Dino, Papi, and T Mother F!(*$% Gary showed that the Pigs are all about heart not Benjamins. Jeff put up huge numbers in net keeping it a landslide victory for the Balck, Red and White. Jeff was heard during the 2nd intermission as saying "if you guys don't mind would you keep em off of me after the 6th rebound. Kid and Lem did their best to comply but with a little brain fart let one guy by with not so much as a blink. Well lets keep it going on the 28th my boys and I think I will be able to pull Mangler off the H.A.W but word is she is working on a new novel titled "Secrets of the Keggles" and is still in the research mode and you all know what that means........No legs for Mangler.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
11/8/2006: Pickled Pigs, Carl Brewer
Pigs didn’t bring their “A” Tuesday night as the Prairie Dogs feasted on bacon sandwiches all night to the taste of a 6-3 win. 40+ year old sub Diamond Dave Roth and his bloodied “beak” wasn’t enough to keep the Pigs out of trouble. “I could smell the booze on him in the locker room before we suited up…he was hammered” said 1st line Defenseman Lemon. Double D’s vision was good enough to one time a perfect Mac (originally thought to be Papi however Papi was too busy checking Kids stick for wear and tear) pass to give the Pigs their first goal. Pitt’s schizophrenia surfaced briefly late in the first period as he was observed yelling at himself…the outburst will likely cost him the Lady Byng this year. If you look close at the picture you might be able to see Pitt’s alter ego…the feared no fat, chicken turkey hot dog smoking Puck Pig. Suuuwei!!!
The most important part of the night however was after the game when Papi took the Kid aside in a moment that would have made Ex-Pig Captain/coach Greenspan smile. You see the Kid missed a few passes, got burned a couple times, and even goalie Jeff politely said “let’s not let that happen again.” Papi sat the Kid down saying “You know who Carl Brewer is?” Well here is Carl’s story:
Carl Brewer was an integral part of the Tronoto Leaf’s 1962, 1963, 1964 Stanely Cup Championship teams. He was always different, known for cutting the palms of his gloves out so he could hold his stick shaft with his bare hands. In 1963 he hired agent Alan Eagleson who would prove to be Brewer’s nemesis. The Eagle soon became the top agent in the game and became the head of the NHL players association. Carl stopped playing in 1980. Soon after retirement he came to realize the Eagleson betrayed not only his trust but also the trust of every player in the NHL with regard player pensions. Brewer’s quest for Justice against Eagleson came to a head in 1991 when Brewer filed a lawsuit against the NHL to recover missing pension money and in 1994 the courts sided with Carl. In 1998 Eagleson was fined and sent to prison. “I just want to thank God for the United States of America because none of this would have occurred in Canada” he said after the verdict. This was Carl’s finest moment. None of this has anything to do with Papi’s sit down. You see Papi asked the Kid to bring his stick over. Looking at the wear pattern he said “you see the stick is worn here at the heal…you need a lower lie (angle between the blade and the shaft)…like Carl Brewer.” You see our hero Carl was known for skating low to the ice and carrying the puck out in front. Lies normally range from 4 to 8 yet Carl needed a 3. “Kid you need a 3.”
There you have it. Next game: Thursday, November 16, @ 10:15 against PBR.
Pigs didn’t bring their “A” Tuesday night as the Prairie Dogs feasted on bacon sandwiches all night to the taste of a 6-3 win. 40+ year old sub Diamond Dave Roth and his bloodied “beak” wasn’t enough to keep the Pigs out of trouble. “I could smell the booze on him in the locker room before we suited up…he was hammered” said 1st line Defenseman Lemon. Double D’s vision was good enough to one time a perfect Mac (originally thought to be Papi however Papi was too busy checking Kids stick for wear and tear) pass to give the Pigs their first goal. Pitt’s schizophrenia surfaced briefly late in the first period as he was observed yelling at himself…the outburst will likely cost him the Lady Byng this year. If you look close at the picture you might be able to see Pitt’s alter ego…the feared no fat, chicken turkey hot dog smoking Puck Pig. Suuuwei!!!
The most important part of the night however was after the game when Papi took the Kid aside in a moment that would have made Ex-Pig Captain/coach Greenspan smile. You see the Kid missed a few passes, got burned a couple times, and even goalie Jeff politely said “let’s not let that happen again.” Papi sat the Kid down saying “You know who Carl Brewer is?” Well here is Carl’s story:
Carl Brewer was an integral part of the Tronoto Leaf’s 1962, 1963, 1964 Stanely Cup Championship teams. He was always different, known for cutting the palms of his gloves out so he could hold his stick shaft with his bare hands. In 1963 he hired agent Alan Eagleson who would prove to be Brewer’s nemesis. The Eagle soon became the top agent in the game and became the head of the NHL players association. Carl stopped playing in 1980. Soon after retirement he came to realize the Eagleson betrayed not only his trust but also the trust of every player in the NHL with regard player pensions. Brewer’s quest for Justice against Eagleson came to a head in 1991 when Brewer filed a lawsuit against the NHL to recover missing pension money and in 1994 the courts sided with Carl. In 1998 Eagleson was fined and sent to prison. “I just want to thank God for the United States of America because none of this would have occurred in Canada” he said after the verdict. This was Carl’s finest moment. None of this has anything to do with Papi’s sit down. You see Papi asked the Kid to bring his stick over. Looking at the wear pattern he said “you see the stick is worn here at the heal…you need a lower lie (angle between the blade and the shaft)…like Carl Brewer.” You see our hero Carl was known for skating low to the ice and carrying the puck out in front. Lies normally range from 4 to 8 yet Carl needed a 3. “Kid you need a 3.”
There you have it. Next game: Thursday, November 16, @ 10:15 against PBR.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
10/24/2006: 2006-7 Season Opener “More Cowbell”
Pigs opened the 2006-7 Winter season against Pabst Blue Ribbon. Naw this team was not coached or managed by Frank Booth (the manic Dennis Hopper from “Blue Velvet”) nor did the squad go Turrets on us with cute quotes from the movie “"Heineken? Fuck that shit! … PABST BLUE RIBBON!!!" They did have PBR jerseys however I don’t think they were a sponsored club. Anyway…PBR stunned the Oakland hockey world by scoring :37 into the 1st period. This was about all they did. ...
(Kids mind starts to wander...Must have been because the ice was not that cold. Everyone knows that PBR must be cold, icy cold in fact. As it worms, PBR molecules tend to bond with ambient urine molecules in the atmosphere, making it taste like Brooklyn Pilsner. There is a certain retro coolness to be found in standing behind the Red, White, and Blue of PBR. Really though…who if anyone still drinks PBR these days?” Who even knows where to find it? Maybe in one of the beer stores that Vitts talks about up in Canada? Imagine how cool you’ll be, and how much money you could save for that dream grill you've longed for, as you suck down a few cans after the game. Other teams will gawk with envy as they sip on their warm, flat, Coors Lights. Wait the Pigs like Coors Light and we have a kick ass grill. Kid snaps out of it).
...The next 44+ minutes were all about the Turtle and his trusty cowbell. It was really like the poor fella had a fever and the only prescription was more cowbell.
Nobody knows this better than Papi who racked up 11 PIMs (all in the offensive zone I might add…no wait that is not true...he broke #21 PBRs stick at center ice...also the score sheet shows an additional game misconduct recorded after the game ended????). Cowbell aside the Pigs went on to dominate, scoring 8 unanswerd goals to win the opener 8-1. Usual suspects of TMac & Mac doing most of the damage (Vitts decided to damage his goin). Even hero firefighter Lemon was able to make the 3rd period after hanging with his Contra Costa fire team on the NHL side. Thanks Lem!
Quote of the night: "Lets just say it ain't gonna get any better" - Papi to Vitts when asked if nagging from girls abates post marrage.
Pigs opened the 2006-7 Winter season against Pabst Blue Ribbon. Naw this team was not coached or managed by Frank Booth (the manic Dennis Hopper from “Blue Velvet”) nor did the squad go Turrets on us with cute quotes from the movie “"Heineken? Fuck that shit! … PABST BLUE RIBBON!!!" They did have PBR jerseys however I don’t think they were a sponsored club. Anyway…PBR stunned the Oakland hockey world by scoring :37 into the 1st period. This was about all they did. ...
(Kids mind starts to wander...Must have been because the ice was not that cold. Everyone knows that PBR must be cold, icy cold in fact. As it worms, PBR molecules tend to bond with ambient urine molecules in the atmosphere, making it taste like Brooklyn Pilsner. There is a certain retro coolness to be found in standing behind the Red, White, and Blue of PBR. Really though…who if anyone still drinks PBR these days?” Who even knows where to find it? Maybe in one of the beer stores that Vitts talks about up in Canada? Imagine how cool you’ll be, and how much money you could save for that dream grill you've longed for, as you suck down a few cans after the game. Other teams will gawk with envy as they sip on their warm, flat, Coors Lights. Wait the Pigs like Coors Light and we have a kick ass grill. Kid snaps out of it).
...The next 44+ minutes were all about the Turtle and his trusty cowbell. It was really like the poor fella had a fever and the only prescription was more cowbell.
Nobody knows this better than Papi who racked up 11 PIMs (all in the offensive zone I might add…no wait that is not true...he broke #21 PBRs stick at center ice...also the score sheet shows an additional game misconduct recorded after the game ended????). Cowbell aside the Pigs went on to dominate, scoring 8 unanswerd goals to win the opener 8-1. Usual suspects of TMac & Mac doing most of the damage (Vitts decided to damage his goin). Even hero firefighter Lemon was able to make the 3rd period after hanging with his Contra Costa fire team on the NHL side. Thanks Lem!
Quote of the night: "Lets just say it ain't gonna get any better" - Papi to Vitts when asked if nagging from girls abates post marrage.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Monday, October 16, 2006
ABP: Stinky Smelly Hockey Bag
From our PPG leader Pittsberg Justin. Perhaps in the future you could contract with Vitts to keep a close eye on your goods. I hear he is quite good with a gun.
E-mail from Pitt (10/16/06)
So a couple of nights ago I decided it was probably time to get my hockey bag out of the trunk of my car as it had been left in there since our last game. It was a little confusing at first when I didn't see the bag in my trunk. But after 5 minutes of incredulous denial I let myself believe that some fuck broke into my car, found nothing of value in the glove compartment, pulled the trunk latch, and hauled my sweaty hockey gear away with him. Alright, so i'm being discriminating: It could have been a girl. Anyway, I think i'm going to host one of those 'end-of-an-eighties-movie' community dance offs to raise money so I can buy new equipment, but until I get the proper city permits in place, I might be out of commission for a while. All of this was typed on my treo, so apologies for any spelling errors.
later,
Justin
From our PPG leader Pittsberg Justin. Perhaps in the future you could contract with Vitts to keep a close eye on your goods. I hear he is quite good with a gun.
E-mail from Pitt (10/16/06)
So a couple of nights ago I decided it was probably time to get my hockey bag out of the trunk of my car as it had been left in there since our last game. It was a little confusing at first when I didn't see the bag in my trunk. But after 5 minutes of incredulous denial I let myself believe that some fuck broke into my car, found nothing of value in the glove compartment, pulled the trunk latch, and hauled my sweaty hockey gear away with him. Alright, so i'm being discriminating: It could have been a girl. Anyway, I think i'm going to host one of those 'end-of-an-eighties-movie' community dance offs to raise money so I can buy new equipment, but until I get the proper city permits in place, I might be out of commission for a while. All of this was typed on my treo, so apologies for any spelling errors.
later,
Justin
Friday, October 13, 2006
A few notes and messages from the squad:
A message from Tall Gary's former Youth Hockey Coach, Jules Winnfield. "Just cause you look like the Gimp don't mean you have to play like the Gimp." Enjoy the video.
Winter Season Creed (thank you Lemon):
I,________, promise never to be outhustled. I will play both ends of the ice, fight for every loose puck. I will sacrifice my body for my team. I will always choose grit over flash, substance over style. I will work, and sweat, and suffer, so that-come game time-my team can shine. I am a PUCK PIG hockey player!
Pig Addendums (thank you Longshore):
If I am the puppet - I will not forget to bring the meat.
If I am the bitch - I will not forget to bring the beer.
And the Herrick clause:
I will not shoot on my own goalie.
And the Lemon clause (Kid edit from Longshore's original):
I will make a break-out pass up the middle of the ice (as that is were the forward should be).
I will not pass to an opposing high slot player (Lemon Drop).
And the Dino clause:
I will choose hockey over Oprah.
As well as the Mac clause:
I will choose hockey over Fleetwood Mac.
And the Frasier clause:
I will stay off my damn motorcycle.
And the Mangler clause:
I will choose hockey over the HAW.
Finally the Longshore clause:
I will not take offensive zone penalties
I will not pick on guys bigger than me.
I will get a tatoo on my ass that says "it's never to late to get back on defense."
A message from Tall Gary's former Youth Hockey Coach, Jules Winnfield. "Just cause you look like the Gimp don't mean you have to play like the Gimp." Enjoy the video.
Winter Season Creed (thank you Lemon):
I,________, promise never to be outhustled. I will play both ends of the ice, fight for every loose puck. I will sacrifice my body for my team. I will always choose grit over flash, substance over style. I will work, and sweat, and suffer, so that-come game time-my team can shine. I am a PUCK PIG hockey player!
Pig Addendums (thank you Longshore):
If I am the puppet - I will not forget to bring the meat.
If I am the bitch - I will not forget to bring the beer.
And the Herrick clause:
I will not shoot on my own goalie.
And the Lemon clause (Kid edit from Longshore's original):
I will make a break-out pass up the middle of the ice (as that is were the forward should be).
I will not pass to an opposing high slot player (Lemon Drop).
And the Dino clause:
I will choose hockey over Oprah.
As well as the Mac clause:
I will choose hockey over Fleetwood Mac.
And the Frasier clause:
I will stay off my damn motorcycle.
And the Mangler clause:
I will choose hockey over the HAW.
Finally the Longshore clause:
I will not take offensive zone penalties
I will not pick on guys bigger than me.
I will get a tatoo on my ass that says "it's never to late to get back on defense."
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Click below for the Original Star Wars Kid (watch em all they are very funny). Vitts: this you back in High School?
The Original Star Wars Kid
Lemon: A challenge to you and your brother to try and top Mac.
Note: Kid has edited Mac's orignal post to add bells, whistles, Vitts, and Lemon. Mac...apologies for not adding the history to my post below. I figured everyone knew about the Original Star Wars kid. I will do more research to confirm my hypothesis that the Orignal Star Wars kid is in fact the Pigs very own Slap Shot Rob.
_______
The Original Star Wars Kid
Lemon: A challenge to you and your brother to try and top Mac.
Note: Kid has edited Mac's orignal post to add bells, whistles, Vitts, and Lemon. Mac...apologies for not adding the history to my post below. I figured everyone knew about the Original Star Wars kid. I will do more research to confirm my hypothesis that the Orignal Star Wars kid is in fact the Pigs very own Slap Shot Rob.
_______
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Terrapin Trumps Swine: Prairie Dogs Advance to the Finals
10/4/2006 (Oakland, CA) The 2006 Pig Summer season came to a screeching halt last night after a heartbreaking shootout loss to the Prairie Dogs. “If only Dale were here” Rosie mused before the game upon seeing that the inept and consistently horrendous referee known simply as the ‘turtle’ was in line to call the semi final game between the Pigs and the Dogs (Long time Pig fans remember Dale’s “in the crease” call against Reno’s finest Greg Marsella to end the Pigs 2002 season). After the Pigs took an early 1-0 lead the Dogs responded with authority scoring 4 1st period goals. A fired up Pig squad went on a 20 shot, 3 goal 2nd period rampage to knot things up @ 4 through two. Dogs opened the 3rd with a fancy: 07 goal to take a 5-4 lead. With time running out Team Captain Mac rallied the troops with a TO. “OK let’s get an all-star line on the ice…and Kid you can stay out there as well (thanks Mac).” The all-stars + Kid did as they were instructed and apparently scored the game tying goal with about 5 minutes to play. The team celebration abruptly ended about 20 seconds after it started with the ‘Turtle” calling for a faceoff in the zone…a classic Turtle call). “The Kids shot rested at least a foot over the goal line” LW standout Pittsburg Justin who had a birds eye view from the left goal post recalled after the game. Regardless the Pigs rallied once again with a fantastic game tying T-Mac goal with about 3 minutes on the clock. Even better Longshore buried the go ahead goal with the clock winding down. The Dogs forced OT with a timely 14:15 high slot turkey shoot shot. I should mention that the Mangler was asked to leave the ice for exceeding the allotted number of penalties and for not bringing his HAW to the game. The overtime period featured 5:00 of play from 1979 Canadian Junior hockey standout Papi who momentarily forgot how to change lines. No score in the OT period forcing a shootout.
Shootout summary
Dogs#74…stoned by Jeff.
Mac…stoned by Dogs net minder.
Dogs#5…goal.
Pitt…stoned by Dogs net minder.
Dogs#20…stoned by Jeff (and his pile of snow in the slot trick)
Vitts…stoned by Dogs net minder.
Pigs hit the showers.
Pig Nation post game highlighted by Lemon’s fantastic 5 star BBQ Tri-Tip sambo’s, salad, and more. Thank you Lemon.
2006 Awards
Jack Adams: best coach. Winner: David Greenspan This is David's second ‘straight’ Adams award since leaving the team in 2005.
Georges Vezina: best goalie. Winner: Jeff. Jeff outperformed the subs and his peers this season with a career best 90.4 save percentage and 11 wins. Nice work Pipes.
Heart: team MVP. Winner: T-Mac Mac graciously gives last years award to the new Mac…TMac is the man. Nobody can be sure exactly how many of the 19 goals and 11 assists belong Papi however we can all agree it was less than 2.
Bill Masterton Memorial: the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship, and dedication to hockey. Winner: Dino. Second straight for Dino. The guy never gives up (except in the playoffs when Oprah takes priority).
Lester B. Pearson: most outstanding player. Winner: Pittsburg Justin . Justin got edged out last year however this season Justin’s 2.0 PPG makes him a must play every week. He has been signed to a long term contract that includes Asian incentives.
Calder: Most proficient in 1st year on the Pigs. Winner: Vitts. The guys a ‘nut’ but brings the thunder. Welcome to the squad Vitts.
Da Byng: Gentleman. Winner: JustinNice work.
Maurice Richard. Top Goal scorer. Winner: T-Mac (17 ish)
Selke: Forward who best excels in the defensive aspects of the game. Winner: Herrick. Every skater on the ice should say to themselves "it's never to late to get back on D".
King Clancy: Player who best exemplifies leadership qualities on and off the ice and has made noteworthy humanitarian contributions. Winner: Mangler top notch recruiting Jackie!
Norris: Defensive player who demonstrates the greatest all-around ability. Winner: Gracie is the clear winner with 1 G, 9 A, and 18 PIMs.
Ross: Pts leader. Winner: T-Mac (25 ish)
Conn Smythe: MVP of the playoffs...Winner: T-mac. Too bad we missed the opportunity to give the rookie a Mohawk!
Great Season Pigs….see you all for Winter 2006-7.
10/4/2006 (Oakland, CA) The 2006 Pig Summer season came to a screeching halt last night after a heartbreaking shootout loss to the Prairie Dogs. “If only Dale were here” Rosie mused before the game upon seeing that the inept and consistently horrendous referee known simply as the ‘turtle’ was in line to call the semi final game between the Pigs and the Dogs (Long time Pig fans remember Dale’s “in the crease” call against Reno’s finest Greg Marsella to end the Pigs 2002 season). After the Pigs took an early 1-0 lead the Dogs responded with authority scoring 4 1st period goals. A fired up Pig squad went on a 20 shot, 3 goal 2nd period rampage to knot things up @ 4 through two. Dogs opened the 3rd with a fancy: 07 goal to take a 5-4 lead. With time running out Team Captain Mac rallied the troops with a TO. “OK let’s get an all-star line on the ice…and Kid you can stay out there as well (thanks Mac).” The all-stars + Kid did as they were instructed and apparently scored the game tying goal with about 5 minutes to play. The team celebration abruptly ended about 20 seconds after it started with the ‘Turtle” calling for a faceoff in the zone…a classic Turtle call). “The Kids shot rested at least a foot over the goal line” LW standout Pittsburg Justin who had a birds eye view from the left goal post recalled after the game. Regardless the Pigs rallied once again with a fantastic game tying T-Mac goal with about 3 minutes on the clock. Even better Longshore buried the go ahead goal with the clock winding down. The Dogs forced OT with a timely 14:15 high slot turkey shoot shot. I should mention that the Mangler was asked to leave the ice for exceeding the allotted number of penalties and for not bringing his HAW to the game. The overtime period featured 5:00 of play from 1979 Canadian Junior hockey standout Papi who momentarily forgot how to change lines. No score in the OT period forcing a shootout.
Shootout summary
Dogs#74…stoned by Jeff.
Mac…stoned by Dogs net minder.
Dogs#5…goal.
Pitt…stoned by Dogs net minder.
Dogs#20…stoned by Jeff (and his pile of snow in the slot trick)
Vitts…stoned by Dogs net minder.
Pigs hit the showers.
Pig Nation post game highlighted by Lemon’s fantastic 5 star BBQ Tri-Tip sambo’s, salad, and more. Thank you Lemon.
2006 Awards
Jack Adams: best coach. Winner: David Greenspan This is David's second ‘straight’ Adams award since leaving the team in 2005.
Georges Vezina: best goalie. Winner: Jeff. Jeff outperformed the subs and his peers this season with a career best 90.4 save percentage and 11 wins. Nice work Pipes.
Heart: team MVP. Winner: T-Mac Mac graciously gives last years award to the new Mac…TMac is the man. Nobody can be sure exactly how many of the 19 goals and 11 assists belong Papi however we can all agree it was less than 2.
Bill Masterton Memorial: the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship, and dedication to hockey. Winner: Dino. Second straight for Dino. The guy never gives up (except in the playoffs when Oprah takes priority).
Lester B. Pearson: most outstanding player. Winner: Pittsburg Justin . Justin got edged out last year however this season Justin’s 2.0 PPG makes him a must play every week. He has been signed to a long term contract that includes Asian incentives.
Calder: Most proficient in 1st year on the Pigs. Winner: Vitts. The guys a ‘nut’ but brings the thunder. Welcome to the squad Vitts.
Da Byng: Gentleman. Winner: JustinNice work.
Maurice Richard. Top Goal scorer. Winner: T-Mac (17 ish)
Selke: Forward who best excels in the defensive aspects of the game. Winner: Herrick. Every skater on the ice should say to themselves "it's never to late to get back on D".
King Clancy: Player who best exemplifies leadership qualities on and off the ice and has made noteworthy humanitarian contributions. Winner: Mangler top notch recruiting Jackie!
Norris: Defensive player who demonstrates the greatest all-around ability. Winner: Gracie is the clear winner with 1 G, 9 A, and 18 PIMs.
Ross: Pts leader. Winner: T-Mac (25 ish)
Conn Smythe: MVP of the playoffs...Winner: T-mac. Too bad we missed the opportunity to give the rookie a Mohawk!
Great Season Pigs….see you all for Winter 2006-7.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Pigs Advance to Semis; Vitts completes Sexual Harassment Training; Oprah looms large
Twenty seven seconds is all it took for Line 1 (T-mac, Dennis, Pitt) and the Pigs to wrap this one up with a pair of goals on their 1st shift. When the final horn sounded the scoreboard showed 5-1 and the Pigs advance to the semi’s Tuesday night @ 8:45.
It was clear that something was different about Slap Shot Rob (Vitts) as his style of play seemed somewhat emasculated. It wasn’t until after the game he confessed to having successfully completed sexual harassment training last week after the scandalous Mr. Peanut incident. Pig Management is discussing putting all players through this course after Mangler’s salacious hit from behind against an unsuspecting Greyhound. Numerous studies have concluded that folks perceive these types of hits to be gay whether or not the actual hit had any homosexual intent. Perception is everything and Pig Management is concerned.
Finally to reach out to our female Pig nation members Dino has taken it upon himself to partner with Oprah. Each week Dino will bring the Nation an Oprah reading assignment and host a book club discussion. Dino will not be at Tuesday's game as he is personally meeting with Oprah to discuss next weeks book.
Click Here for Stats through round 2!!!
Twenty seven seconds is all it took for Line 1 (T-mac, Dennis, Pitt) and the Pigs to wrap this one up with a pair of goals on their 1st shift. When the final horn sounded the scoreboard showed 5-1 and the Pigs advance to the semi’s Tuesday night @ 8:45.
It was clear that something was different about Slap Shot Rob (Vitts) as his style of play seemed somewhat emasculated. It wasn’t until after the game he confessed to having successfully completed sexual harassment training last week after the scandalous Mr. Peanut incident. Pig Management is discussing putting all players through this course after Mangler’s salacious hit from behind against an unsuspecting Greyhound. Numerous studies have concluded that folks perceive these types of hits to be gay whether or not the actual hit had any homosexual intent. Perception is everything and Pig Management is concerned.
Finally to reach out to our female Pig nation members Dino has taken it upon himself to partner with Oprah. Each week Dino will bring the Nation an Oprah reading assignment and host a book club discussion. Dino will not be at Tuesday's game as he is personally meeting with Oprah to discuss next weeks book.
Click Here for Stats through round 2!!!
Thursday, September 28, 2006
A look back at 1998-99 Championship season. Who remembers the magical #1 line of Obus, Kid, Mac (39 G, 41 A, 44 PIMs)? The number 2 line anchored by Rosie and Dino (and Marks) were no slouches either (29 G, 30 A, 26 PIMs). Shout outs to the D (Fraser, Lemon, Gordie, Marsella, & Merrill) for putting up with Aprilie's shit in the net. Back then Longshore anchored the "checking" line...how times have changed.
I'm telling you 2006 is Longshore's year!!!
I'm telling you 2006 is Longshore's year!!!
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
9/25/2006: Pigs Advance in Round 1; Vitts gets hit
No it wasn't the Hanson brothers from Slap Shot but it was Pigs playoff Hockey. A fired up Pigs squad sodomized (this was Mangler’s choice of words not mine) the visiting Black Dogs 10-2 Sunday night to advance to the second round. Outside of the lopsided score, things were low key until 10:37 into the 3rd period when Black Ice #27 took a two handed tomahawk stick chop to the back of newly dubbed “butter balls” Vits’ head. “I told him to hit me however I was expecting him to drop the gloves." Vitts seemed fine after the game and cheerfully told the squad tales from last weekends bachelor party complete with guys jumping off 2nd story balconies, taking local strippers to the wedding as dates, and defacating in his buddies hotel bed as a prank. While none of that came off as looney the following picture surfaced earlier this morning. Not wanting to jeopardize round two the team Elders briefly met this morning and decided to have Vitts committed. He is expected to make a full recovery and start Sunday night.
Friday, September 22, 2006
9/19/2006: Regular Season Ends; Fraser in Drag
What you need to know:
Pigs clubhouse a 13-4 record and enter the playoffs as the #2 team. With Fraser out of the game and recuperating from a severe RPG recoil head injury he received last week at the hands of the Al Quida taliban tribesmen in Afghanistan, Rookie T-Mac got the starting call at RW. This was just his 3rd start since turning 21 and the rookie took advantage of the ice time scoring a pair of goals including a bitch slap tally with: 11 seconds to play. “I’ve carried a lot of clipboards for some great forwards awaiting my chance to start, but Fraser is my hero…looks at that ass!” As a starter before this game he had recorded 12 goals and 5 assists.
The Pig’s defensive game appears to be on track heading into the playoffs. Jeff was his usual dominating self between the pipes, plucking pucks from an aggressive Black Ice squad finishing with 27 saves and recording his 11th win.
What you ought to know:
Longshore: 15 GP, 19 G, 11 A, 30 Pts, 8 PIMs: Damn…who is this guy? Longshore hasn’t been this productive since the 1984 air guitar championship where his Eddie Van Halen “Panama” routine was good enough for 2nd place. Well done.
Pittsberg Justin: 9 GP, 11 G, 7 A, 18 Pts, 0 PIMs: Forget the Byng this guy is hands down a PPG monster (2.00). If we could just get him to show up more often and bring beer once in while our GM may hook him up with a HAG.
Pipes: 15 GP, .904 SV%, 2.53 GAA, 11 W, 1 SHO: All career bests. In his spare time he clandestinely rallied against Ahmadinejad in NYC after the game. In short a modern Resonance man.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Sept 13, 2006
The Pigs win their 4th in a row while Harvard sat silent as Khatami defended the execution of homosexuals (Mangler: at this time the Metrosexual lifestyle is not subject to these harsh penalties). "A win is a win yet I can't beleive we pander to Iran and their 7th century approach to life" a passionate and alarmed Team Captain Mac commented after the game. "I care about the gays for sure but what about the Jews...President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has gone on record denying the Holocaust and calling for the extermination of all Jews" piped in Goalie Jeff. "We care about ex-coach Greenspan's safety" he continued. "Uhh he's not Jewish dude but he is a lawyer" one unidentified Pig corrected. "We play for Human Rights from here on out...we play for the women, the children, metrosexuals, and all the oppressed...especially oppressed Hot Asian women" elder Mangler concluded.
Good win and good post game discussion boys!
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